Fences

Whenever I saw Lily smile, it made leaving harder everyday. All I wanted to do was sit in that hospital bed with her and mess around. I wanted to watch cartoons and play cards with her all day. I loved that she giggled at my stupid jokes, that she smiled at me whenever I held her hand and the way she hugged me when her mom offered to drive me home, even when my dad would show up at our designated time.

It was weird to say, but I think I was falling in love with her. Even of she was naïve, in ways, and child-like, I still had a hard crush on her. I always found the need to kiss her when I was lying beside her.

Sometimes we would stare at each other, and not move an inch. I had that crazy desire and need to press my lips against hers. I didn’t want to freak her out, and I held back my true feelings.

As much as I wanted to be more than friends, I knew a relationship such as lovers would never come into fruition. Lily and I weren’t meant to be lovers, just friends. I was meant to care and be her companion for her remaining years here on earth –no matter how long or short they may be. Lily and I met because we didn’t have anyone else, and we knew how out-casted we were because of the rumors and judgmental people around. We had each other when no one else bothered to get to know the real us.

With that realization, I was frightful most nights after leaving Lily. My stomach knotted at the thought of her dying. I was selfish about it; she couldn’t die, because who would I have then? I’d be alone, and she’d be off somewhere in heaven. I’d always have her, but not in the physical sense. It scared me to the point of tears at night.

I never told Lily about this, but I had a feeling she sensed it whenever I would hug her extra tight before I left. She never said, or rather wrote, anything about it, and if she did, I don’t know how I would truly explain this without looking like a total creep. Lily wasn’t afraid to die, she told me before, she was ready…ever since she learned what AIDS is and the probability of a child serving past puberty, she knew that her life was ending.

Lily often told me she dreamt of her prom, and school dances, and school functions. She told me about her dreams of going away to college, to a big university where she would get lost in the campus and in the classes. She told me about her dreams of meeting her future husband on the grounds, by chance, and them dating until they graduated, and eventually marrying. It made my own palms sweaty, excited for her, the way she spoke, it was almost as if she was telling me about her past. She told me about her wedding, and her honeymoon to an island with no name and spending hours with her husband on the beach. She told me they’d have babies and lived happily ever after.

And it was all a dream, she wrote. It’s all in my head, and that’s where it will only come to life.

I felt sorry for Lily, a lot, but because I wanted more for her. I love Lily, I wanted her dreams to come true. No one really knows what they have until you meet a girl like Lily. How you could simply throw your life away, when she would give up everything to have time like that to waste happily. It made me question my own purpose, besides being her friend, was in life.


I’ve never seen Star Wars, is it as good as people say?

I smiled at Lily, she had drawn little stars around the word Star Wars, “It’s pretty cool. I had a friend, Mikey, who seen it about a million times.”

Lily’s eyes bulged, Really? Is it that good, or is he just a geek?

I laughed, “Both.”

It comes on tomorrow afternoon, will you watch with me?

“Yeah, of course,” I nodded to her.

Lily just smiled, resting her back against her fluffed up pillows, her dark hair was like a flood of dark water that splashed on the pillows. I always thought Lily was pretty, beautiful now. I wanted my dad to properly meet her.

“When do you think you’re gonna get released?” I asked her.

Lily’s small smile faltered and she shrugged. She was keeping the truth from me, and she didn’t want to say it. My stomach had turned uneasily, I had a feeling that she’d never get out.

“You aren’t going to, are you?”

Lily grabbed her chalk board, sat up and began to write: My white blood cell count is extremely low

I’m not a doctor, and I sure as hell don’t know much about this disease, but I knew that, that her white blood cell count was always up and down. It was mostly, if not always, down.

“I want my dad to meet you.” I told her a second later.

She smiled, I’d love to meet him! He doesn’t hate me, right?

Lily and I never spoke about our parents. I never really said much about my dad, just that he allowed me to see her.

“No way! I think he’ll like you.”

Then it’s fine by me.


When my dad came that evening, Lily was happily waiting to meet him. Her mom, who was usually running errands, had come in and waited too. She wanted to make sure my dad was as wholesome as I let on.

My dad smiled, bringing in a bouquet of flowers for Lily. I felt slightly embarrassed, Lily saw my cheeks and pinched them.

“Hello,” my dad said stepping in, “I’m Frank’s father.”

Mrs. Romero stood, “Nice to finally meet you.”

“These are for Lily. I hope it doesn’t seem too…out of line.” My dad was nervous; he handed off the flowers to Mrs. Romero.

“No, it’s very kind of you, Mr. Iero.”

“Please, call me Frank.”

The two adults shook hands, and then my dad made his way over to Lily and I. Lily held up her chalk board; Respiratory problems, I am sorry. I’ve loved to thank you with my girlish voice. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Iero

My dad was a bit taken back as he read this, but he still chuckled and shook Lily’s small hand, “Same here, Lily. Frankie won’t ever shut up about you.”

Again, I turned red and Lily pinched my cheek, “Dad, come on.” I groaned.

“Hey, you’re the one who said I had to meet this gorgeous girl.”

My eyes bulged as I looked away. Lily gave a small, raspy laugh and hugged me sideways.

“I’m just kidding you, Frankie, sheesh.” My dad patted my head.

For another 20 minutes, my dad, Lily and her mom spoke shortly, meeting formally. I sat back and watched Lily interact, then she’d look at me and smile. She took my hand in hers, I saw how pale her skin was compared to mine, and I wished with all my might that she would regain her color and we’d be friends, formally outside, again.