Come With Me

Ian's away, in Wales. Why Ian? Why? I miss you, I miss you so, so much. I miss you're touch. I miss you're kiss. I know you're down in Wales with Lee. I can figure that you're kissing him, hugging him, holding hands with him as you walk down the street.

No. Sean. Stop. Stop thinking about him. You need to move on. He has.

"I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you, but I want it and I need it, I'm addicted to you but it's over can't forget what you said! Heartbreaker! Heartbreaker!"

I sang quietly. Maybe I am addicted to Ian? What if I can't live without him? Just breathe Sean. Breathe.

Ian's voice kept playing in my head, over and over. The conversation we had when he broke up with me...

"Hey Seany, I need to tell you something..." he gulped. "Oh, um okay. What is it?" I started shaking from fear, what is he going to say to me? "I-I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm doing what I think is right... I miss everything in Wales. Nothing's like it used to be, I think it's better if we stop these feelings for each other."

"E, you don't have to if you like him a lot..." Lee mumbled to him.

"Ian, listen to Lee." I shouted from down the line. "I'm doing what's best for me. I'm continuing to date Lee, and I'm sorry. Nothing's going to wash over that. I'm sick of the little love games, the back and forth between me and Gavin. We can remain friends, but nothing more. Have a good time with Gavin."

Tears came flooding down my face.

Knock, knock

"GO AWAY!" I cried into my pillow.

It was mum, she came in anyway.

"Sean, sweetie, I'm worried about you. You've been holed up here for days."

She said softly sitting on the end of my bed.

"But mum. I think I LOVE Ian..." I cried through my tears.

"I know, sweetie." Mum cooed pulling me into a hug. I sobbed into her shoulders.

"But I ruined it by going with, Gavin. Mum Gavin and I had sex and Ian found out!" I cried harder.

"Sean Andrew Smith! YOU'RE ONLY 14 YEARS OLD! YOU'RE UNDER AGE!!" Mum yelled at me pushing me away.

"I'M SORRY MUM!! PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!" I screamed.

"I don't hate you, Sean! I'm just extremely disappointed in you. Couldn't you have waited?!" She wailed standing up.

I stood up also.

"MUM I'M REALLY SORRY! I'VE STUFFED THINGS UP!" I screamed. I sat down slowly and rubbed my hands over my face.

"I'm just a worthless piece of shit." I whispered.

"Honey, no, you're not. You're not worthless. Do you hear me?" I nodded.

"Now, get some rest." Mum smiled.

I nodded and climbed under my covers.

Once mum was out of the room I got out my phone and texted Ian.

Ian, I'm sorry. I'm a worthless piece of shit. I never should have cheated on you with Gavin. It's too late to say this but, I love you.

Have a real good time with Lee. I mean it.

Lot's of Love

Sean
xox

I waddled through to the bathroom and picked up the nearest razor.

I need an output.

I cut my thigh a couple of times and watched the blood trickle out until I stopped it with the toilet paper.

"Shit." I whispered realising what I had just done.

I looked at my phone and saw one new text from Ian.

Sean, it's too late. I love you too, but you've broken my heart. I'm sure I've broken yours but we need a break. Lee says hi. I'm going to stay with Lee for a little while then see where things get us.

r'wyn dy garu di

Ian
xox

I put my phone down and lay on my bed crying.

I've fucked up majorly this time.