Closer to Heaven than You
"To sleep with only memories, its harder every night."
I put my hand over my mouth. All the letters I had sent on his birthdays, Christmas’s, and just random dates were in this box. In the corner of my eye I saw Matt put his head in his hands. I lifted the box and held it out to Matt. I wanted him to read the letters. I spent all my time wishing he would have responded to them.
He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. He apologized,” I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had tried to keep in touch with me Jacey Rae. If I would have known…”
I interrupted,” but you didn’t. It’s not your fault. Just read them Matt. Please, it would mean a lot.”
He grabbed the box from me. Our hands touched and we met each other’s eyes again.
July 31, 2001
Dear Matt,
Well happy 20th birthday best friend. I hope it’s a good one. One more year and you can drink. But I have a feeling you’re drinking anyways. You have no idea how much I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you. I hope you wouldn’t mind that a 17 year old would be hanging with you. If you’re still the same Matt, I know you wouldn’t care.
Well this letter is different than any of the other because it will be my last. I don’t know if you moved somewhere else or just too busy for me but I want you to know that I’ve been content with being alone for these years because I’ve realized my heart has always belonged to you. Now I just feel stupid writing letters to someone who isn’t replying yet it makes me feel whole? Wow, I sound like a blabbering fool.
But in hopes of you reading this someday, I want you to know that I love you. One day you might read this but I doubt I will ever see you again. I don’t know what I would do if I saw you. I’d most likely be embarrassed knowing that you read this and didn’t care enough to reply. Whoever has your heart right now, she is one lucky girl. Good luck with your life Matt. I hope you get far and fulfill all your dreams. I know I will, except for that one recurring dream but life isn’t fair and I don’t always get you in the end.
Goodbye;
Sincerely,
Jacey Rae ‘Ace’ Hudson.
Attached to that letter was my senior year photo. My long black hair curled over my shoulders and my dark green eyes sparkled against my grey cardigan. I figured I would send him one last picture of me since it was my last letter ever.
I felt a lump in my throat as Matt read the last letter. I remember writing that letter like it was yesterday. Before he could finish the letter I walked off farther into the park field and sat down on the grass crying. It took twelve years for him to read my letter and now he knew my true feelings. I loved him for years even though I hadn’t heard or seen him.
I had kept that hopeful spirit for years and it hit me in my senior year that I had gotten my hopes up. Now look where I was. I had seen Matt again and the letter never even crossed my mind until I had mentioned it the night we had our official first kiss.
I heard someone kneel next to me and wrap their arms around me. Matt pulled me to his chest as I cried in realization. Matt promised,” If I would have gotten that letter I would have been on a plane to Dallas in a second Jacey.”
I tried to calm myself down as my head rested on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and asked,” Why are you crying Hun? You saw me again and who has my heart is lucky because it’s you.”
He whispered,” You always had.”
Over my sniffling nose I didn’t hear him. He helped me up and wiped a tear away from my cheek and led me towards the swings. Across the sand were my letters and old pictures, each year getting more updated. Even the black and red paracord bracelet I had made for him was on top of one of the letters.
He bent down and grabbed the bracelet and hooked it onto his car keys. I put all the letters and pictures back into the box and we both walked back to the car. I retouched my makeup on our way to Matt’s house.
He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. He apologized,” I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had tried to keep in touch with me Jacey Rae. If I would have known…”
I interrupted,” but you didn’t. It’s not your fault. Just read them Matt. Please, it would mean a lot.”
He grabbed the box from me. Our hands touched and we met each other’s eyes again.
July 31, 2001
Dear Matt,
Well happy 20th birthday best friend. I hope it’s a good one. One more year and you can drink. But I have a feeling you’re drinking anyways. You have no idea how much I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you. I hope you wouldn’t mind that a 17 year old would be hanging with you. If you’re still the same Matt, I know you wouldn’t care.
Well this letter is different than any of the other because it will be my last. I don’t know if you moved somewhere else or just too busy for me but I want you to know that I’ve been content with being alone for these years because I’ve realized my heart has always belonged to you. Now I just feel stupid writing letters to someone who isn’t replying yet it makes me feel whole? Wow, I sound like a blabbering fool.
But in hopes of you reading this someday, I want you to know that I love you. One day you might read this but I doubt I will ever see you again. I don’t know what I would do if I saw you. I’d most likely be embarrassed knowing that you read this and didn’t care enough to reply. Whoever has your heart right now, she is one lucky girl. Good luck with your life Matt. I hope you get far and fulfill all your dreams. I know I will, except for that one recurring dream but life isn’t fair and I don’t always get you in the end.
Goodbye;
Sincerely,
Jacey Rae ‘Ace’ Hudson.
Attached to that letter was my senior year photo. My long black hair curled over my shoulders and my dark green eyes sparkled against my grey cardigan. I figured I would send him one last picture of me since it was my last letter ever.
I felt a lump in my throat as Matt read the last letter. I remember writing that letter like it was yesterday. Before he could finish the letter I walked off farther into the park field and sat down on the grass crying. It took twelve years for him to read my letter and now he knew my true feelings. I loved him for years even though I hadn’t heard or seen him.
I had kept that hopeful spirit for years and it hit me in my senior year that I had gotten my hopes up. Now look where I was. I had seen Matt again and the letter never even crossed my mind until I had mentioned it the night we had our official first kiss.
I heard someone kneel next to me and wrap their arms around me. Matt pulled me to his chest as I cried in realization. Matt promised,” If I would have gotten that letter I would have been on a plane to Dallas in a second Jacey.”
I tried to calm myself down as my head rested on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and asked,” Why are you crying Hun? You saw me again and who has my heart is lucky because it’s you.”
He whispered,” You always had.”
Over my sniffling nose I didn’t hear him. He helped me up and wiped a tear away from my cheek and led me towards the swings. Across the sand were my letters and old pictures, each year getting more updated. Even the black and red paracord bracelet I had made for him was on top of one of the letters.
He bent down and grabbed the bracelet and hooked it onto his car keys. I put all the letters and pictures back into the box and we both walked back to the car. I retouched my makeup on our way to Matt’s house.
♠ ♠ ♠
Totally a cheesy ending but you know what can you do? So basically, Matt has always felt something for his old best friend. He says that he always has intentionally to quiet for Jacey to hear. Dumb i know but its better if she doesnt know that for now.