Ugly

"You know what I found out today?" Mom asked me after a couple of days.

"What?" I asked.

"My boss at work likes to put up random quotes on the board where we can all see. One of them was from Joe E. Lewis. It said, 'I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.' I found it fascinating."

"What does that mean?" I frowned.

"Well, I interpreted it two different ways." Mom said. "One of which, is that the person just doesn't trust people who go through a lot of pain, which you know, some of those kids become depressed or turn out to be psychopaths or whatever. The other way I interpreted was that the person distrusts people who can do outstanding feats, like I don't know, I guess that could be actors who are amazing at what they do, but have huge egos."

"Huh." I said.

---

I was kind of afraid to go back to Niko. I was afraid of what he would do if he turned back into a human. I was afraid that Walker's assumptions were right.

Niko did tell me that he was a bad person. And Walker told me about the bad things he did. What if Niko suddenly turned into a human and assaulted my family? Maybe I should just get rid of him, throw him in a far away place and tell my mom he got lost.

Maybe I should call Niko's parents.

But the fact was, Niko sounded apologetic and ashamed about his bad past. Maybe he changed. Or maybe he was some bipolar schizophrenic multi-personality psycho that just didn't make sense. I didn't know what to think.

I went back to Niko.

"Hey, where did you go? I haven't seen you in forever." Niko said, nodding at me.

"Well, Walker told me what you did in your human life."

Niko flinched and turned away, shaking.

I watched him for a while. He started to groom himself awkwardly, trying to avoid the situation. With my silence his grooming became more frantic.

Then he jerked to a stop, looked at me with his sad, beady eyes, and said quivering, "What do you want me to say? I was a horrible person. Now that's over with."

I scowled.

Niko shrank back. He whimpered, "Please don't judge me."

"Did you really assault that guy on your track team?" I asked crisply.

"What?" He looked up.

"You heard me."

Niko shivered. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"That guy that was always ahead of you in races. He always beat you or something. Apparently he got assaulted and his legs were broken."

Niko shook his head repeatedly, as if trying to clear it. "That's... what happened?"

"You didn't know about it?" I raised my eyebrows.

Niko was flustered. "Look, I hated that kid with all of my heart, but I would never assault him. And yes, I'll admit that I had an anger problem and a jealousy problem, but-but... assault? Oh God... He... he didn't deserve that..."

The rat paced and trembled, rubbing his fur and trying to calm down. Then he said, "Is that what Walker thought I did? Did he think I assaulted the guy?"

Niko looked so pitiful my heart ached. I could hardly bear to tell him. "Yeah... Walker was scared that you did do it. He told Sebastian and James."

"He didn't tell Phil?"

"He didn't say so..."

"Okay..." Niko bobbed his head and scratched it. "Do... Do you think they told the police?"

"I don't know."

"I.. I turned into a rat about a week after he stopped going to practice... The police never came to my house, and they never came after I changed unless it was about me being gone. So.. I guess I'm okay..." He exhaled, but then stifled it. "I just... I just hope they catch the real guy. If they think it's me, then-then, they'll never find him."

I averted my gaze.

"Sophie, I know I was a bad person. My friends knew I was a bad person. Sometimes I'd even make fun of them. Sometimes I was cruel to them. And they'd pull pranks on me to get back at me. Phil would do it the most, though Sebastian and James would laugh the most. Walker I just kind of used to scream at..." Niko's voice cracked. "I never did anything to my parents. I really loved them. And I feel like I should never go back to them because I'm such an awful person..."

I looked back at him and he was covering his face with his paws, his little rat shoulders shaking like he was crying.

"I don't know what to do." He sobbed. "I don't know if I should turn back, or I should just die as the ugly gross rat I really am. I deserved being changed like this, it really just shows the true me."

"Niko..." I said quietly.

He slowly uncovered his face.

I unclasped his cage and held my hand inside. He looked at it. He looked at me. Then he tentatively put his paws on my palm, this being the first time we have ever touched, and I slipped my hand under him and pulled him out, holding him close to me. Niko then buried his head in my collarbone and cried.

"I don't think you're a bad person." I whispered. "And I promise you I'll help you fix this."