Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

Jared's P.O.V.

“What the hell Eric?” I demanded, turning to my oldest brother as soon as Jordan’s truck was out of sight. He looked shocked, similarly to the way he had when Jordan had told him he was no longer welcome at his apartment, and his expression didn’t change as he looked to me.

“He’s your Goddamn brother – our brother, why can’t you pull your head out of your ass and get over it?”

He floundered for words, and couldn’t come up with anything. Mom shook her head and walked inside, and a few moments later Lindsay followed – giving Eric a slightly disgusted look before turning her attention back to her baby boy. Marc watched her go, before turning to Eric as well.

“You’re a real first class asshole, you know that?” he asked, and again Eric was at a loss for words.

“Why… how… are you two both just so damn fine with it? Doesn’t it bother you that he…. She… Cam’s lied to us ever since we met?”

“A little,” Marc allowed, and I kept my mouth shut. “But you know what? If I was in her shoes I would have done the same thing. We all would’ve given anything to play in the NHL, because we love it. She loved it enough to give up who she was, Eric, there’s a lot to be said for that,” he explained.

“I just…”

“She hasn’t been lying about her whole damn life Eric! Everything she ever told you about her family or growing up or her hobbies or anything like that was all true, the only thing was that she was a boy,” I cut him off, and he let out a huff.

“How can you guys expect me to just ignore all of that and be so fucking happy about it all?”

“Because you’ve seen what she does to Jordan. Have you ever seen him so happy? This is the first time in years I haven’t been worried about what kind of stupid shit he’ll get himself into, because Cam’s been there. That’s before all of this went down, when I thought they were just friends,” Marc told him, and Eric just let out an exasperated sound.

“Jesus Eric, you’re the oldest, you’re supposed to be the smartest. Are you going to push Jordan completely out of your life because he’s happy and he fell in love?” I asked, and Eric’s eyes widened a little.

“What?”

“Do you honestly think Jordan would have done anything he has for her if he didn’t love her? It’s Jordan – he’d rather die than let anybody think he was gay, but to make sure Cam was safe he let you think it,” I told him, and Eric swallowed hard.

“His whole world revolves around her, he’s cleaned up his act for her, and did you see that ring she was wearing?” he nodded almost nervously.

“He spent all fucking morning dragging me to every jewelry shop in T-Bay to find her the perfect one, and I almost think he was going to propose instead of just giving it to her. He wants to,” Marc finished for me, and I felt happy in a kind of twisted way that Eric was pale and looked like he’d just seen a ghost. It was about time that he figured his shit out and got over this.

“What?”

“Yeah, he wants to get married. The fucking jackass wants to settle down and have kids and the whole bit. Didn’t see that coming? Neither did any of us until he started dating Cam. After that whole Torrie bullshit I don’t know where he’d be if she hadn’t been there for him,”

“And she loves him just as much – when she was sick at the All Star weekend? It was because she felt so bad not telling us the truth. She didn’t even want to meet us that weekend because she thought it would be too weird. She wanted to tell you when you saw them in Pittsburgh,” I continued, and saw his jaw tick slightly.

“So why didn’t she then?”

“Because Jordan knew you’d act like this!” I blew up at him, throwing my hands in the air.

“He knew you’d be too goddamn stupid to just accept it and he figured you’d tell somebody! The last thing he wanted was for Cam to have to deal with some big media scandal and have it come out the wrong way and then never be able to play in the NHL!” I informed him, and he sat down hard on a lawn chair.

“What the fuck…?” he asked softly, and I snorted.

“You can figure out what you’ve just done by yourself; I think you’re smart enough for that,” I told him as I turned to go into the house.

“You better just hope it’s not too late Eric; Jordan’s just stubborn enough to make good on what he said,” Marc added quietly before following me inside.

“I’m gonna go and grab some of Jordy’s stuff and put it in his duffel bag,” I told Marc as we got inside. He nodded, and told me he’d have Lindsay do the same for Cam. I packed him a few shirts, some shorts, a pair of jeans, his sweats and clean underwear, and with a smirk threw in his box of condoms, right on top. I was sure he’d turn bright red when he unzipped the bag and saw it. With any other girl it wouldn’t have bothered him, but with Cam he would get embarrassed, and it would be hilarious, because I knew she’d tell me all about it after.

The fact that he’d stashed the box away in the bottom of his nightstand was unusual in itself – he’d never been shy about having or using them. Cam must’ve really made him turn a 180 for him to get nervous or self-conscious about having them, and I had to praise her on the fact that the box was unopened too.

After finding his tooth brush and his deodorant and putting them in the end pocket I zipped up Cam’s bag, seeing as she hadn’t really unpacked anything, and carried them both upstairs.

“I’m going to go tomorrow and drop these off at Jord’s place,” I told mom, Marc, and Lindsay.

“Why not go now? They don’t have anything with them,” Lindsay asked.

“Because Jordan’s going to need to get Cam settled down, they’re gonna want some time to themselves. And besides, Jordan’s got some stuff there, they’ll manage for tonight,” I explained, and Marc clapped me on the shoulder.

“Look at you, all mature and shit,” he grinned, and mom cuffed him upside of the head.

“Language,” was all she said before going into the kitchen.

“Ouch,” he grumbled quietly, making sure mom couldn’t hear him as we went into the living room. Tanya must have got her family into the vehicle and went back to their place, because there was no sign of any of them around. I let out a long breath as I sat down on the couch, and ran a hand through my hair. This was supposed to be a kick-ass two-week vacation with my best friend here – even if I had to share her with Jordan – and now thanks to Eric it had turned into a total shit-show. God only knew how long Jordan would stay out at his place, because he was too stubborn and cared about Cam too much to let her anywhere near Eric. I guess if worse came to worse I’d go stay in his guesthouse for a couple of nights so I could hang out with them.

“I hope Cam’s okay,” Lindsay whispered. I nodded, picturing her sitting beside Jordan earlier, tears running down her cheeks. I wonder if Eric had any idea what this was doing to her.

“I hope so, I just hope she doesn’t want to end things with Jordan just so there won’t be any tension between him and Eric,” I quietly told her, and suddenly it became dead silent in the living room.

“She wouldn’t…” Marc sounded frightened, and I swallowed hard.

“I don’t know Marc; she just wants what’s best for him, and in her head she’s the cause for all of the problems between them, and she hates that they’re fighting,”

“She can’t… God just think of what it would do to Jordan,” Lindsay said, making my stomach clench. It’d kill him, it really would, because he wouldn’t understand why she was ending it. He’d think it was something wrong with him, and there’d be no one to save him from himself after she was gone.

“And what it would do to Cam,” Marc added, and I swallowed hard. She’d be in a similar state to Jordan, no doubt about it. Granted, she probably wouldn’t drink herself stupid every night and bring home random one-night stands, but she still wouldn’t be any better off.

“I’ll text her later tonight and just see how she’s doing – make sure she won’t do anything stupid because she’s upset,” Lindsay decided, and Marc and I both nodded.

“Did he… was he really going to propose when he gave her the ring?” I asked after it had been quiet for a minute or so.

“I think so, he was edgy and nervous as soon as he had the box in his hand and we left the store… but he’d talked to dad last night – well you know all about that – and I think he was scared about it being too early and scaring her off or being rejected. Otherwise I really think he would have,” Marc told me, and I nodded. They couldn’t break up – it really would kill my brother.