Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

Finally a quiet groan came from the limp figure and his legs moved. I sent up a silent prayer, and only seconds later Cam flopped onto his back and while he looked a little dazed he knew who was around him.

“What the fuck happened?” he asked, sucking in a pained breath, his hand moving to his ribs.

“You got hit pretty hard Cam, that’s all. What hurts?” I asked.

“Ribs. Like a bitch,” he admitted, obviously not impressed with it.

“How many fingers?” Sid asked, holding up his hand with his middle three fingers up.

“Three. How many am I holding up?” Cam asked with a smirk as he gave Sid the finger, mocking his ‘concussion’ test. Sid laughed out loud and patted Cam’s shoulder.
“Little bugger’s fine,”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just winded, I think,” he agreed, slowly standing up without any help by the time our medic had arrived.

“I’m good; just a little winded,” Cam told him, and while the guy obviously didn’t believe him Cam left the ice of his own will, going towards the locker room for what was undoubtedly a baseline concussion test.

“Shit, what a way to start the game,” Craig commented, and I nodded. Cam seemed to attract big mean hits.

“Yeah,” We watched the game intently, having known it was going to be another blood bath, just as the last four or five meetings had been. Left and right guys were being flattened into the boards. A few minutes later Cam shuffled his way over to sit beside me on the bench.

“Good to go,” he confirmed without me even having to ask. He was a tough little bugger, that’s for sure. Being as small as he is made taking hits a lot harder, and while a lot of them ended with him in the training room getting checked for a concussion he always came back out and kept going. A lot of hockey fans were complaining, saying he was just making a spectacle out of himself, but I knew if he had a say in the matter he would have just stayed out on the ice.
“Good,” I nodded, knowing we’d be back on the ice pretty soon.

Our next shift was just as fast and as hard; Grabner slammed me into the boards, and it seemed like Tavares had it out for Cam this game; he pinned him to the boards twice, and while Cam looked like he was hurting a bit he kept on playing. Finally TK scored, putting us ahead just before the end of the first period.

“Good period guys; you’re doing good. Keep it up, we’ll win,” was Dan’s encouragement, before he left us to ourselves.

“You holding up all right?” I turned to see Steve checking on Cam.

“Yeah, I’m good, I promise,” Cam insisted, and I immediately realized just how close the two were. Steve was like a second father to Cam, and Cam needed that father figure to be there for him just as much as Steve wanted another boy to look out for.

“Good, because if you’re not and you’re playing you are in trouble,” Steve warned him, making Cam chuckle and reiterate that he was perfectly okay. Finally Steve dropped it, still not looking completely convinced.

“He’s fine Steve, you know how he is. He might be stubborn but he won’t play hurt,” I added, and Steve nodded.

“I know, I just worry sometimes. He’s just so small out there,” he sounded just like a worried father, which made me grin.

“And he’s twice as tough as the rest of us to make up for it,” I reminded him, and he laughed before nodding.

“Right. I keep forgetting that part,” he went to go grab a drink of water and I headed back toward my best friend, sitting down beside him. He was quiet again, and I knew he’d had too much time to think.

“Hey, none of that right now – hockey only,” I said, playfully elbowing him.

“None of what?” he asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Being all quiet. I need you to be you out there, and whatever’s bothering you we can talk about later, okay?” I suggested, hoping it sounded off-the-cuff and not like I’d been wondering about how to tell him that without it being weird or all like something out of a stupid soap-opera show.

“Okay,” he sounded taken aback, and I just nodded, not knowing what to say now. I was so far out of my element it wasn’t even funny anymore.

I was saved by Dan telling us to get ready to get back out there, and then by the bloodbath of a second period. Cooke got into a fight, and Asham came back to the bench bleeding after taking a high-stick to the face. Both teams were looking more like a rugby team than hockey; bruises, cuts, scrapes, and bleeding; the hitting and penalties were increasing almost exponentially.

“Gronk!” I pushed my stick in front of me and felt the puck connect on my stick from Cam’s pass and then wound up and hammered it towards DiPietro, hoping for the best. I heard the buzzer go off, signaling a goal before my world took a sharp spin to the right and I was skidding along the ice completely stunned. I knew I’d been hit by somebody, but didn’t know why; I’d already scored, it had been at least four seconds since I’d had the puck, if not more.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Cam yelled at whoever had flattened me, and I couldn’t seem to get my bearings to stand up.

“Mind your own business shrimp,” I was pretty sure it was Martin, but I wasn’t positive.
“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you,”

“Wow…”

“What? Too chicken-shit to put your fists up?” I heard Cam sneer, and willed him to shut up.

“Too chicken-shit? No, I don’t want to fight someone smaller than my little sister,” was the reply.

“Yeah, I mean, how could you show your face after losing to someone my size, right? I totally understand. Gonna have your mom tuck you in tonight too?”

“Fuck you!” next thing I knew the crowd was going crazy, and I finally managed to get to my feet and drag myself along the boards, seeing Cam fighting the guy. I winced; Martin’s basically my size, but somehow Cam was holding his own. Being smaller it was harder for Martin to force him over backwards, but didn’t give Cam any advantages at all. After a few huge punches Martin gave Cam a shove, hoping he’d fall over, but instead Cam grabbed his jersey and used the momentum to fling Martin to the ice, before lunging and getting a few more good punches in before the refs pulled them apart.

“Gronk, how are you?” Kuni asked.

“Good, just threw me for a loop is all,” I said, and looked to see Cam skating to the penalty box.

“I can’t believe he got into a fight. And shit, he could’ve picked a smaller guy,” Matty said, making us chuckle. It was true, but it said a lot about Cam to have done so. I was pretty proud of him; just like I’d been proud of Jared after his first big hockey fight.

The game continued in the same fashion; Dan put our lines back to normal for the third period and the game ended 2-0 for us, my goal the last one.

Cam had slipped back into his quiet state, and I didn’t know what to do. Steven sent me a look, to which I shrugged. Even in the locker room we were quiet; all of us were too tired and sore to really celebrate the win.

“So, how do you feel there fisticuffs?” I asked, making Cam chuckle.

“Stupid; he’s twice my fucking size!” he groaned, making the entire locker room laugh.

“You held your own Bates; nothing wrong about that. You won the fight even,” TK pointed out, and all of the guys agreed.

“You definitely won; where’d you pull the karate move from? Flipping him over like that,” Craig asked, and he just shrugged.

“I don’t know, but I knew I needed to get him onto the ice somehow,” was the honest reply, causing some more laughter throughout the locker room. Cam even cracked a grin, and as we were all heading to the showers his phone rang.

“Becka?” Steve asked. Cam nodded, appearing almost hesitant to answer. Were they having problems?

“Yeah,” he nodded, before answering the phone, walking outside.
“Is he okay?” Sid asked, and there was some silence in the room. Nobody really knew, but we all knew he wasn’t acting like himself.

“I have no idea,” Steve admitted. I nodded, agreeing with him. I wish I knew what was wrong, because after all he’d done for me it was killing me to not be able to help him out.
“’E is not ‘imself lately,” Marc agreed, and so did Paul and Matty.

“Yeah, it’s really weird,” James added, and I wished they’d all stop talking about it. Cam could walk in the door at any moment and hear this, and I’m sure knowing all his teammates were talking about him behind his back wouldn’t help him feel better.

“Maybe him and Becka are just going through a rough patch; you know how close they are, it’d really take a toll on him,” I offered, hoping it would be enough for them that they would be satisfied and quit speculating about what was bothering him. For the most part it seemed to work, but Sid and TK came and sat beside me, and it was obvious that they wanted to know about what was going on.

“I have no idea what’s up with him guys,” I told them before they could even ask, which seemed to surprise them.

“Really? But you guys are pretty tight, I mean, you talk about all kinds of shit,” TK said, and although I nodded he didn’t seem to get it.

“So he must’ve said something, dropped some hints or something,” he insisted, but I shook my head. Cam was like a safe; there was no way you could crack him without him wanting you to know what was going on inside.

“No, nothing,”

“It must be something pretty serious; I haven’t seen him like this before,” Sid decided, and I nodded. While we’d only known him for about two months, we were pretty close and we all knew each others’ tendencies. And Cam acting like this was not his usual self.

“Yeah. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready guys,” I told them, hoping they’d get the hint to back off. Sid nodded, but TK was more stubborn than that, and I knew it.

“Don’t get any stupid ideas TK, you know how Cam is. Just leave him be, and he’ll come talk about it when he’s ready to.”

“I know, I know. It’s just hard seeing him like this, you know? He’s always such a goofball, and now he’s acting like someone just killed his dog,” he pouted, obviously upset about the way I’d called him out.

“I know it is; he’s one of my best friends, but if he doesn’t want us involved there’s nothing we’re gonna do about it,” I reminded him, and finally he nodded, standing up and finishing getting dressed.

I did the same, buttoning up my dress shirt and slipping my suit jacket on when Cam came back into the room, looking haggard, even more so than he had before.

“Hey,” I nodded, not wanting to be too pressing.

“Hey… can I talk to you about something?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Of course, what’s up?” I asked, knowing immediately that he didn’t want to talk about it right here.

“Uh… well,”

“Later?” I suggested, and saw him relax, nodding in relief.

“No problem Cam. When we get back to the hotel we’ll talk, all right?” I told him, and he gave me a relieved smile.

“Thanks man,”

“No problem bud; see you out at the bus,” I managed a small smile for him, patting his shoulder as I walked by him to go grab something to eat before making my way onto the bus.