Fences

The ride to my mom’s was quiet, which was unusual. It was silent, awkward, even though Mrs. Romero and I were comfortable around each other. Whenever she use to give me a ride to the hospital, we would talk about anything. It was just silence now, and I hated it. I didn’t know what to say.

I mean, I had to say something. This could be the last time I saw Mrs. Romero. Now that Lily is gone, why would I ever go to see her? If my mom had her way, she’d lock me up. She would never let me out of the house, even if I lived with my dad. I know I’d miss her just as I miss Lily.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Romero.” I finally muttered as we got to our familiar block.

“For what, Frankie?” She sniffled, her voice was tight.

“For taking Lily to New York…for giving her my mom’s pills.” I listed softly.

She shrugged, “I’m not upset with you. I want to thank you.”

“Why?” I raised my brow.

“You were a friend to my baby. You gave her hope and happiness. Thank you.” She looked at me, her eyes brimmed with fresh tears.

“I just wanted to make her happy. There’s so much left undone…I promised her so much.”

She nodded, “She told me, but y’know, Frankie, Lily knows you tried. She knows you were being a great friend.”

“I would’ve married her.” I told her truthfully.

She smiled, “That would have been nice.”

We pulled up at my mom’s a second later, the afternoon was still warm and bright. I turned to Mrs. Romero, ready to say something, when my mom’s shrill voice forced me to close my mouth.

“Frank Iero, get out of that woman’s car!” She screamed at me.

I shut my eyes and got out the car slowly. As soon as I was out, my mom grabbed me by my collar and started to smack me. I winced as her palm beat against my cheeks, and prayed she’d stop soon. And, she stopped abruptly, and she screamed.

“Stop hitting him!” I heard Mrs. Romero yell at her, “How dare you put your hands on your son that way!?”

“What business is it to you?!” My mom screamed back, “You have you own, disgusting child!”

Mrs. Romero’s grip on my mom’s arm went limp, and she shook her head, “You are one lucky woman, Linda. Your son is in perfect health, and you have your nerve to beat him! My daughter is gone and I would give up everything to have her back for a minute.”

The silence was thick, and I stepped to Mrs. Romero, hugging her. She exhaled heavily, “Thank you.”

“I didn’t—“

“Frankie, you and your father are more than welcomed to the funeral.” Mrs. Romero had cut my mom off.

I nodded, “I’ll be there.” She patted my cheek and headed off across the lawn.

My mom glared at me, “Get in the house.”

I obeyed, expecting a punishment, but all she told me was to get upstairs.

In my room, I went to my desk and pulled open the drawer and shuffled around, looking for the little list Lily had made weeks back. I didn’t know if my mom would come up and catch me, and if she did, she’d see me in tears. I wanted to feel close to Lily at that moment, and I knew this small list would help.

I laid on my bed, unfolding the crumpled piece of scrap paper. Lily’s girly handwriting met me, and my breathing hitched. I smiled, then, reading the first thing on the list.
Meet the person of my dreams – I contemplated crossing that off, but I didn’t.
Stand on the Gold Gate Bridge in San Fransisco.
Get married in India
See a sea lion up close – I looked around for a pen, and found one in my dirty, jean pocket, and checked it off.
Find the cure…even if it kills me – I swallowed thickly and shook my head.

I remembered Lily telling me to write some things, but I didn’t know what to write. There had been millions of things I wanted to do, but I wasn‘t sure committing them to this piece of paper would do it justice. Still, I had done it to please Lily.

Play Madison Square Garden in my kick ass rock band. – Lily said she wanted to lose her concert virginity to my band.
Sell a thousand records
Get married in Jersey
Find the cure with Lily
Find the cure to my and Lily’s shortness – We laughed for hours about this.
There was nothing else but doodles and my heart sunk slightly. There was so much Lily and I wanted to do, even if we hadn’t written them. So many things we wanted to do together…possibilities swiped from us because of this illness.

I shut my eyes as tears began to sting my eyes and I quickly folded the paper and set it on my bed side table. I grabbed my pillow and began to cry. I hadn’t cried like this since…ever. I sobbed until my throat hurt, and my eyes wouldn’t produce anymore tears.

As I drifted into unconsciousness, it hit me hard how badly I loved Lily. I still love her, though, and I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I thought of her sleeping while my head was tricking me to sleep. She always slept with her mouth slightly open, at the hospital, it was closed, and her breathing was always heavy. I would give everything to have a minute with her, too.

In my dreams, she wasn’t present, and it hurt. I wanted to see her. I wanted her to pinch my cheek and say “I’m okay Frankie. I’m in heaven now. Kurt Cobain says hello.” Something that was like her, but nothing emerged, and I cried again when I woke up the next morning.