Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“Wake up sleepy,” I heard, and let out a grumble before burying my head underneath my pillow. A chuckle came from beside me, and immediately I froze, remembering I wasn’t at home and that there was only one person who would be trying to wake me up.

“Come on Cam, we have to get going in a couple of hours,” Jordan pushed, and grabbed the pillow, much to my disappointment. I cracked an eye open, hoping he’d see that it was a glare he was getting. He laughed at my expression before I sat up, a yawn erupting from my mouth as I stretched my arms.

“Fine, fine. I’m up,” I grumbled, and he just continued to laugh before stretching out on his bed; already dressed and his bags packed.

“Good; now get your ass in the shower and get dressed so we can grab some breakfast,” he commanded, and after rolling my eyes I obliged, hungry as well. I showered quickly and got dressed, glad that my short hair dried fairly quickly.

“Ready to go get something to eat?” I asked as I walked out of the bathroom and threw my pajamas into my bag. Jordan nodded, and was at the door in an instant.

“Yes, I’ve been hungry for at least two hours,” he informed me, and I could only roll my eyes. It was just like Jordan to sit and wait even though he was starving just so he didn’t have to go by himself. I knew that he could’ve asked any of the guys and went with them, but it was obvious he’d been concerned by the way I’d been acting. I’d been acting like a girl, worrying and fretting over liking somebody I shouldn’t, and I knew I had to stop acting like myself and start acting like the Cam all of the guys knew. So I did my best to be involved in the conversation and be animated, all the while trying to ignore the little butterflies in my stomach that Jordan was giving me. I didn’t have time to be a girl right now, I had to be one of the guys.

“So Cam, how’re you feeling this morning?” Steve asked as he and Brooks came and sat with us, taking the seats that had only moments ago been occupied by Kris and Chris.

“I’m okay, thanks,” I said, managing a smile for them, although they both seemed to notice that it wasn’t completely genuine.

“If you ever want to talk, you know we’re here for you,” Steve said, his hand on my shoulder reassuringly, and I nodded.

“I know Steve, thanks so much for that. I’m really okay, just trying to figure some things out right now. Becka and I aren’t together anymore,” I said, and he looked surprised, as did Brooks.

“Really? What happened?” Brooks asked.

“It was just too weird; she’s my best friend, and while it was okay I think we’re just better as friends,” I explained, and he nodded.

“I understand. What does she think of the situation?” he asked.

“She feels the same way, I’m just worried things will be awkward when I go back home,” I told them, and they both assured me that we’d be fine and offered the spare rooms of their homes for me if it wasn’t.

“Thanks a million guys,” I said, as the waiter brought our food to our table.

“Hungry there Gronk?” Steve asked, eyeing the plate that had been put in front of Jordan; stacked high with pancakes, bacon and eggs.

“Well yeah; it’s ten o’clock and I haven’t eaten since just after the game last night,” he said, not even noticing the little dig that Steve had made at him. I ate a few bites of my omelet before realizing I wasn’t very hungry, and after a few minutes realized the guys were watching me. I’d been pushing my food around my plate without realizing it, and they knew something was wrong for that to happen.

“Cam, you sure you’re okay?” Brooks asked quietly, and I sighed, pushing my plate away.
“I don’t know, I mean, I think I am but…”

“It’s okay Cam, things will work themselves out. You can’t always do everything on your own you know; sometimes people need a little help here and there,” Steve told me, and Jordan nodded. I looked away, not able to meet my best friends gaze because I knew my stomach would do a little flip at those gorgeous sky blue eyes and his little one-sided grin.

The next thing I knew I was being pulled into a hug by Steve, and I relaxed into him, remembering what it felt like for my dad to pull me into a hug when I was feeling down or confused. Then the tears threatened to flow; the memories of my dad and the pain of missing him mixed in with all of my confusion right now.

“It’s okay Cam, he’s still here with you bud, you’re okay,” he said, rubbing my back as I struggled to keep my composure. I heard Jordan stand up, and felt him take my arm and help me up out of my chair, Steve and Brooks with us as we left the restaurant and headed back up to one of the hotel rooms.

“It’s okay Cam,” Jordan pulled me into a full on hug immediately, and that was it. I broke down, the hot tears stinging my eyes before rolling down my cheeks and sobs wracking my frame as my legs gave out and I nearly fell to the floor. Jordan caught me and eased me down until I was sitting on the bed, and never once let go of me. Steve sat down beside me, rubbing my back and trying to be comforting, while Brooks went to go tell the guys and Dan that we should wait another hour or so before leaving.

“Shh, it’s okay Cam, it’s okay to miss him and it’s okay for it to still hurt,” Steve murmured.
“It shouldn’t still… I should be able to think of him and not…” I choked on my words, but Steve and Jordan both shook their heads.

“No Cam, it’s your dad; it’s always going to hurt, and you’re always going to miss him,” Jordan told me as I fisted the tears off of my face, angry that I was crying in front of them.

“It’s okay to cry Cam; it doesn’t make us think any less of you,” Steve added, and finally I sat up, rather than leaning on Jordan, and while I was still hiccupping I felt better than before.

“I’m sorry guys, I didn’t mean to—”

“Cam it’s fine, I’d be in the same state if I’d lost my dad,” Jordan assured me, putting his arm around my shoulders and giving me a quick hug. Then Steve pulled me into a hug, and I felt another tear slip out as it made me think of my dad again.

“It’s okay Cam, you’re gonna be okay. He’s always going to be with you and looking out for you, no matter what happens. I bet you he was cheering you on like no tomorrow when you were stupid enough to fight Martin last night,” Steve told me, making a ragged laugh come from my throat as he did so.

“He’d tell me to pick on someone my own size so I don’t get killed,” I managed, and he cracked a smile too.

“Yeah, probably,” he agreed, and finally I had myself under control enough to finish packing up my stuff and be embarrassed about my breakdown.

“Ready to go bud?” Steve asked, stopping in the doorway and looking back at me.

“Yeah, I am,” I nodded, shouldering my bag and following him out the door, Jordan right behind me.