Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“So…” I nodded, not sure of what to say. I sat across from Eric in the small office at the Sod Farm, feeling more awkward than I ever have in my life.

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m not really sure where to start with this,” Eric admitted, making me feel a little better. We had gotten along quite well before all of this happened, and I hoped things could get back to that.

“I’m not much help there I’m afraid,” he managed a small smile then, and moments later the words were erupting from him.

“Cam I’m so sorry – I was a total asshole to you and Jordan without even giving you a chance to explain. I mean, we were friends, and I should have given you a chance to tell me why you were doing what you were and even when you told me you were together and I didn’t know you were a girl it shouldn’t have bothered me so much. I should’ve just been happy for you guys and instead I totally screwed up our friendship and you have no idea how sorry I am because of that,” he blurted, taking me by surprise.

“I know at this point I really don’t deserve it, but I hope you can somehow forgive me sometime. I don’t expect it to be anytime soon – not after the way I treated you, but I hope someday you will,”

“Of course I forgive you Eric,” I told him, and he looked at me in shock.

“What?”

“Of course I forgive you,” I repeated.

“Are you serious? I just… wow, I really didn’t expect that,” he said, and I shrugged.

“I mean, I see why you were upset Eric – I lied to you guys. I hated it with everything I had but I still did it. I can understand why you were angry and hurt and upset, I would have been too if I were in your shoes,” I explained, and he sat back, still looking surprised.

“I just… sorry I’m at a bit of a loss for words,” he told me, an awkward laugh escaping him.

“It’s okay,” I shrugged. We sat there quietly for a while, and then began making small talk. At first it was ridiculously awkward, and soon we began to lapse into fairly normal conversation. About an hour later we were talking like we had back in October. By the time we decided to head back to the farm I turned my cell on; I had a ton of missed calls from Jordan. He had been totally opposed to me going and talking with his oldest brother, especially after realizing that he wouldn’t be within arm’s reach the whole time. I’d spent nearly ten minutes convincing him that it would be okay and not to worry, but he’d had a real pout on when I left the farm with Eric.

My phone rang again, startling me and making me jump. Eric paused, about to open my door for me, and raised an eyebrow.

“Jordan checking up on you?”

“Yeah, he’s probably having a conniption right now – I’ve got twelve missed calls from him,” I sighed, and he shrugged.

“He loves you, that’s all I can say. You better answer before he really freaks out,” he told me, before starting to walk towards the field.

“Hello?”

“Cam? Are you okay? You haven’t answered your phone, is everything all right?” Jordan’s voice was laced with worry, and I let out a long breath.

“I’m fine Jordan, I told you I would be – Eric just wanted to talk and explain and apologize,”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure, you know?” he quietly said, and I felt a small smile. He was just so overprotective sometimes that I wanted to smack him, but he was so damn cute I just wanted to hug him.

“I know, sweetheart, I know. But I told you I’d be fine Jordan,”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay – I’ll see you soon, we’re heading back to the farm,” I told him.

“Okay, and Cam I really am sorry – I know you can take care of yourself… it’s just nice to feel like I can take care of you too sometimes,” Jordan whispered, and whether he knew it or not he stole my heart in an instant and made me melt.

“You always take care of me Jordy,”

“Not as much as I’d like to,” he admitted with a chuckle.

“Anyhow, I’ll leave you alone now – love you babe,”

“Love you too,” I replied, closing my phone when I’d heard him hang up. I leaned against the car for a moment, trying to get myself together because I felt like my heart was beating ten times too fast.

“You all right?” Eric asked as he walked towards me and the car.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured him with a smile. The look Eric gave me told me he thought otherwise though. Finally I slid down until I was sitting on the ground, feeling too emotionally overwhelmed to stand any longer.

“Is it weird?” I asked, and after a moment of confusion sat down beside me.

“Is what weird?”

“How important Jordan is to me even though we haven’t been together that long,” I clarified, and he looked out into the distance as he thought on it.

“Not really, I mean, you two were really close in September, so that’s like nine months,”

“But we’ve only known each other for nine months in total Eric! That’s crazy!” I blurted, and he shook his head.

“No it’s not – calm down. I knew Tanya was it when we’d only been together for a couple of months too. Sometimes it’s just… just right. And you and Jordan are just right,” he insisted, making it sound as logical as two plus two equals four. It calmed me down a bit, thankfully.

“But, I mean, I’ve never even been in a real serious relationship before, how am I supposed to just know? How am I supposed to be so dependent on someone after only knowing them for a couple of months? How do I know it’s going to last and that I’m not going to get left in the dust?” I asked, feeling close to tears now.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa; Cam, you know Jordan would never leave you. He’s never been like this before either Cam, sometimes it just happens. Love is crazy, and it’s unexplainable - things just happen. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been in a serious relationship before, you know how you feel about him, right?” he asked, and I nodded, sniffling and swiping at a rogue tear on my cheek.

“And you know he loves you Cam; my brother has never been so caught up in a relationship before either. I’ve never seen my brother so head over heels that he’s insecure about himself. Not a bad kind of insecure, but I mean, he really thinks about what he does now. It’s okay to need somebody once in a while Cam. I know you’re used to doing things by yourself, and I know it’s hard but Jordan cares about you and he wants to do what’s best for you, you know that,” he insisted, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and giving me a hug.

“I know, but…” I choked on some more tears and he pulled me tighter. He held me for a few minutes until I got a hold of myself.

“Thanks Eric,” I whispered, and he just shrugged.

“It’s the least I can do,” he replied honestly, and I hugged him back quickly before we stood up. He helped me into the car and we headed for his parents’ farm, the radio the only sound in the car.