Endless Regrets

It was a balmy summer night in Sparkling Hills, Rhode Island. The full moon shined above the tree tops, creating beams of light that shifted when clouds obscured the moon's view. The breeze gently swayed the swing set in my backyard, creating a creaking sound that would normally stir fear within me. But on that particular night, I didn't care. Jenna and I were going to that party just two blocks away from my house. We would walk and that would be that, no matter what my parents demanded of us.

Desperately seeking for the clock to strike eight p.m., I retired to my room for that night. My mother put Oliver down by reading him a story, and then went to sleep as well. Jenna and I sat anxiously in our rooms as our father left for his shift in the emergency room. Apparently a crash was reported and two people were being rushed there in critical conditions. He bid his family a goodnight and that was it. At eight p.m. the grandfather clock sounded throughout the entire house, and I found myself traveling to the front door, rather than scaling down my house. It just worked out that way. Jenna and I were out without a sound. Our dogs did not bark, nor did the fish make a peep. Obviously the fish wouldn't talk but our dogs could have.

The clack of our heels against the pavement disrupted the almost-soundless night. With each step, we got closer and closer to the house. I got closer and closer to Tyler. The breeze raised bumps on my arms and legs considering they were barely covered up in the little black dress I wore. Jenna looped her arm through mine, and we strutted up the steps of the rather spacious house planted on 435 Fireside Street. The music pumped through my chest as bodies moved in the living room to the beat. Jenna left me the moment we entered in order to go flirt with her current boyfriend, Robert. Within two minutes they were dancing scandalously on the so-called dance floor. Within two minutes, Tyler began chatting with me.

"Hey, Charlie. It's shocking to see you here," he whispered in my ear, almost like a secret, before flashing his lopsided movie star smile towards me.

"H-hey. Jenna wanted me to come, so I decided that it would be okay to go to one party, I guess. I mean, not that I did not want to come anyways, but I just have so much home--I'm babbling, aren't I? I'm sorry, I d-don't mean to," I faltered. Tyler grinned, his blue-green eyes lighting up his entire face even if we both were in the dark. He grasped my hand in the most gentle way I have ever been touched, and glided with me towards the front door. He didn't care if this was his house, all he cared about was me. I think.

We meandered to the backyard where there were people swimming in the pool. They may have been drunk, but Tyler was not stupid. He was a lifeguard and felt the need to survey the pool at all times. We sat on the pool's edge and dipped our feet into the lukewarm chlorinated water. He took my hand and gazed into my eyes. He stared right into my core, seeing all the secrets I held from the rest of the world. His lips parted ever so slightly as I glanced around his face. His high cheekbones and flawless, tanned skin were accentuated in the reflection of the pool, and his shoulders were slumped in order to be level with my petite frame. He was a rather tall guy, but it made him all the more handsome. His lips, oh, his lips were beautifully full yet not too full. His lips were all that I needed in that moment.

To my greatest chagrin, I did not receive a kiss. I did not really receive anything but another lopsided smile, which still sent my heart into frenzied palpitations. Where did all this attention suddenly come from? Just a few hours ago I had no idea that he even acknowledged my mere existence. He gently rearranged a piece of unruly hair that was in my face, placing it back over the part before holding my hand once more. The silence was all that I needed in that moment, even if drunken teenagers were howling unappealingly towards us.

"I apologize for them. They can't help it, they're drunk. You understand, don't you?" he sheepishly asked me. I nodded even if I didn't really comprehend what makes someone want to be drunk. I leaned against his warm body and he wrapped his arm around me. It all felt so natural regardless of me never having a real boyfriend. I've had flings, but never anything that made me feel this good just by being so close. Tyler made me feel truly happy.

Desperate for a shoulder to cry on, Jenna launched herself towards us. She sat beside me sobbing uncontrollably, tried to keep her composure but failed. I turned away from Tyler to glare at my sister. "What's wrong now, Jenna?" I questioned.

"Robert cheated on me, Charlotte! He cheated with that whore Jessica!" she informed me, her speech slurred. I could not help but roll my eyes, I knew he would do that. He was known to cheat on girls with several other girls all at one time. It wasn't that much of a shocker, but I still empathized with my sister. She definitely did not deserve such terrible attention from terrible guys.

"It's okay, Jenna. It'll all be fine in the morning, now please stop crying," I pleaded. Tyler rubbed her back in order for her to calm down. She let out one last sob before turning her body away from the both of us, and stumbled back into the party. I repressed a sigh before glancing towards Tyler, my eyebrows raised in a question.

"I can drive her home, Charlie. I can drive the both of you home," he sighed for me. I kissed his cheek without realizing what I was doing, and then blushed the brightest shade of red even a blind person could see. He held my hand as he showed me to the door, taking my sister with us as well.

We stepped into his black Audi, and rolled out into the street. It was about a twenty minute walk (the blocks were huge) and a five minute drive home. Never did I think anything bad would happen. Never did I consider the implications that driving drunk has on a person that hardly even seemed drunk.

Regret number three: getting in that car.

Tyler was drunk. The sparkle in his eyes was not from his smile, it was from the alcohol. The moment we rolled into the street he swerved back and forth, back and forth. I gripped onto my sister in the back seat. Even she understood what was happening. Tyler sped up, and his smile grew bigger and bigger while my fear grew stronger and stronger. I desperately cried out for help, but no cop nor God helped me.

We ended up slamming into a car turning left into an intersection. Tyler didn't have the time to stop as the headlights flashed in our field of vision. Tears streamed down my face and i heard Jenna cry out for my father. I couldn't help but do the same. The sound of metal crunching together rang in my ears, and then, everything got silent. My world was darkness. My world was a spine-tingling silence. My world was nothing as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

Desperately seeking a hand to hold onto, I reached out. I didn't feel my arm move the way I wanted it to. I didn't feel my fingers fidgeting to grasp anything within reach. Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn't open my eyes. I heard myself crying, but I couldn't say a word. It was like this for an eternity. In actuality, it was a couple of hours. When the effect of the anesthesia wore off, I found myself in a white room called the ICU. My father, mother, and brother stood over me with somber looks upon their faces. I was confused.

"Don't speak. Your larynx can be destroyed if you use it too much, and you've already been crying. You'll be fine, darling, as long as you don't talk," I heard my father say. He hesitated to tell me the condition I was in. I wouldn't look anywhere but his eyes. In his eyes I saw sorrow, in my mother's eyes I saw sorrow, and in my brother's I saw confusion. I'm sure they all saw confusion in mine as well. "You have three cracked ribs. Your tibia is shattered, you misplaced a vertebrae in your lower spine, your right arm is broken in two places and your left arm..." he stopped. His voice cracked and he let out one sob. My mother reached out for him and wrapped her arms around him. Oliver frantically looked about the room, trying to keep his eyes off of me. He didn't wish to see me in this condition.

"You don't have a left arm anymore, Charlotte," my mother informed me in a terse manner. I looked down. Passed my elbow, there was nothing. Just a mere nub that was wrapped in blood-soaked gauze. I let out a silent cry, the tears rolling off of my face and down my torso, passed my cracked ribs. The vulnerability I felt in that moment drove me passed the point of insanity. I was just so broken I couldn't handle it. How could this happen to me? I had a promising future and all of that was taken away...along with my arm. It was then that I observed my sister wasn't anywhere. I figured she was in surgery, but Oliver answered my question.

"Jenna's gone. Can't you feel her with us? She's in here somewhere, Charlie. She is," he whispered. I gaped at him. The verification of her death came from my father: a single head nod. Barely enough for Oliver to notice, but just enough for me to see. I wailed in my bed, the sobs coming out as natural as the ocean tide crashing on the shore.

My sister, Jenna, lost her life because of the boy that I thought I knew.

I, Charlotte, lost an arm because of the boy that I thought I knew.

How can you pick up the pieces of life that had been destroyed when you do not have anybody to help you?