Fences

The following morning, my dad and I prepared for another drive to see Lily. I was more than excited to watch Stars Wars with her. I liked wasting my time with her. But, before we left, my mom called. This really bummed me out.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” my dad said, “…he’s going to see his friend…yes, he has friends, Linda! Jesus Christ, give the kid a break! He’s got a license, he can drive to school…hold on.”

My dad looked at me, and I tugged my jeans up, “What does she want?”

“She wants to talk to you.” My dad looked annoyed.

I swallowed the saliva growing in my throat and took the cordless phone from my dad, “Ma?”

“Frankie, I think you should come home.” She said quickly; she sounded sad.

“I am home.” I murmured.

“No, come home to me! I miss you.”

“But, you won’t let me see Lily.” I paced slowly, unsure of where this conversation was going to head.

“I will, just come home.”

“I…” I looked at my dad, “I’ll just come stay until school starts, alright? I’ll have Mrs. Romero drop me off.” It was like I was speaking to the both of them.

My dad sighed, my mom murmured, “Good boy.”



“Y’know, we should really learn sign language. It’d save us some time.” I laughed at Lily as she wrote down a very, long insult about the hospital food.

I’m too stupid to learn sign language.

“You aren’t stupid.” I nudged her arm.

Compared to you. She smirked at me.

I shook my head, “What time is it, Lil?”

She looked at her watch, then held up 2 fingers, Star Wars is on! she shook my arm excitedly.

I laughed and flipped the channels on the remote attached to her hospital bed. Channel 3 was having an end of the summer marathon of Sci-Fi flicks. Earlier, Lily and I watched the Fly, then changed it because we both got grossed out.

As the movie started, Lily grabbed her chalkboard and wrote quickly, with that yellow chalk Will you hold my hand, Frankie? I nodded and laced our fingers together. She laid her head against my arm, and I could smell her shampoo, “They let you shower?”

Lily nodded, “Finally.” Her voice was faint and scratchy. It sounded like music to me, because I hadn’t heard her voice in the longest time.

I didn’t say this to her, I just took a deep breath, feeling my lungs with oxygen and the faint smell of lavender. We were both quiet as the movie started, and every now and then Lily would squeeze my hand. As the movie progressed, I couldn’t tell if she was asleep or not, but the squeezes let me know she was alive.

Throughout it, though, even as I tried to watch, I thought about leaving Lily. I thought about when school started next week and our visits would be shorter. I hated the thought of going back to that hell hole, but I had to. I more than wished Lily could be there with me, making the days bearable, but I was glad she didn’t, because those assholes are unmerciful. I wish everyone saw us as we saw each other.

Without thinking, I kissed the top of Lily’s head and she didn’t move. I looked down at her, her eyes were shut over, and I knew she was asleep. I sighed contently and squeezed her cool hand; though it was a little limp, I wasn’t concerned, Lily was always a rag doll when she took naps.

When the movie ended, I was tired myself, and hungry. My stomach growled and I laughed, “Lil, I’m starved, how about you?” I shook her hand a bit, it was colder than I had remembered.

“Lil?” I got up from the bed, my hand slipped from hers.

I looked at her sideways, her eyes were shut over, her chest didn’t rise or fall. It hit me almost immediately and tears sprung, “Lily?”

Her machines didn’t sound, they didn’t beep, her heart monitor was flat and I grew sick. Realization was hitting me in the chest, in the heart, I couldn’t breathe. I opened my mouth, “Lily, wake up! Get up!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I wanted someone to hear me. Someone to help, bring her back to life.

“Help me! Help me! Lily! Wake up!” I went to her side and put my palms to her cheeks; they were cold and faint of color.

I pressed her nurse call button, and nothing happened for a second, “Lily, is everything alright?” a nurse spoke.

“Lily won’t wake up,” I wept softly.

The nurse cut out.

I looked down at Lily as she laid there, tired and defeated. The darkened bags under eyes, she looked so tired. I wanted nothing more than for her to shoot her eyelids open and scare me. I was praying that she was playing a prank on me, I would rejoice at the cruel joke.

I heard squeaky shuffling of feet. Dr. Brickman came in, giving me a sorrowful glance, and a nurse grabbed my arm, pulling me from the room. I was in the hall, watching them examine her, and then I turned my head. I saw Mrs. Romero coming down the hall…she saw my tears and she dropped the tray she had gathered from the cafeteria; juice and soda, and cold food hit the linoleum floor. She sprinted towards me, grabbing my shoulders, “Frankie, what’s wrong?”

“She won’t wake up.” My voice cracked as I explained and more tears drowned my eyes.

Mrs. Romero let me go, the nurses stepped out, Dr. Brickman was the last, and then Mrs. Romero started to cry. She let out a low wail, I wiped my eyes quick enough to see her grip the side of the door and cry.

She walked in, sniffling and I followed behind her. Mrs. Romero touched her face, then sobbed again, I didn’t know what to say. She looked at me, then back at Lily, and took hold of the chalkboard.

“Is this the last thing she wrote?” She asked a loud.

“Yes, ma’am.” I said softly.

She turned to me, big, wet, transparent tears filled the brim of her eyes, “Did you hold her hand?” I nodded, “What…what did she do next?”

I swallowed again, “She laid her head right here,” I pointed to my shoulder, “then…we watched the movie.”

Mrs. Romero let out a laugh, then a sob and turned back to Lily. She touched her head and cried. I didn’t know what to do, or say. I felt lost…