Please Don't Forgive Me

The reflection in the mirror is what captures my attention. The long, silky white dress contrasts against my tan skin. I always liked how things contrasted, especially when Ashley held my hand in his ghostly pale white one.

My throat aches, and I continue to scan my reflection. The white veil casts over my face and dark brown hair, that everyone insisted one curling, saying how beautiful I'd look if I had them. I felt uncomfortable in the high heels I wore. My tummy aches, and my brain whirls around a pointless thought that made my hands sweaty and shaky, and my stomach hurt a whole lot more.

‘You know you don't have to do this.’ A voice in my head informed conceptually, which made me worry a lot more as I mess with the bobby pins in my hair, fixing the little strands that were sticking up at the top of my head. ‘You know he's naive.’

Today was the big day, the day that I was going to marry the boy I've known almost eight whole years, and claim his last name as my own too. Today's the day I've been waiting for ever since I could remember. But now I'm starting to think weddings weren't as magical and fun as I thought they were cracked up to be. I always thought this day would be filled with joy.

I was completely nervous, beyond what could even be comprehend-able.

You know, when I first meet Ashley back in 2002, I never would've thought that we'd actually make it this far. To best honest, I didn't even know if he'd actually even remember my name since it was dull and boring.

I admired him from afar, crushing on him and cursing at every beautiful busty blond girls talking to him, for I knew he could've had anyone he wanted. I knew he'd never want an ordinary girl like me.

You couldn't even imagine how excited and happy I was when he had asked me to go to the movies with one night, and I wanted to burst with joy once he stolen my first kiss that night. And a few days later he had asked me, also stealing the title of my first boyfriend.

It made me feel happy, with that little nice fidgety and giggly feeling knowing that there was someone that actually liked me. When we had graduated high school together, let's just say he also took the title of taking my "innocence".

We still dating, and when I was about twenty and Ashley was about twenty-one, and Ashley and I had both gathered up enough money to finally rent our own apartment near a city by Los Angeles with a nice view. I was taking courses online to become a graphic designer, while working part time at this one boutique store. Ashley had started a band with a couple of his friends and soon they began playing local shows, letting their name get know little by little.

Always listening to Ashley sing lyrics and the sound of him plucking his bass, working on new songs for his band always brought a smile to my face.

Everything was going perfectly fine, until the bills came. That's when we reached our down point as a year passed by. Our money was running low, so low that I had to make sacrifices and sell some stuff I can't remember for a quick buck to pay the overdue payments.

Ashley's band had split up due to differences. He had always said it was his fault that we were getting behind our bills, it had irked Ashley so bad that he would come home drunk, and then eventually start to cry, saying that I was going to leave "his sorry ass".

We soon began to start fighting and yelling at each other, arguing over something as stupid as not making the bed in the morning. It was a habit for the both of us to point out each others mistakes and blame each other for anything. I had never cried in front of Ashley, but when I caught him fucking another girl in our apartment I couldn't help it.

But Ashley apologized about a million times, begging for me to take him back. And I did, I really loved Ashley even after what he'd done, and all the arguments we've had. Everyone deserved a second chance. Besides, I'm lucky that Ash just didn't leave me for her.

Ashley had gotten depressed eventually after that, he wanted to sell his basses to the local music store. But I never let him, playing music for people was his absolute dream. I wasn't about to let him give it up. I wanted him to be living proof that anyone could fulfill their dreams only if they worked hard enough to do so, and Ashley wasn't about to give in now.

I scoured the Internet and local newspapers for any ads to see if there was any position for a bass player or singer in any bands, and after a few weeks I had saw a positioning for a band called Black Veil Brides, to be honest, the name threw me off a little, but I called anyway.

The young boy named Andy told me to meet him in an apartment that wasn't too far from where Ashley and I lived. When I had told him he couldn't have been anymore happier in life, and that made me very happy.

Soon, Ashley and Andy had met and they instantly connected. And then after that, Black Veil Brides were consisted of Andy Biersack, Jake Pitts, Sandra Alvarenga, Jeremy "Jinxx" Ferguson, and Ashley Purdy.

Ashley was so happy again, seeing that infamous smile appear made me feel so proud of him. It wasn't long after that Black Veil Brides were going to begin touring around the United States, I was happy for them, yet sad knowing I wasn't going to see him for three or four months.

We had barely talked anymore, he was either busy playing a sold out venue, sleeping, or partying with the boys and groupies.

I wasn't going to lie, I was a little bit worried about Ashley and his little drinking habit, I was worried that he'd fine somebody better than me and cheat on me again. Which probably jinxed it because he did. Andy and Jake had told me to drive out to Venice to see them play live, it was about three hours away from the apartment so I didn't see why not.

But when I had got there, I found him through the enormous crowd of people. He was in infatuated with making out with another busty chick. I ran in the opposite way crying as a reflex once Ashley's eyes peered up and widened at the sight of me. But once he caught up with me, he kept apologizing, saying how much he loved me and how much he loved me. Then out of nowhere he asked me to marry him, without the ring, and he promised he'd do it formally another day.

And of course I said yes.

That's what got us here today.

I was scared; he wouldn't have cheated more than three times if he hadn't someone better than me. Deep down in my heart, I knew Ashley wasn't ready for this. He only proposed so I could take him back. As much as I truly loved Ashley, I wasn't the one for him. I mean isn't that quote true; "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

I grasp the beautiful white lace veil in my hair, and place it down on the vanity in front of me. I sigh and feel a few tears fall down my cheek, making my make-up mess up. I quickly exit out the bridal room and run out the back door of the church.

I don't want this to be the decision Ashley regrets in his life.