I'm Not Saying That I'm Not Breaking Some Hearts Tonight

Kaitlin had been thinking of Gerard non stop since their night together. Absolutely nothing could take him off of her mind. How the hell was she suppose to live like this? Today was particularly hard because it was Gerard’s birthday, but it wasn’t like any other day was much easier. She had actually bought a card when she stopped at Bagel Boss for breakfast. She had filled it out and actually wanted to slip it through the mall slot, just because she was dying to let him know that she didn’t mean the awful things she said to him. How could she say that sleeping with him was a mistake? How could she say that she didn’t mean that she loved him? She loved him with all her heart, and it killed her that Gerard doubted that, even if they couldn’t be together. She was sitting outside Gerard’s house, deciding what to do. She had to do it. Kaitlin had to let Gerard know that she loved him, that she was thinking of him. Kaitlin got out of the car and took about two steps when the front door opened. Mikey and Gerard’s parenting were leaving the house. Mrs. Way turned back and shouted into the house.

“Now, don’t forget to call, you hear?”

Kaitlin panicked. Fuck, should she go back into the car? She couldn’t, Mr. Way had already seen her. She smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. The door closed and Mrs. Way looked forward, spotting her. Kaitlin smiled as the pair of them walked towards her.

“Mr. and Mrs. Way, it’s so nice to see you,” she said smiling.

“I thought you and Mikey broke up,” replied Mr. Way in a gruff voice.

“Oh we did, but it’s Gerard’s birthday and he’s been a really good friend to me when I needed him and everything so I thought I’d just slip this in the mail slot and all,” she said nervously.

“Don, I’ll meet you in the car okay?” said Mrs. Way smiling sweetly.

“Whatever you say Donna,” he said and with that he walked over to their car and got in.

“Mrs. Way,” said Kaitlin, awkwardly.

Her lips were pursed and she looked like she was debating on what to say.

“Don’t do this to him. You either want to be with him or you don’t,” she said.

“Oh, no. Mikey and I are definitely over.”

“I’m not talking about Mikey. I’m talking about my other son.”

“He told you?” she asked a bit embarrassed.

“He did, and he loves you very much. If you asked him to choice you over Mikey I can guarantee he’d choice you without thinking twice. But you can’t do this. You can’t send him mixed signals. I respect you so much for not wanting to come between Gerard and Mikey, but don’t toy with Gerard. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“I’m not. I don’t mean to do that to him. It’s just I said things I shouldn’t and I just—I don’t know,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. Mrs. Way put her hand on Kaitlin’s.

“I trust that in the end, everything will work out,” She said smiling. She let go of her hand and started to walk towards her car but turned around just before she got it. “I’d be much honored to have you in my family. I would be much honored for you to be with Gerard, despite everything that went on between you and Mikey.” Mrs. Way got into the car and her and her husband drove off. Kaitlin stood their momentarily. She wiped her eyes and walked to the front door. She slid the card into the mail slot and walked away, praying that no one would answer the door, but she never had any luck, why should it kick it now? The door opened, and her back was towards it. She prayed it would be Bob or someone who would let her leave.

“Kaitlin?” said the voice. Fuck, of course it was Mikey. She turned around and gave a big wave, the situation was so awkward. What else could she do? He held up the card and gave a question look. He also voice aloud what she was doing here.

“It’s Gerard’s birthday,” she explained for a second time that night, “and he was a really good friend so I figured I just give him a card or something.” He seemed to buy it. He stepped out of the door way and partially closed the door behind him.

“I should get going,” she said nervously. She didn’t want to talk to him.

“Can we talk?” he asked, putting the letter in the pocket of his hoodie.

“Uh, yeah, sure. If you want.”

“I just, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. And I know that no matter how many times I say that it will never make up for what I did. I know that it will never be okay. But I just want you to know that I am truly and deeply sorry for all the pain that I caused you. I never meant for you to find out the way you did. I never meant to hurt you, I just—I’m just so sorry and I hope that one day you’ll be able to, not forgive me, I understand if you never forgive me, but I hope that one day you won’t hate me. Even though you have every right to hate to me, I just hope you don’t.”

“That meant a lot to me,” said Kaitlin, biting on the inside of her cheek, looking for words, “Thanks.” Mikey shook his head.

“Don’t thank me,” he said, you could hear how ashamed he was. She just looked at him. She wanted to tell him how she hated him at first, but how she sort of thanked him. Towards the end of their relationship it had been so obvious, but she didn’t realize it. She had gotten so close with Gerard, that she didn’t mind spending Friday nights with him stead of her boyfriend. No one said anything. Mikey shrugged.

“Hey, at least it wasn’t with your sister, eh?” he said, trying to make light of the situation. That was completely uncalled for, and Kaitlin slapped him right across the face. “I deserved that,” he said, rubbing his cheek.

“Yeah, you did.”

“I shouldn’t have said that, and I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

“Then why did you?” she asked. It sort of just came out, she was unsure that she wanted to hear the answer. He hesitated.

“Donno,” he said shrugging, “I just—I guess I wasn’t happy. And I’m sorry; I should have broken up with you, I just, I was scared of being alone. That’s the selfish truth. I just wanted someone to love me and be there for me. I did love you though, and I’m not just saying that. I just, I wasn’t happy, with her I’m happy though. And I know I don’t deserve to be happy. I deserve to rot in hell, and I know I will. I just, I don’t know what to say Kaitlin. I’m just so, so sorry, and I don’t know. I’m sorry, that’s all I can say.” He stopped talking; his eyes were filled with tears.

Kaitlin walked towards and hugged him. Surprisingly, she didn’t hate him.

“I’m so, so, so, sorry,” he whispered into her ear.

“Don’t,” she said, “its okay.” They broke apart and Mikey quickly wiped his eyes, acting as if he wasn't just crying. “I should go,” she said. He shook his head and they said goodbye.

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“So help me god, if you do anything!” shouted Lauren.

“I don’t understand why you’re getting so fucking worked up about it!” yelled Frank.

“Did you fucking see him tonight? He was so happy! If you do anything to Mikey and Jenna I swear.”

“Oh come on Lauren! You were there the first time they went out. And this time it will be just so much worse!”

“He’s happy Frank, He’s in love. Just leave him the fuck alone!”

“No, he’s my best friend; I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“No! No you can’t! You can’t just bud into people’s life. You’re not cupid you fucking shit.”

“Wow, I don’t understand why you have to be such a goddamn bitch about it! Marissa doesn’t care! She’s not giving Bob any shit; hell she said she’d be more than glad to help! And Sammy! She was proud of Ray, but NO my girlfriend has to be a motherfucking psychopath!”

Frank ducked because a shoe came flying at his head.

“What the fuck?!” he yelled.

Next came a pillow, a pair of his boxers, and a blanket.

“You can sleep on the goddamn couch tonight!” yelled Lauren as she slammed the bedroom door in Frank’s face.

“Wow! This is what I get!” he screamed, “for being a good friend, for caring. I swear Lauren, just because you don’t want me to break them up I will, and then you’ll see!”

She opened the door, “Franklin Anthony Iero Jr. If you do anything to break them up, I swear you will regret it.”

“Don’t you give me a fucking threaten me!”

“It’s not a threat Frank, it’s a fucking promise,” she said slamming the door.

Frank stared at the bedroom door. Was it worth it? Was breaking up Mikey and Jenna worth losing Lauren? If Lauren would leave him just because of that was she really as in love with him as she said? Frank rubbed his forehead and walked to the couch. Everything was just really fucked up.