Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“WHAT?” the words had been out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I cringed as once again complete and utter shock took over his features. He took a step back, and I stood there, feeling the blush move across my cheeks and wishing I’d told him long ago. It would’ve been easier for him to understand had I done it then and not now, not after all of this happening.

“I’m. A. Girl.” I repeated, and he shook his head.

“No, no way in hell are you a—” I cut him off with another kiss, hoping it wouldn’t be the last, that he wouldn’t be too angry with me once he wrapped his head around the idea.

“I’m a girl, honestly. My name really is Cameron, but it’s Cameron Jasmine Bates, not Cameron James Bates like I told you guys. I had to pretend to be a guy so that they’d let me play serious hockey,” I explained, and he sat down hard on the couch.

“S-so, y-you’re a… I still don’t believe it,” he shook his head, and I felt my face turn bright red. How could I prove it to him?

“You know what, give me like, two seconds, okay?” I asked, and he nodded, not moving from the couch. I found his bathroom and stripped down to my tank top and jeans, noticing that they weren’t all that feminine either, but it’d have to do.

“See?” I asked, and he raised an eyebrow.

“So you kind of have womanly hips… that doesn’t make you a chick,”

“And boobs,” I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t that flat-chested was I?

“Okay, really weird question for you… did Torrie leave any clothes here?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Closet?” another nod. I made my way to the main bedroom, hoping this would work.
Torrie was taller than me, but we should be about the same size. I found a pair of shorts and a workout tank top – with a built-in-bra – and changed before walking back out to the living room. This time his eyes widened as he noticed I had too much of a womanly figure to be a guy.

“B-but, how did we not… huh?” he slowly spun me in a circle, and I felt awkward knowing his eyes were moving over ever inch of my skin.

“I tried so hard to not let you guys know Jordan, and you have no idea how awful I felt not telling you,” I looked up at those sky blue eyes, and instead of anger saw relief.

“So you’re not a boy?” I shook my head no. “Who else knows?”

“Becka and the Sullivan’s, that’s it,” I told him, further surprised when he pressed another lingering, smoldering kiss to my lips. He wrapped me up in his arms, and I felt my entire body going limp in relief. I’d expected him to push me away, to be angry and confused and not want to have anything to do with me, I hadn’t expected him to be glad.

“Thank God,” he murmured against them, his kisses getting more intense as his tongue traced my bottom lip.

“You’re not mad?” I asked, pushing against his chest in order to get enough space between us to ask the question.

“Shit no; this makes everything so much easier, and explains why you‘ve been acting funny the last little while. I’m ecstatic actually,” he grinned, and I felt his smile become contagious as I joined in.

“I was so scared you’d be mad,” I admitted, and he shook his head, picking me up and carrying me to the couch before sitting down with me on his lap.

“No, I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. So you honestly, really feel the same way?”

“God Jordy, how could I not?” I asked, pressing my lips to his before kissing his cheek and along his jaw. I felt so awkward; it’d been far too long since I’d been even remotely intimate with a guy.

“Thank God. So can we…can we try this? Us?” he asked, and noticed my hesitation before answering.

“Jordy I’m not sure if I’m ready for everybody else to know I’m a girl yet,” I whispered. He nodded, pressing a comforting kiss to my cheek.

“That’s okay, we’ll keep it under wraps,” he decided, and I smiled, burying my face against his neck, adoring the smell of his shampoo mixed with his skin and body wash. He always smelled so good.

“But even if they know… Jordan it’s not that I don’t want to be with you but everybody will think I’ve fucked my way onto the team if it’s common knowledge we’re together and I’m a girl,”

“Nah, everybody knows you’re an awesome hockey player Cam, they won’t think that,” he argued, but I knew it wasn’t true.

“No, Jordy they will and you know it. Unless we pull off an amazing season and I’m a big part of it everybody will assume I slept my way onto the team, and onto your line if we’re together,” he let out a sigh, resting his forehead on mine.

“Simple. Then we don’t tell them until after the season’s done,” he shrugged, as if it were that easy.

“You sure you’re okay with that?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure. So we won’t tell anybody then?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Not even my parents? Can I tell them I’ve found someone, I just won’t say who?” he asked, those big blue eyes boring into me and I caved. He sounded so excited there’s no way I could’ve told him no.

“Of course you can Jordy,” I smiled, and he pulled me in for another kiss.

“Thanks. My mom’s been dying to know what’s been going on with me for the past few weeks and if I tell her that I’m seeing somebody now she’ll just assume you were playing hard to get and it was bothering me,” he winked, making me blush as he laughed.

“Which wouldn’t be a total lie either, I mean, the whole you pretending to be a guy thing did send me for a loop,”

“You’re such a goof,” I grinned, messing up his hair before he leaned in for another kiss. I could definitely get used to this.

“But you love it,” his infamous Staal smirk graced his lips, making him look incredibly sexy, and I felt another little shiver run down my spine.

“So… how mad would Becka be if you stayed the night here?” he asked, and I immediately froze. It wasn’t a secret that Jordan was a physical guy, and as much as he meant to me I wasn’t ready for that.

“Uh… I, um,” I stuttered, and he noticed my hesitation.

“Easy there turbo, I don’t mean we have to sleep together or anything,” he softly assured me with a playful grin. “I just want to enjoy this tonight before you’re back to pretending to be a boy for the rest of the team.”

“Okay, she probably won’t care,” I said, going to find my phone and text her just to be sure. When all the reply I got was a winky face I knew she was more than okay with it.

I relayed this information to Jordan, whose grin seemed to grow as he picked me up and carried me into his bedroom. I immediately felt awkward, I mean, this used to be his and Torrie’s room.

“Don’t feel awkward; I got a new bed. I don’t like mattresses that hard,” he immediately guessed what I was thinking, and I relaxed a little bit. He sat me down before going to his dresser and pulling out a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt before tossing them in my direction.

“Here you go; I’ll go change in the bathroom,” he said, and I nodded, grateful he seemed to understand that I was a little self-conscious. I changed as quickly as I could, and while his clothes were huge on me they were so comfortable, and they smelled just like him.

He came back into the room a few moments later knocking softly before opening the door. A pair of black Penguins’ pajama pants sat low on his hips, and he wore nothing else. I felt my eyes widen for a second before looking back down at my hands, knowing I was blushing. I heard his deep chuckle and moments later felt the mattress move as he sat down beside me.

“Do you want me to put a shirt on?” he asked. All I could do was shake my head, I couldn’t believe how weird I was acting; it was still just Jordan.

“N-no, that’s okay,” I choked out and leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around me. His skin was extremely warm, and I cuddled up a little closer to him.

“Can I ask a weird question?” he asked, and I nodded, managing to look up at him.

“When’s the last time you had a boyfriend?” he asked, and again my face turned bright red. To say it had been a long time was more than true; I couldn’t hardly remember the last time I’d been in a relationship, or even been really interested in a guy that way.

“When I was like, fourteen or fifteen,” I replied, feeling ridiculous.

“I see… you started getting serious about hockey right around then?” he asked, and I nodded.

“You can’t exactly have a boyfriend when you’re pretending to be a boy, and even before that, when I knew that I wanted to learn to play and everything I basically kept myself too busy to have a boyfriend,”

“So is that why you’re acting so shy?”

“I’m sorry, I-I’m not trying to be, but,” I started tripping over my words and figured I would be better off just staying quiet.

“Shh, don’t apologize Cam, I was just wondering. I’m not really used to shy girls is all; I know how to handle rowdy but I just want to make sure I don’t do something wrong,” he said, making me giggle. That hadn’t surprised me at all; Jordan liked the wild and out-there.

“You won’t,” I assured him, and felt his lips press to my cheek, before he nudged me so he could kiss my lips. I seemed to melt into him, his arms pulling me tighter to him, and when the kiss ended he rested his chin on the top of my head, letting out a long breath.

“Okay. Well, we do have a game tomorrow, so we should probably get some sleep,” he said. We crawled under the covers, and he held out his arm so I could cuddle up to him. He gave me a sheepish grin as I made myself comfortable with my head on his chest and my arm across him.

“What?” I asked, unable to keep from smiling at him.

“I’m a cuddler. Just don’t tell anybody,” he replied, kissing me once more before I laid my head back down.

“I won’t – I promise,” I yawned, and soon after fell asleep, Jordan’s rhythmic breathing rocking me until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.