I'm Not Saying That I'm Not Breaking Some Hearts Tonight

Gerard walked down stairs and into the kitchen. Sammy, Lauren, and Marissa were talking. Gerard told them what Mikey had said with little conviction in his voice. He could tell the girls didn’t believe him, but who could blame them? He didn’t believe Mikey. Gerard walked outside in front of his house and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it and closed his eyes. He felt his face turning red from the cold wind. Chills ran through out his body and his neck hair’s stood up. Despite being freezing, Gerard loved the cold. He felt that every single cell in his body was alert. He sighed and pulled out his cell phone and called Emma. She didn’t answer her cell so he dialed her house. She answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” she said.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Gee, Hey.”
There was an awkward pause.

“Want to do something tonight?” he asked.

“I can’t,” she said right away.
Gerard didn’t know what to say to that.

“Oh…uhm…” he stammered.
“It’s just, I’m really tired and I have loads of work I have to finish by tomorrow,” she said.

“Okay, Call me if you finish early or just to talk,” he said.

“Bye,” said Emma.

“I love you," said Gerard, but not before he heard Emma’s phone hang up.

It was getting dark by now and Gerard was just standing there. He put out his cigarette, walked to the middle of his lawn and sat down. He looked up to the sky; it was too early for the stars. He laid down and continued to look up into the sky. He wondered if Emma really had a lot of work or if he was just being paranoid. Emma was probably the most confusing girl he had ever met in his entire life. In public or with other people she was either the life of the party or just sat around. Lately she seemed bored and uninterested in everything around her. She seemed unhappy and it killed him. When they were alone everything was fine, but that was when they first started dating. Now half the time, she was very moody, paranoid and jealous. The other half she acted as if she didn’t even care about Gerard. He sighed. He wanted someone to love him unconditionally. He wanted someone to make him laugh when he was upset. He wanted someone to be there for him. He didn’t want cryptic messages or have to figure out what someone really meant when they said something. He wanted someone that he was able to talk to. He just wanted someone to love him as much as he loved her. Was that too much to ask for? Were his expectations in a girlfriend too unrealistic? He lay outside for a while. Gerard sat up and saw a car pull up to his house. By now stars littered the sky. Kaitlin got out of the car.

“Gerard? Is that you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” He said.
She walked over to the middle of the lawn and sat next to him.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, concerned.

“Is it ever?” he sighed.

She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Gerard knew her answer.
He laid back down; he thought she’d get up and go into the house, but to his surprise she laid next to him. They stared up at the sky, gazing at the stars. After several moments of silence Kaitlin rolled over onto her stomach and spoke.

“Everyone deserves to be happy,” She stated. Gerard rolled over onto his stomach, and they were both facing the house. She started to pick at the grass.

“Everyone?” asked Gerard. “Even rapists and killers and psycho child molesters?”
Kaitlin thought for a moment and then spoke.

“Maybe those people wouldn’t be in like that if they were happy in the first place,” She said. He thought about what she said for a while as they laid their in silence.

“I underestimated you,” he admitted.
She shrugged.

“Most people do,” Kaitlin said quietly, and with that she stood up, brushed off her clothes and walked into the house.