Listen To Your Heart

“Jamie, do you have those reviews for me yet?” Brandi, the editor, asked me, standing at the entrance to my cubicle.
“Oh! Yes, I do.” I said, rummaging through the papers on my desk until I found the folder and handed it to her. She looked over them quickly than looked up at me with a smile.
“Great. Thanks, you’re the best.” She told me as she headed off. I turned my attention back to my computer and finished the email I was writing. A little while later, my boss called and told me to meet him in his office. He had never called me to his office before, so I was a bit nervous.
“Please don’t fire me.” I mumbled as I made my way to his office. I arrived at his door, took a deep breath and knocked.
“Come in.” I heard him call from inside his office. I opened the door and peeked my head in. I saw him sitting at his desk. I opened the door wider and walked in, shutting the door behind me.
“Hello Jamie. Take a seat.” He said, smiling warmly at me. I smiled back and sat in the chair across from him.
“Hello Bill. You called me in here?” I asked.
“Yes I did. I wanted to talk to you about your position.” He started. Oh god. I’m getting fired.
“O-okay.” I stuttered.
“Even thought you have been doing great as a writer, I’ve made the decision to move you to a different department. It’s your choice of course, but it is a promotion, so I think you’ll want it.” He stated.
“Oh. Wow. What did you have in mind?” I asked, surprised at where this was going.
“I was thinking you could move into the tour division and become the tour manager of the upcoming AP Spring Tour. Our current tour manager, Amanda, is about to go on maternity leave, and I think you would be a perfect replacement. I mean, it’s a very demanding position, but I feel you’ll be capable of it. I’ve been quite impressed with your work since you’ve joined us, and I’m confident in your ability. I’ve seen a lot of potential from you in the short amount of time you’ve been with us. You have a good work ethic, and I want to see what you’re capable of.” He finished. I couldn’t help the grin on my face.
“I don’t know what to say. This is so nice of you. I’m honored that you chose me for this and I definitely accept.” I told him giddily. He smiled.
“Great. You can finish up whatever you need to today and then you’re free to go. When you arrive tomorrow we’ll have everything set up for you to get all the information you need from Amanda before she leaves in a few days. Just come straight to my office tomorrow morning and we’ll get everything worked out.” He directed.
“Alright. Sounds great.” I told him as I stood up. “Thank you again.” I said while leaning over and shaking his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled and left. Once I was back in my cubicle, I did a quick little happy dance. I finished up any work that I needed to and left right after. Once I got to my car, I sat inside and called Mary.
“Hello?” She answered.
“Hey Mary. I’m coming home. Get everyone over there. I have news.” I told her.
“Oh really? Kenny told me that they have news too but were going to wait till you got home to tell us. This will be interesting. Alright, I’ll tell them.” She said.
“Great, thanks. See you soon.” I said.
“Bye.” She replied, hanging up. I drove to our apartment and hurried up the stairs and barged through my door, finding the gang sitting in my living room. Mary, Lauren, and all five guys stopped their conversation when I blasted through the door. I just grinned at them like a fool.
“So, we hear you have news. We do too.” Pat said.
“Mine’s better.” I said. He laughed.
“It probably is, since you called a meeting just to tell us. But shouldn’t we save the best for last?” He pointed out.
“Alright, true.” I said, taking the only empty seat left on the couch. I ignored the awkward fact that it was next to John. “Shoot.”
“Well, you know how we’ve been having trouble finding a tour for the spring?” Jared started. I nodded.
“Well not anymore!” Garrett finished for him.
“We got the call today. We got asked by AP to go on their spring tour. And we said yes! Isn’t that cool! Maybe you’ll be writing stuff about us.” Pat said with a grin. I just stared at him with my mouth open. I wasn’t sure, but I think my jaw literally touched the floor.
“That’s great guys.” Mary told them with Lauren nodding in agreement. They looked to me and noticed my look of disbelief.
“What’s wrong Jamie?” John asked. I blinked a few times before speaking.
“Well,” I started, clearing my throat. “My news was that I am no longer writing for AP magazine.” I said, pausing to watch the look of confusion on their faces. “Instead, I’ve been promoted to tour manager of their upcoming spring tour.” I finished, waiting for them to calculate what I said.
“Holy. Shit.” Kenny said, registering it first.
“Wait. So you’re like… coming on tour with us?” Pat asked.
“No dude. She’s gonna be our boss.” Garrett corrected, causing me to laugh.
“But she’s coming on tour with us!” Pat said, getting excited and jumping up. He lunged at me and tackled me in a hug. “I’m so excited! This is going to be awesome! Just like Warped last year!” He grinned. I smiled too.
“Yeah, but instead of me working for you, you guys have to follow my every word!” I said happily.
The guys groaned and started to talk about the tour. I looked over at John and saw him staring at me. I quickly looked away and instead stared at my feet. That was one thing I hadn’t thought about. It’s awkward seeing John every once in awhile now; imagine how bad it’s going to be seeing him everyday and having to talk to him. It’s not like we avoid each other, it’s just that we haven’t really been able to adapt after the breakup. After they got back from tour after we broke up, John and I sat down and talked. He begged for forgiveness but I told him that I wasn’t able to at that time. I admitted that I still loved him, but that my trust in him was gone, and that we couldn’t have a relationship without trust. It had been about 4 months since we broke up, and I still couldn’t look him in the eyes. Because when I did, I saw the pain he felt in them. I knew that he wanted me back and was waiting for me to forgive him, and it broke my heart. I hated to see him in pain, even after he had caused so much for me. I knew that I loved him and I did want him back, but I also knew that my stupid stubborn brain would do everything it could to never let that happen. So even though my heart was begging for me to forgive him, my brain was steadfast in never letting that happen. And ever since that night John broke my heart, I had made a promise to myself that from then on, I was going to listen to my head.
I could tell right then that I had a crazy couple of months ahead of me.