I'm not okay I promise
Greving
A WEEK LATER
Callie was miserable. Her sister wasn’t as bad but she hadn't seen her mother die. She stayed at Gerard’s house she couldn’t face going back to her old house. Gerard and Sam went to school. Callie had faced two deaths in her family. The worst kind, she sat in Gerard’s room. Tearing up.
Now and again she would get flashbacks. The funeral was tomorrow. Her family were coming over from England to see her but she didn’t want to see them till the actual funeral. What she really wanted to do was to write a song. But she had found before she had lost her notebook. She was really bummed. She sat there silently. She heard the door shut. She thought it was either Gerard or Sam. As they walked up the stairs Callie glanced out the window. She hadn’t been out in a while. They knocked on the door
“Come in” She mumbled. It was Gerard. He smiled weakly and sat next to her.
“How are you?” He asked. Callie looked at him. He gave her a hug. “Stupid question. Do you want to go out somewhere? You haven’t been out for ages.” He said to her.
“Ok.” She said. She stood up and grabbed her shoes and walked out with Gerard.
“Where do you want to go?” He asked her. She sighed and said
“My house.” Gerard looked at her. He didn’t believe her. “Please I need to go there. I think I can face it.” Callie said.
“Come on then.” He said she smiled a tiny bit. The walked slowly up to her house, thoughts were rushing through Callie’s mind. When they reached it Gerard asked
“Are you sure your ready to go back in?” She nodded. She walked over to the door. Took out her key and unlocked the door.
It looked the same yet different. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Nothing had changed it even smelt the same, but there was one thing wrong. It wasn’t at all the same. Gerard was stood at the door. Callie walked further into the house.
“This is where it happened.” She said quietly. Looking at the living room floor.
Tablets and tablet boxes were still there. A tear sneaked up on her and it fell down her face. Gerard didn’t know what to say. She stood there like she was in a trance.
“I thought I could handle this…” Callie said “But I can’t. Can we go?” She asked
“Yeah come on.” He took her hand and led her outside. Being in the house after what had happened freaked Gerard out a bit. Gerard locked the door. Callie stepped back and looked at her house.
“Where did you go mum?” Callie said, “Where did you go?” Callie started to cry. Gerard went up to her and hugged her. This was going to be hard.
THE NEXT DAY
Callie looked in the mirror.
Her hands shacking, she pulled her jumper over her head and fastened her black converse. She was dressed in black; today was the funeral.
Looking at her feet she walked out. Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Bob and Ray were waiting outside for her. She looked at them all. They stared back at her having not seen her in a week. She walked over to Frank and gave him a hug.
“Oh Cal.” He said to her. She cried. “I’m so sorry” She looked at them.
“Where’s Sam?” She asked
“She has gone with your aunt Sarah” Mikey said. She nodded.
They got in the car and drove off. Callie’s head was filled with thought and memories. She has to read a speech. She and the guys were going to sing a song that she had newly written in her book (after Gerard gave it her back when they’d come home yesterday.) She took out her speech. She read it silently in her mind.
“How can I say this?” Callie thought, “She will be behind me.” Gerard smiled at her. She put her head on his shoulder.
“Love you Cal” He said and kissed her on the forehead
“I love you too.” She smiled weakly. They pulled up. Callie’s heart was in her mouth. She held back her tears.
“Are you ready?” Bob asked her. She nodded and walked out. It was awful. Her family and friends all crying; looking around at her and all saying similar things.
“I’m so sorry,” “are you ok,” “it must have been terrible,” “she’s in a better place now”
“She was in a better place here!!” Callie thought, “America was the better place”
The service went slowly and sadly along. Sobs from people sounded out. The worst was yet to come. Her uncle and her friends carried the coffin out to be put in the grave. The air was cold.
A slight breeze and it looked like it was going to rain. Callie wasn’t crying. She was so sad but tried to look strong even though funerals were for grieving. She stood at the graveside. Within all her sadness and sorrow she couldn’t help but feel a slight bit of anger towards her mother
“She didn’t think of us” Callie thought, “She didn’t understand the pain we would go through, we could have helped her” Callie’s hair was blowing in her face.
“Miss Jameson? Would you like to say a few words?” The priest asked. She nodded. She took out her speech. She was now shivering because of the cold.
“Friends and Family…. My mother…. Lorelei Jasmine Jameson … was… a wonderful women… mother…wife… and friend.”
Callie’s eyes filled with tears
“She…. Helped us through difficult times…. We have faced a death in our family before…. The worst type…. Christopher Jameson…. My father…. My mother went through a depression…. seven years later we moved to America…. No longer wanting to stay in England….A new start for us all…. I made friends”
Callie wiped tears from her eyes
“N-not r-remembering how sad I had been…. Th-thinking my mother had got over her depression…. I begun to act l-like a normal teenager…. Finally getting on with my life…. Mother seemed to be happy…. Or maybe I-I was just t-to blind to see.” Callie was almost sobbing. “Getting home o-one day to f-f-find her…. W-watching her…. In the h-hospital…. Her l-last few moments of life…. Were spent with m-me…. I wish she was here…. I wish she…. I w-wish she’d have loved us so much to stay alive…. We loved her…. Each and everyone of u-us. Th-thank you”
Callie was crying her heart out. Walking closer to the grave and chucking a rose and dirt into the grave. She walked back and sobbed into Gerard’s shoulder. The whole place was silent. Cries sounded out. Sniffles echoed.
Saying goodbye is always hard, but this time Callie said goodbye to her mother for the last time…
Callie was miserable. Her sister wasn’t as bad but she hadn't seen her mother die. She stayed at Gerard’s house she couldn’t face going back to her old house. Gerard and Sam went to school. Callie had faced two deaths in her family. The worst kind, she sat in Gerard’s room. Tearing up.
Now and again she would get flashbacks. The funeral was tomorrow. Her family were coming over from England to see her but she didn’t want to see them till the actual funeral. What she really wanted to do was to write a song. But she had found before she had lost her notebook. She was really bummed. She sat there silently. She heard the door shut. She thought it was either Gerard or Sam. As they walked up the stairs Callie glanced out the window. She hadn’t been out in a while. They knocked on the door
“Come in” She mumbled. It was Gerard. He smiled weakly and sat next to her.
“How are you?” He asked. Callie looked at him. He gave her a hug. “Stupid question. Do you want to go out somewhere? You haven’t been out for ages.” He said to her.
“Ok.” She said. She stood up and grabbed her shoes and walked out with Gerard.
“Where do you want to go?” He asked her. She sighed and said
“My house.” Gerard looked at her. He didn’t believe her. “Please I need to go there. I think I can face it.” Callie said.
“Come on then.” He said she smiled a tiny bit. The walked slowly up to her house, thoughts were rushing through Callie’s mind. When they reached it Gerard asked
“Are you sure your ready to go back in?” She nodded. She walked over to the door. Took out her key and unlocked the door.
It looked the same yet different. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Nothing had changed it even smelt the same, but there was one thing wrong. It wasn’t at all the same. Gerard was stood at the door. Callie walked further into the house.
“This is where it happened.” She said quietly. Looking at the living room floor.
Tablets and tablet boxes were still there. A tear sneaked up on her and it fell down her face. Gerard didn’t know what to say. She stood there like she was in a trance.
“I thought I could handle this…” Callie said “But I can’t. Can we go?” She asked
“Yeah come on.” He took her hand and led her outside. Being in the house after what had happened freaked Gerard out a bit. Gerard locked the door. Callie stepped back and looked at her house.
“Where did you go mum?” Callie said, “Where did you go?” Callie started to cry. Gerard went up to her and hugged her. This was going to be hard.
THE NEXT DAY
Callie looked in the mirror.
Her hands shacking, she pulled her jumper over her head and fastened her black converse. She was dressed in black; today was the funeral.
Looking at her feet she walked out. Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Bob and Ray were waiting outside for her. She looked at them all. They stared back at her having not seen her in a week. She walked over to Frank and gave him a hug.
“Oh Cal.” He said to her. She cried. “I’m so sorry” She looked at them.
“Where’s Sam?” She asked
“She has gone with your aunt Sarah” Mikey said. She nodded.
They got in the car and drove off. Callie’s head was filled with thought and memories. She has to read a speech. She and the guys were going to sing a song that she had newly written in her book (after Gerard gave it her back when they’d come home yesterday.) She took out her speech. She read it silently in her mind.
“How can I say this?” Callie thought, “She will be behind me.” Gerard smiled at her. She put her head on his shoulder.
“Love you Cal” He said and kissed her on the forehead
“I love you too.” She smiled weakly. They pulled up. Callie’s heart was in her mouth. She held back her tears.
“Are you ready?” Bob asked her. She nodded and walked out. It was awful. Her family and friends all crying; looking around at her and all saying similar things.
“I’m so sorry,” “are you ok,” “it must have been terrible,” “she’s in a better place now”
“She was in a better place here!!” Callie thought, “America was the better place”
The service went slowly and sadly along. Sobs from people sounded out. The worst was yet to come. Her uncle and her friends carried the coffin out to be put in the grave. The air was cold.
A slight breeze and it looked like it was going to rain. Callie wasn’t crying. She was so sad but tried to look strong even though funerals were for grieving. She stood at the graveside. Within all her sadness and sorrow she couldn’t help but feel a slight bit of anger towards her mother
“She didn’t think of us” Callie thought, “She didn’t understand the pain we would go through, we could have helped her” Callie’s hair was blowing in her face.
“Miss Jameson? Would you like to say a few words?” The priest asked. She nodded. She took out her speech. She was now shivering because of the cold.
“Friends and Family…. My mother…. Lorelei Jasmine Jameson … was… a wonderful women… mother…wife… and friend.”
Callie’s eyes filled with tears
“She…. Helped us through difficult times…. We have faced a death in our family before…. The worst type…. Christopher Jameson…. My father…. My mother went through a depression…. seven years later we moved to America…. No longer wanting to stay in England….A new start for us all…. I made friends”
Callie wiped tears from her eyes
“N-not r-remembering how sad I had been…. Th-thinking my mother had got over her depression…. I begun to act l-like a normal teenager…. Finally getting on with my life…. Mother seemed to be happy…. Or maybe I-I was just t-to blind to see.” Callie was almost sobbing. “Getting home o-one day to f-f-find her…. W-watching her…. In the h-hospital…. Her l-last few moments of life…. Were spent with m-me…. I wish she was here…. I wish she…. I w-wish she’d have loved us so much to stay alive…. We loved her…. Each and everyone of u-us. Th-thank you”
Callie was crying her heart out. Walking closer to the grave and chucking a rose and dirt into the grave. She walked back and sobbed into Gerard’s shoulder. The whole place was silent. Cries sounded out. Sniffles echoed.
Saying goodbye is always hard, but this time Callie said goodbye to her mother for the last time…