Art Is Dead

My last exam passed and I felt awful about it. I was pretty sure that I passed, but I still didn't do as well as I would have hoped. Jo was running around the house like a chicken with her head cut off. She wasn't wearing pants, and only half of the hair on her head was curled.

"Have you seen my bra? You know, the one with the purple lace?" she yelled at me as she descended into the basement in search of her laundry.

"No, I haven't. Have you checked your hamper?"

"Yes! I have also checked the drawer, so don't suggest that either. I need to find it!"

I sighed. I already knew how this was going to go: she was going to have a fit over the missing bra, settle on jet second choice, then find the original one first thing in the morning in one of the places she'd searched several times already. That was what always happened with her.

"What about the black and pink one? I like that one the best."

"But you aren't Nicky," she argued as she appeared at the top of the stairs once more. "And I just know that he'll like the purple one."

I raised my eyebrows. "You expect him to see your underwear tonight?"

"It's a possibility," she said defensively. "You had sex with Bo the first time he came to visit you, so don't go acting holy. You're no better than me."

"Okay," I conceded. "But Bo and I had been talking all day every day for weeks. You haven't had a real conversation with Nick in years."

She rushed into the bathroom, trying to finish styling her hair. "So? He's seen me naked before tons of times. Why should this time be any different?"

"Well," I murmured so that she couldn't hear me. "There's the minor issue of not really knowing each other anymore. But that's not really a big deal or anything, apparently."

"He's going to be here in fifteen minutes!" she shrieked suddenly. "There's no way I'll be ready by then!"

"You'd better not be super late," I warned. "You need to be able to get up in the morning to take me to the airport."

I could almost hear her roll her eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

I got up from the couch and walked into the bathroom. I swatted her hands away from her hair and picked up her curling iron, taking over the chore so that I knew that she would get it finished. "Fix your makeup," I directed. "You've only got one eye done."

"Thanks, Nat," she breathed as she picked up her eyeliner. I didn't reply as I focused on wrapping her hair around the red-hot metal.

I sprayed her hairstyle so throroughly that a hurricane wouldn't have been able to move it. She admired her appearance in the mirror, smiling at the final effect. I urged her up the stairs, trying to get her to put some clothes on before her date arrived.

"I still haven't found that bra!" she argued.

"So keep your shirt on for one night," I said.

"I'd like to have the option, you know."

"I'm sure you can power through with a different bra if you must."

Jo paused as she pulled a shirt from a hanger in her closet. "I just want it to be perfect."

"I know. And it will be, but you have to put your clothes on first."

She finally listened to me and began pulling on a pair of jeans as the doorbell rang. Her eyes widened and her face morphed into a desperate expression. She looked at me helplessly as she struggled to get the tight pants past her thighs.

"Don't worry," I tried not to laugh at her appearance. "I'll handle it."

I headed back down to the main floor and calmly opened the door. I had to work to contain my surprise as I saw Nicky for the first time in nearly five years. The Nick that I remembered had just enough muscle to make himself into a great hockey player. This guy was nothing like that. He had muscles bulging out of places that I didn't even know they existed. If I had seen him walking down the street, he probably would have frightened me.

His brown eyes lit up when he saw me. "Nathalie? Is that you? Why didn't Jo tell me that you guys were still best friends?" He stepped inside and caught me in a hug. I tensed, expecting him to squeeze until my bones snapped, but to my relief he was gentle.

"God, Nicky, what happened to you?" I laughed as we separated. "You look like you haven't left the gym since I last saw you."

He grinned. "That's kind of what happened. I started off kickboxing for fun, but somehow I wound up doing bodybuilding competitions. What about you? You look really good."

"I've just been going to school, nothing too exciting. I just want you to know how excited Jo-"

"Nicky!" she interrupted me with a squeal as she bolted down the stairs and threw herself at him. He caught her in a tight hug - though it still didn't look as tight as I had been expecting moments before. "I missed you so much!"

I stood in stunned silence for a moment, before remembering that she probably stalked his Facebook account on a regular basis. She had been expecting this steroid-fuelled Hulk impersonator. I hadn't.

I watched as the two of them rushed out into the winter air and closed the door behind them. Because I have no sense of decency, I spied on them through the window to see which vehicle they got into. It was no surprise when they climbed into a sleek black truck with lifts. I knew that I shouldn't have been judging someone that used to be one of my closest friends, but it was hard not to. If Nicky had been a total stranger, I probably would have tried to stop Jo from going on a date with him. I knew that her mother would be worried about her safety. But as it was, I hoped that he was everything that she wanted him to be. I wanted her to be happy, and if her happiness was directly linked to Nick, then so be it.

I headed back up to my bedroom and booted up my laptop. Bo and I had agreed to try some new videochat thing, and I had about ten minutes before it was supposed to happen. I chose to spend those minutes by starting a load of laundry and grabbing myself a snack.

A new window popped up on my screen with a message that read: Bo Burnham would like to videochat with you. Do you accept? I clicked my mouse, and within seconds Bo's face appeared across the screen. He was smiling.

"I missed your face," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "You're going to see my face in person tomorrow."

"I can't wait! My mom is dying to meet you!"

I laughed nervously. "Really? She doesn't expect me to be anything special, does she?"

He shook his head hurriedly. "No, don't worry. She's seen some of the pictures that I took when I visited you, but she just wants to see what you're really like. I think she'll be impressed."

"You're not allowed to leave my side. Ever. No excuses about going to the bathroom or any other bullshit like that. I don't want to be alone with strangers."

"It's only three days, Natty. You'll survive."

"I know. I just like knowing that you'll be watching out for me. You know that if I have the chance to say something stupid, I'll do it."

"Hmmm," Bo tapped his chin thoughtfully, realizing that I was right. "Well maybe I'll pick up one of those shock collars on my way to the airport. That way you won't talk at all, because you'll get zapped!"

"Oh, much better," I said sarcastically. "So your family will think that I'm a frightened mute the whole time that I'm there."

"It might be better than the alternative," he teased.

"If I could reach through this computer screen and smack you, I would do it right now. Whatever happened to the honeymoon phase at the beginning of a relationship? I thought you were supposed to think I was an utter delight to have around and I puked rainbows or something."

Bo laughed loudly. "If you puked rainbows, I would be very impressed."

My lips set in a firm line as I tried not to let him see the smile that I was holding back. After a moment, he noticed anyway.

"Don't tell me you actually puked rainbows."

I grinned. "I ate a pack of Skittles before I went drinking. It was really magical, actually."

"Should I be concerned about the fact that you could drink me under the table?"

"You should be impressed," I corrected him. "I've had a few more years of practice, though. Maybe someday you will catch up on all of this liver damage and brain cell loss."

"Now there's a goal my parents would be proud of," Bo smirked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm sure that my parents are excited about it. But compared to my brothers, I look pretty tame. And I haven't wound up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning yet, so things are looking good. They don't know most of my adventures, and I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind. Also, please don't tell your parents. I don't want them to know things like that about me before I get a chance to paint a better picture of myself."

He pretended to mull it over for a moment, then switched topics. "So how's Jo's ex doing?"

"Oh, Nicky is a roid monkey for sure," I said. "He scared the hell out of me when I saw him. If he tried to, he could make my eyeballs pop out without even putting in any effort. But she seems to be as smitten with him as ever, so I hope it all works out for her."

"She's still bringing you to the airport, right? She's not going to shack up with this guy and forget about you?"

"She better not," I growled. "I would hunt her down and bring her a world of pain. I've been looking forward to this since you brought it up yesterday. It can't just be taken away because she can't keep her pants on. But that probably won't happen, because she couldn't find her purple bra with the twelve different push-up features."

"Are you joking right now? Sometimes I can't tell."

I smiled. "Surprisingly, no, I'm not kidding. Except for the twelve features of a push-up bra. I'm pretty sure there's only like one or two ways to do that. But really, I'm too excited for this trip for her to fuck me over."

Bo's eyes twinkled. "I'm pretty sure that underneath all of that hostility there was a girl who is going to be really happy to see me. And trust me, Natty, I can't wait to see you, either."