Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“Wake up!” Becka was beating on my bedroom door, and I let out a groan before hiding my head under my pillow and pulling my blankets up overtop. To say my head hurt was an understatement; when the guys had said ‘a couple of beers’ I’d honestly thought they meant ‘a couple of beers’. But no, a couple of beers had turned into four or five, plus a few shots, plus some vodka… you get the picture.
“Staal just phoned and said that he’s coming over! Get your ass out of bed and get in the shower! It’s one o’clock and I have to go to class!” she hollered, and I warily lifted my head up and out from underneath all of my pillows and blankets.
“Fine… I’m up,” I said, and heard her chuckle.
“You know how well you hold alcohol; you could have said no,” she cheerfully reminded me. After Jordan had helped haul my drunk ass home I’m sure that Becka, Torrie and him all had a good laugh at my expense. I’d even slept in my clothes from last night; the undershirt and my slacks, although somebody had had enough sense to keep me from wearing my button-up while I slept and ruining it. More than likely that had been Becka.
“Cuz they would have let me get away with that,” I rolled my eyes, muttering to myself as she was out the door. It was about twenty after one by the time I was dressed; having thrown on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and ran a comb through my hair, which was needing a trim.
“Come on in,” I called when I heard the doorbell, and sure enough Gronk walked in, looking in about as good of shape as I was. Torrie had drove last night, and I found out just how much he liked to party, and shit could he hold a lot of alcohol.
“Hey, how you feeling?” he asked, a mischievous grin on his face. I raised an eyebrow, and his ensuing grin told me he knew exactly how I felt.
“All right. You?” this time it was my turn to smirk, and Jordan just chuckled.
“First game, and a fucking awesome one at that, so I’ll manage,” he replied, and we sat down in the living room. I knew something was bothering him, something more than just wanting to come check up on me.
“So… what’s up?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t being pushy or anything. After a tense moment he let out a huge sigh, and suddenly the words just started to erupt from him.
“Look, I know this sounds awful cuz Torrie and I have been together for a long time… but things are just different now. It’s not that she isn’t still fantastic, but I don’t know… maybe I’ve changed or something. I just… the things that never used to bother me are starting to, and it seems like I can never have my own space or do my own thing since she moved in with me; I can’t even go for a fucking beer with the guys anymore. It’s not like I don’t want her around, but maybe my parents and my family were right about her and this was a bad idea, but maybe things would be better that way and then it would make stuff easier with us or something… fuck man, I just don’t know what to do!” It was like a volcano had exploded inside of him, and I sat there stunned for a moment.
“Jordan, it’s okay for you to feel that way,” I started, and he shook his head.
“No, I’m a total asshole, and I’m acting like a total asshole to her and I know it,” he shook his head.
“Listen to me; no you’re not, you just don’t know how to deal with it. You’re just feeling cornered, and if you’re not entirely sure what you want how do you expect Torrie to know what you want?” I asked, and he shrugged.
“I dunno,”
“Exactly. So even if it means asking for a little space, maybe it’s something you need to do for a bit. Once you know what you want or where you stand it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to make things work with Torrie, if that’s the way you still feel. Not everything’s meant to last forever, and while Torrie’s great if she’s not the one don’t settle and be miserable,”
“Yeah, I get what you mean,” he nodded, as if it finally started to make sense to him.
“See? You guys will be fine, you just can’t bottle it all up, you have to talk to her about it too,” I pushed, and after a moment he nodded again.
“Yeah… I’m just not good at that kind of thing, you know?” he asked, and I nodded, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
“It sucks ass, but it’s better than stringing her along or hurting her, right?”
“Yeah, that’s true. At least you didn’t just out and out tell me to grow a pair; thanks for that,” he grinned halfheartedly, and I shrugged.
“I’m cool like that,” was my retort, making him laugh out loud before playfully punching my shoulder. He seemed to completely relax after that, and we just sat and talked for about an hour and a half, until his phone went off. He let it vibrate, until he realized it wasn’t stopping and he was getting a phone call instead of a text.
“Fuck…” he swore quietly as he read the call display, and I immediately knew who had phoned.
“It’s cool; I’ll go find something to eat,” I assured him, and excused myself to the kitchen. His voice was low, and I was glad I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I couldn’t find anything that I could just pop into the microwave or eat plain, so instead I made a couple of pizza buns, unsure as to why I was starving. Then I remembered I hadn’t had anything for lunch.
“Sorry about that; I told her I was sorry for being so bi-polar to her lately and that we would talk later, but I just needed to spend some time by myself to get my head on straight,” he said, walking into the kitchen a moment later, and eyeing the pizza buns I was pulling out of the oven. “Shit, you cook?”
“Yeah,”
“Goddamn you are trying to show us all up, aren’t you?” he asked, laughing.
“I can’t barbecue to save my life though, so we’re probably even,” I admitted, and he shrugged.
“We have barbecues in the summer; I’ll teach you, it’s not that bad,” I offered him a pizza bun, knowing Jordan wasn’t the type to turn down food of any kind at any time.
“Thanks man,” we sat down and ate, and while there wasn’t much to it I showed Jordan how to make them, and he was amazed that he didn’t know how to; they were really simple to make.
“I am definitely making those sometime, they’re so good,”
“I know, they’re one of my favourite foods,” I agreed, and we lapsed into companionable silence again as we finished eating.
“Thanks for feeding me and everything; you really didn’t have to,”
“Well I wasn’t gonna sit here and stuff my face and not offer you any, that’d be a dick move,” I rolled my eyes, and he smirked a little bit.
“Sure, sure,” he chuckled, and I shook my head.
“We’re teammates, of course I’d offer,”
“Well you should come over to my place for supper sometime; I’ll show you how to barbecue; it’s the only kind of cooking I can do besides making a sandwich,”
“What? You can’t make soup out of the can?” I teased. He laughed again, but had a sheepish expression on his face.
“It never tastes right when I do it,” he admitted, and I had to laugh, wondering how he’d survived on his own for so long.
“Do you put milk in it?” I asked, and he gave me a look that told me he had no clue what I was talking about.
“Huh?”
“Well when you put it in the pot do you put milk in it or water?”
“Water? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” he asked, totally confused now.
“Well you can, but if it doesn’t taste right then you’re probably used to having it made with milk in it,” I explained, and he shrugged.
“I’ll try that next time then,”
“Tastes way better that way,” I grinned, and he gave me a scrutinizing look.
“You’re different,” he started, then shook his head, laughing, “Something’s just different about you man; never met a guy like you before,” I swallowed hard, wondering if he suspected anything, but the easy way he mentioned it told me he wasn’t suspicious.
“Well my mom worked a lot; so it was me and my dad most of the time. You learn to cook and do laundry and shit,” I shrugged, seeing as it was true.
“Mom was always at home; none of us boys are good at cooking; Eric can only make a few things thanks to Tanya, and Marc can’t even make KD; I don’t know how Lindsay survives when he goes over to stay with him,”
“What about your little brother?” I asked, and Jordan chuckled.
“He’s living with an older couple down in Florida; she’s taken in foster kids ever since her own kids grew up and moved out, so she loves having him there. If he’s in Charlotte all year I don’t know what he’ll do, his cooking ability is right up there with Marc’s,”
“Yikes, how do you guys even survive?” I asked, laughing with him.
“That’s what restaurants and take-out is for,” he shrugged.
“Jeez, I can’t imagine eating take out all of the time,” I admitted. It had never been part of our lifestyle growing up to order in a lot or even go out to restaurants a lot.
“It’s not the greatest, but it is better than starving to death,” he replied, and I nodded.
“True, true. Hey, we play one of your brothers pretty quick, don’t we?” I asked, and he nodded.
“Yeah, in like two weeks; Eric will probably come out to the bar or something afterward. You should meet him; I think you two would really get along,” he suggested.
“Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d introduce you to my siblings if I had any,” I said, then realized just how stupid and random that came across.
“Sorry that was odd,” I immediately apologized, but Jordan just shook his head.
“No, I got what you mean. It’s cool; you’re almost like my other little brother. It’s nice to be the big brother instead of the little one,” he grinned at me, and I felt myself perk up a little bit; that’s quite the compliment coming from Jordan.
“Thanks; it’s cool to have somebody who’s like an older brother,” I seconded, and saw his grin grow as well.
“So, I actually had a reason for coming over other than visiting… but now I can’t remember what it was,” he admitted, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. I burst out laughing; this was a typical Gronk move.
“You’ll think of it eventually,”
“Probably not until I get home, and then it won’t do me much good,” he pouted, thinking hard on what it was. We laughed, and just a few minutes later he left to go back home. I sat down hard on the couch, not sure what to do with myself on my day off; I liked having practice or having something planned with Becka or one of the guys. I wasn’t really big on having a whole lot of down time.
About a half hour later I decided I would go down to the arena and work out for a little bit. Nothing too intense, maybe just go on the treadmill for a half an hour and do some really light weights and some stretches. That seemed reasonable for me, although everybody would probably give me the gears afterward for being an over-achiever, etcetera.