Once Upon a Time

She looks sick. She tried to tell me she wasn’t last week; that she just didn’t feel good. I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now. I think she’s hiding something from me. I know she’s been throwing up a lot. Almost every time she’s slept over at my place I woke up to find that she’d locked herself in the bathroom. She was running water, trying to block out the noise, but I knew what she was doing. I just wish she’d let me in. I wish she’d tell me what’s going on, but every time I mention it she gets all defensive and angry. It seems like the only person she gets along with right now is Grace. Really – she’s been hugging that girl to her chest every second she can. Grace loves it. She would do anything Teagan wanted her to, just like Teagan would do for her. It’s driving me crazy, though! I mean, just put the baby down and talk to me already!

It’s not like she isn’t talking to me at all, she just isn’t talking to me about what’s going on with her right now. She’s acting weird, too. I love the girl but this is getting pretty damned annoying.

She squeezes my hand and I glance over at her. She’s spending the night at my place tonight. She wants to do something special, but I don’t know why. It freaked me out at first – I thought maybe there was an anniversary of some kind that I was missing; you know that stupid shit girls do to commemorate six months of being together, or six months to the day of the first kiss. Just dumb ass shit like that, but I didn’t think she was like that, and I think I was right, because she assured me that it wasn’t anything having to with anniversaries. But we’ve been we’ve been together almost eleven months now and I’m curious about why tonight is so special; it makes me nervous.

I just picked her up from her house and now we’re on our way to my house. She seems nervous, too.

“Can’t I get a hint?” I ask her sweetly.

“Sex,” she says somewhat flatly. “That’s your hint.”

“We’re going to have sex?” I ask, unsure.

“I don’t know,” she answers, shrugging. “Maybe… probably not, though.”

“Why is tonight so special?” I ask her now, aggravated that she keeps making me wait this long.

She looks over at me, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t say special, I said important. I have something important that I think you should now. I just want a normal night with you first. I want to curl up with you on your couch and eat Chinese takeout and watch a movie.”

I smile. “I can do that.”

“Thank you,” she says, leaning over and kissing my cheek.

“And after that you’ll tell me what’s so important?”

She nods, leaning her face against the window. By the time I pull into a parking place in front of my apartment building she’s fast asleep. I get out and walk over to her side, opening the door and pulling her into my arms. She looks up at me, slightly surprised. She wraps her arms around my neck, holding the bag of food on one hand. I take her inside and lay her down on the couch.

I fix us a drink while she finds something to watch, get our food and a blanket and then I sit down on the couch, pulling her close to me, handing her her things.

She rests her head on my chest while she eats, barely able to keep her eyes open.

“I love you,” I tell her out of nowhere.

She looks surprised. “Are you sure?”

I look at her, confused. “Of course I’m sure. Since when have I not been sure? We’ve been together for almost a year.”

She smiles at me. “I love you too, Noah.”

She leans over and kisses me, just a soft kiss, and then pulls away, cuddling back into my side and focusing on watching the movie.

***********

“Noah,” she whispered. “Noah, wake up.”

I groaned and forced my eyes open. Damn, I must have fallen asleep.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” I whisper, sitting up and stretching. “You had something to tell me.”

I lean over and turn on the lamp, nearly knocking over a drink in the process. When I look back at her she’s biting her lip, looking like she’s about to cry.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me. She sniffs and pulls me ever closer, twisting her fingers into my hair.

“I-I-I’m sorry, Noah,” she cries.

I rub her back, trying to get her to calm down. “Shh… baby, it’s alright.”

“No!” she cries, getting louder. “It’s not okay. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you and I just – I don’t know how. I’m so scared you’ll be mad, and I don’t know if I could take it if you were mad because I’m so scared.”

I look into her eyes, waiting for her to calm down. “Honey,” I say smoothly, softly. “I’ll be fine. Just tell me. I don’t like to see you hurting – you know that. So just say it.”

“It’s hard,” she whispers, her bottom lip trembling. I lean forward and kiss it, willing her not to start crying again. I kiss her again, trying to let her know that everything will be okay. I kiss her once more, trying to get her to understand that I love her – nothing she has to say could scare me away.

“It’s okay. Say it fast -- like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

She shakes her head, a tear falling down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Teagan, you’re killing me! Just tell me already! I love you, sweetie. We can work through anything. Do you hear me? I need you to tell me now, okay?”

“You love Grace…” she says now, slowly, completely now what I was expecting.

“Yes…” I respond, confused. “She’s my daughter.”

She takes a deep breath and looks at the floor, refusing to meet my eyes. “Well… what if… what if you were going to have another one?”

I stare at her blankly. At first I don’t understand. And when I finally understand I just keep staring at her blankly, unable to function properly.

“Noah…” she says tentatively.

I try and force my eyes to focus on her, but everything is blurring together. “What?” I finally manage to sputter out, but to my misfortune, it doesn’t sound in the slightest bit nice. It sounds angry, just like I told her I wouldn’t be.

“I said I’m sorry,” she says weakly, pulling away from me, sitting all the way on the other side of the couch. “I didn’t… I knew you’d be mad, and I didn’t want to make you mad,” she says, her voice thick with tears.

I try and calm myself down. “I’m sorry,” I answer. “I just… what do you mean another daughter? You’re pregnant?”

She nods at me, gnawing at her bottom lip again, blushing. “I didn’t mean another daughter, I meant more, another baby.”

I move to her side of the couch and rub her arms. “I love you.” I say. “I-I just don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’re okay,” she begs desperately. “Please, please Noah, I can’t do this by myself.”

I shake my head at her. “I would never, ever make you do this on your own.” A thought crosses my mind. “Have you told your parents? Why didn’t your dad try and kill me at lunch today?”

“I haven’t told them yet. I’ve only told Erin and Kim.”

“Are you sure you’re pregnant?” I ask her.

She nods. “Kim took me to the doctor.”

“When? How? When did you find out?”

“The other morning when I left because I wasn’t feeling good, I told you I was going to the drug store – I got a test and went to Kim’s.”

I hug her to my chest. I’m too busy worrying about her for this to actually sink in. I’m not freaking out yet – I’ll save that for my mom. Teagan doesn’t need to see me freaking out – it would just make her freak out and I don’t want to add any stress.

“You’re okay?” I ask her.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.”

“When you say you don’t know what to do, are you talking about abortion? Or adoption?” I demand.

She looks up at me with big, innocent eyes. You’re too young, I think. You’re too fragile.

“I wouldn’t… I couldn’t even think of abortion… but adoption… I don’t know. You already have Grace, and I have college and I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” she begs, once again on the verge of tears.

I kiss her forehead. “We will figure this out,” I say. “It’s our baby. We’ll do this together. We can talk about adoption if you want, but I don’t think that’s what you want.” I know her better than that. She’s just scared and vulnerable. Both of our families have money and neither of them would let this child go uncared for, so I know she’s not scared that we can’t provide for the baby. She’s just scared about everything I was scared about when I first found Grace on my doorstep.

She snuggles into my chest and hides her face in my neck.

“I’ll take care of you, Teag. I love you, and I love our baby,” I smile. “Both of them.”

I feel her lips pull into a smile against my skin. “I love you, too, Noah.”

I kiss her on the top of her head, her forehead, the tip of her nose, her cheek, and then lastly her mouth. She leans into the kiss, but doesn’t put much to it. I can tell she’s exhausted.

I pick her up then and carry her to my room, placing her in my bed. She wiggles out of her clothes and then I step out of mine. She pulls me down next to her and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest and falling asleep.