Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

"Cam, Cameron look at me, you're gonna be fine, calm down," Uncle Rob was trying to help me breath as I sat in the car outside Consol Energy Center, too petrified to get out of the car. I'd been so excited, now all I could think about was making an ass of myself in front of the hockey team I'd dreamed of playing on and loved my whole life.

"N-no, I can't do this Uncle Rob, I really, really can't," I gulped, feeling like I was going to be sick.

"Yes you can. Now march your butt out there and skate like you did last week in Wilkes-Barre," he ordered, and as if by magic I could breathe a little bit easier. Shakily I got out of the car and got my equipment out of the trunk, before standing at the window, my knees shaking uncontrollably.

"I wish I could watch you Cam; you'll do great, just relax," he reassured me, and I nodded before turning to walk into the arena. I probably looked as out of place as could be; a tiny girl hauling a hockey bag into Consol Energy Center, even though I guess to everyone else I passed as a boy. It didn't help to ease my nerves when I saw the framed photos of the team on the walls as I went.

"Cameron! There you are; did you get lost?" Dan asked with a welcoming smile as he saw me. I managed a weak one back for him, and realization dawned on his face.

"Nervous?" I nodded, and he put his arm around my shoulders as we walked down the hall.

"Don't worry about it; the guys aren't that scary, I promise. It'll be just like in Wilkes-Barre," he assured me, and then knocked once on the locker room door before swinging it open.

"Guys! This is Cameron Bates," he said by means of introduction. I managed a sort-of wave, feeling like I was going to pass out.

"Hey! You're that kid who tried out for Brown, right?" I nodded when Sidney Crosby walked over, completely starstruck.

"Nice to meet you," he offered me his hand to shake, and then grinned when he got close enough to see I was nearly shaking.

"Aww come on; don't be nervous, we aren't gonna eat you or anything,"

"Well Staalsy might if he gets hungry, but as long as you can outrun Brooks you're safe," Tyler Kennedy chirped, earning a swat from his larger teammate.

"And you can't listen to a word TK says; everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit," was the blonde forward's retaliation, and I managed to crack a smile.

"Better already, see we aren't that bad," Craig Adams said with a smile.

"So, help Cameron out, show him around, and I want you guys out on the ice in thirty minutes, okay?" everybody voiced some agreement before Dan left the room.

"Marc-Andre Fleury, nice to meet you," and one by one the guys introduced themselves as if I didn't know who they were. As if the whole hockey world didn't know who they were, and more than a few beaks were thrown back and forth between friends. By the time I had all my equipment on I could at least breath normally and almost make conversation.

"So, where are you from?" Jordan asked me.

"Delarane, it's in Manitoba," I answered, and he nodded.

"Down south of Winnipeg, right?"

"Yeah, sort of," I agreed, and he smiled.

"Hey, I'm trying! Give me a break," was his good-natured reply, and I couldn't help but laugh. He was a cool guy, that's for sure.

"Hey Staalsy! Your girl's here!" Craig called, and Jordan looked up, giving her a half-hearted wave as she sat down with some of the other guys' wives.

"Girlfriend?" I asked, and he nodded, letting out a slow breath.

"Yeah. Things are… complicated," he replied, getting a little quiet. I took this as the hint to drop it, and did so. I didn't want to make the six foot four giant angry at me; he could destroy me if he wanted to.

"I know what you mean," I nodded, skating along beside him as we warmed up.

"You've got a girl back home?" he asked, eager for the change of subject. I became uncomfortable, not knowing what to say in this situation. I didn't want to be awkward, but I didn't like telling the guys at Brown that there was sort of someone when there wasn't and they assumed that it was a girl, it was too weird.

"Sort of," I offered, and he nodded.

"Got it. I know what that's like; it's a kind of thing but not because of the distance?" Sure, I'd go with that.

"Yeah, pretty much,"

"Just wait it out, if she's worth it it'll work out," he said with a pat on my shoulder as we joined the rest of the team to stretch.

"Don't take love advice from Staalsy; you will be screwed," Craig warned me, while Marc chuckled.

"Unless he wants to get screwed," he managed to choke out before bursting into laughter, along with the rest of us.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Craig told us, and I nodded. The conversation continued for a few minutes until Dan came and quieted everyone down.

Every drill they ran Jordan helped clue me in if I didn't know what was going on. He was also my partner for any drills that required it. He was easy to get along with, and we meshed really well to play together, which Dan seemed to notice.

"Neal? Is it okay if you sit for a couple shifts? We'll try sticking you in somewhere else in a minute here," he called, giving me a tap on the side with his hockey stick. I hesitantly made my way out to center, taking Neal's spot on Jordan's left hand side. He gave me a reassuring smile and a nod before focusing on the puck about to drop. The scrimmage started so fast I didn't quite notice it. I was doing catch up, trying to keep up with the play for the entire first shift. As we made our way back to the bench it must have been beyond obvious I was upset with myself because both Jordan and Kunitz seemed to notice.

"Hey, it's okay Bates; it takes a few shifts to get used to it," Chrus insisted, and Jordan nodded.

"Cameron you're doing fine! Just ease into it and play, stop over-thinking," Jordan added, and I nodded, even though I was still disappointed. I hadn't done anything that would even make them look at me twice to keep me on the team.

"Here we go," Jordan grinned as we got ready to start our shift on the fly.

"Come on," I mumbled under my breath as TK came up. As soon as I saw the blades of his skates come up off the ground I was gone, and felt the long-bomb pass his my tape as I intercepted it.

"Atta boy Bates," I heard Sullivan's encouragement from the bench as I deked out Brent and slipped a backhander into the net behind him.

"See? You were just over-thinking," Jordan grinned, patting my helmet as Christ skated over.

"Shit you're fast; great interception. The goal wasn't too bad either," he smirked, and Jordan and I laughed as we lined up for the face off again.

This time it was way easier, I stopped freaking myself out and started to just play, and then started having fun. From there things seemed to start to fall in place; I always seemed to find Jordan to pass; and likewise I was always in the right place at the right time for him to return the favor.

"Shit, we're working magic out there! Geno doesn't even know what to do with you Bates!" Jordan laughed as we sat down on the bench after another shift.

"Thanks,"

"He's being serious; you are kicking some ass out there kid. Not too shabby for a rookie," Craig grinned, and I returned it.

When Dan called everybody in we were all getting pretty tired, which he'd noticed by the fact that there was more goofing around happening than hard-core practicing.

"Good job today guys; great effort! I think we're starting to figure out who's gonna mesh with who on what lines, so it's been a good day. Get some sleep and we'll be back at it tomorrow," he said, and as we all started to move toward the locker rooms he tapped me on the shoulder.

"Cam? Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure Coach," I nodded, standing beside him and waiting. Jordan shot me a small grin and tapped my shin with his hockey stick as he went by, so I had a feeling this was a good thing.

"Cam you did an amazing job out there; two goals in a scrimmage is fantastic," he started, embarrassing me a little bit.

"Thanks,"

"I'm being serious. I want you on the team; you and Staalsy are lethal out there together," he continued, surprising me again.

"Wow, that would be amazing," I managed, and he smiled.

"For you and me both. I figured I should give you the heads up that you weren't heading back to Wilkes-Barre. Not that I don't want you to keep trying and playing the way you are, but it might make life easier on you. And this way you know where to look for a place to stay," he continued.

"Thanks so much Coach Bylsma, this means everything to me," I repeated, to which he shrugged.

"You got here all by yourself, I'm just here to help you along," he replied, before giving me a pat on the back and gently pushing me in the direction of the locker room.

"Now go shower up and get some rest; tomorrow's gonna be a hard day too," he told me. I nodded and walked down the tunnel, before pausing at the door to the locker room. I took a deep breath, before making sure to be watching my feet as I walked in, just in case.

Luckily everybody seemed to have a similar routine to me; down to their Under Armor and Spandex and stretching out; a few of the guys were in their T-shirts and gym shorts, but everybody seemed to be giving their muscles a good stretch before hitting the showers.

"So, good news?" Jordan asked me. I stripped my equipment off as quickly as possible before sinking to the floor to stretch.

"Yeah, I would say so," I agreed, grinning like a banshee at the impatient look on his face.

"Well are you gonna tell me or not?" he demanded, playfully elbowing me as I laughed.

"He wants me to play with you guys," I finally told him, and Jordan let out a little whoop.

"Yes! Dyn-a-mite! Haha! We are gonna kick some ass out there Bates!" he said, and soon I was being congratulated from everybody in the locker room.

"Good job Bates; you deserve it," I felt a little guilty as Neal came up to me, seeing as I'd basically taken his spot on the roster. I knew it was supposed to be a no-apologies thing, but I couldn't help feeling bad.

"Don't even say it; you guys know each other like you've played together forever, the team needs that. I'm doing good with Craig," he assured me.

"Thanks," it was nice to have some of the guilt taken off of me by Neal's words, even though I still felt bad about it. As some of the guys started heading to go shower I began to worry, and then decided to go do some stairs up and down the bleachers to 'cool down' and kill time.

"Shit, do you ever quit?" Jordan asked, and I shrugged.

"I've got to try and keep up to you guys, I'll do whatever I have to," I answered, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Even Sid isn't that obsessive Cam, you'll do just as good without killing yourself on stairs," he insisted.

"Trying to re-strengthen my knee still, stairs help," I turned to my second reason, which was also true.

"Really? It doesn't bother it?" he asked, a little curious.

"It depends. I mean, I'm not gonna run them full tilt or anything, but the more conditioning I do the better,"

"Good point. Well have fun with that; I'm hitting the showers and then sleeping when I get home," Jordan grinned, and I nodded. That's what I was going to do as soon as they had all left.

"Jordy?" There was a slight look of panic on his face before he masked it perfectly, turning to look at his girlfriend who'd let herself into the locker room.

"Hey hon," he went to give her a hug and instead she pulled his mouth down to hers, and when he tried to pull away she held him there a few moments longer. Long enough that I felt ridiculously awkward.

"Hey baby, how are you? Looked like a rough practice," she cooed, fiddling with his hair.

"I'm fine,"

"Well I'll talk to you later Jordan," I stuttered, wanting to get out of the awkward situation as soon as was possible. I spent nearly twenty five minutes walking and jogging up and down the steps of the arena, before doing some high knees and butt-kicks in the hall way and stretching out again. I figured that about forty minutes should be long enough for everyone to have cleared out of the showers.

When I went back in I thought I was right, until I saw Jordan trying to shake his girlfriend long enough to get his jacket on.

"Sorry Cam, we'll leave so you can shower," he made a point of saying it loudly, and looking put out his girlfriend took a half-step away from him so he could get his jacket on and put on his toque.

"Thanks. See you tomorrow," I said, giving them a half-assed wave and waiting until I heard the door shut before hurrying and showering in about five minutes.