Listen To Your Heart

I was on the train going to New York from my visit with my parents. I had a nice time and was happy to be able to see them again. I was surprised, however, that they were saddened by the fact that John and I had broken up. I had expected them to be glad, seeing as I thought they didn’t like him. But they told me that they had really liked John as a person, and were just afraid he was going to hold me back. But when they found out that I had gotten a good job and was successful, they no longer worried about that.
So I guess everyone now thought I should get back together with John.
Speaking of John, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since I had run away from him that day in his apartment. He tried to contact me, but I ignored him. Pat came over the next night and scolded me for not telling him what had happened. Apparently John had called him and asked if I had told him what was wrong. I was forced to tell Pat how I was feeling after his persistent questioning, but he was under oath to tell no one, especially John. Pat, along with the other boys, who came by occasionally, told me of John’s deteriorating condition.
Apparently, as each day passed, the more alcohol he consumed. The guys were worried, especially as tour quickly approached. They begged me to go talk to him, but I couldn’t. Maybe it was selfish, but it was what I needed. And for once, I was trying to concentrate on myself. But in all honesty, I too was worried. Partly because I needed this tour to go smoothly, and drunken lead singers would not add up to smooth sailing, and partly because I hated that John was hurting, because the last thing I want is for either of us to go through any more pain. I was worried that he would do something stupid in his drunken state, possibly in front of fans, that would hurt not only his own, but the band as a whole’s reputation.
John and the whole situation that was unraveling occupied my thoughts for the whole train ride. By the end of the trip, I realized that as his boss, I would need to speak with John and alert him that being drunk on stage or while meeting fans would not be tolerated. Once the train arrived at its destination, I quickly made my way off and took a taxi to the venue. I only had a small bag with me; with the things I needed while visiting my parents. AJ was in charge of the luggage I would be using for the tour. She put it on the bus that the rest of the crew drove up here in. When I arrived at the venue, I was happy to see multiple buses there. Hopefully, all the bands had arrived. I pulled out my phone and alerted AJ that I was here. She answered back that she was on our bus, which was the one parked in the front of the long line of buses. I quickly made my way over and entered the bus, finding AJ and Pat on the couch in the front lounge.
“Hey you two.” I smirked. They had become closer in the past month, but nothing official. They had gone on a few more dates, but they were both too shy to make a move. I was determined to fix that.
“Hey girl!” AJ said, standing up and hugging me quickly. After we released, I flopped down on top of Pat.
“Hey Patticakes. How’s my favorite best friend?” I asked, sitting sideways in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me in a side hug and AJ sat back in her spot next to us.
“I’m good. I missed you though. How were my favorite non-biological parents?” He asked.
“Good. They say hi. They want to see you soon. When we hit Boston, you’re coming with me on the visit.” I told him.
“Of course.” He smiled. “Have you thought more about what I asked you? About talking to John?” He asked, turning serious.
“Yes, I have. I am going to talk to him, but as his boss, not as his friend. And I am just giving you a fair warning right now, I may be you guys' friend, but I’ve been entrusted with this tour, and if John does something, drunk or not, that is inappropriate and effects the reputation of AP, I’m going to have to ask you guys to leave. It’s out of my hands.” I told him.
“I understand. Just tell John that.” He said.
“I plan on it. In fact, I’ll do it right now. Do you know where he is?” I asked, getting up from his lap.
“Last time I saw him, he was on our bus. It’s right behind this one.” He told me. I nodded.
“Alright. I’ll be right back then.” I told them. I left the bus and walked to the one next to it, knocking on the door. After a moment, Jared opened it.
“Jamie!” He smiled. “How are you?” He asked, letting me in and giving me a quick hug as I passed.
“I’m okay. You?”
“I’m fine. But I’m sure I’m not why you’re here.” He said, a sad smile of understanding on his face.
“You’re right. Is he here?” I asked.
“Yeah, in the back lounge. But be careful. He’s been… extra aggressive today.” He told me. I nodded and thanked him before make my way to the back, knocking on the closed door.
“Go away!” I heard an angry voice yell from the other side. I sighed and opened the door anyway, letting myself in. His head snapped up when I entered, our eyes meeting. To put it nicely, he looked like shit. This wasn’t the John I knew. His eyes were dark and dull, heavy gray bags under them. His chin was stubbly from his lack of shaving. His hair was greasy and uncombed. He laid on the couch wrapped in blankets, an almost empty bottle of whiskey glued to his hand.
“Jamie…” He whispered in disbelief as he registered who I was.
“Hello John.” I said, trying to sound professional as my heart broke in half.
“What are you doing here…” He asked, moving into the sitting position slowly.
“I have been alerted of your condition and as your boss, it’s my job to come talk to you about it and to let you know that it will not be tolerated on this tour.” I told him, sitting on the couch a few feet away from him.
“Is that the only reason?” He asked, looking down sadly.
“It’s most of it.” I admitted.
“What’s the rest of it?” He asked, looking back up at me.
“I’d like to know why you’re slowly killing yourself.” I said, eyeing him.
“It’s the only way I know how to cope.” He admitted after a while, rolling the bottle in his hands.
“Cope with what?” I asked.
“Losing you again.” He said. I stared at him, confused and dumbstruck. He noticed my confusion and explained. “I had finally gotten you to talk to me again. I got you back as a friend. It gave me hope that you’d be able to forgive me one day. And than suddenly, it was all gone. You left and no longer acknowledged my existence. It was like losing you all over again.” He finished.
“I’m… I’m sorry John.” I said quietly. He nodded solemnly, looking at the ground.
“What did I do Jamie? What did I fuck up this time? I thought I was doing so well.” He said sadly.
“You were… that was the problem.” I told him.
“I don’t understand.” He said, looking at me.
“You were making me want you. And I couldn’t let myself fall back into your arms. I’m sorry John, but I just can’t be around you like that. I wanted to be friends, but I now know that it just won’t work. Not right now at least.” I admitted. He sighed and shook his head.
“You’re so god damn stubborn Jamie.” He said.
“I know. You are too.” I countered.
“I know I am. That’s why I’m not giving up.” He said.
“You already gave up. The second you turned to the alcohol.” I said. He looked at me, his mouth hung open slightly, but stayed silent. I sighed and stood up. “Anyway, I just came here to warn you. Do what you want with your life, but do not be drunk while on stage or while meeting fans, or The Maine will be kicked off this tour.” I said, walking to the door and opening it. “And I advise you clean up before the show tomorrow. You look like shit.” I finished, leaving the small room and the drunken boy behind.