Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“So that Jordan, is he your best friend out here?” Uncle Rob asked.

“Next to Becka, yeah,” I nodded, pulling out of the player’s lot and turning to head for our apartment.

“He seems like a nice guy,” was all my uncle said about it until we were inside.

“Here, Uncle Rob you can take my room, I’ll sleep on the couch,” I suggested as I carried his little suitcase to my bedroom.

“Cam you can’t sleep on the couch! You have a game to play Thursday night!” he immediately objected, following after me with Becka on his heels.

“Jesus Cam we’ll just share my room; don’t make this difficult. It’ll be like having a sleepover! Just like old times!” she grinned, making me laugh.

“Except you can’t paint my nails and do my hair, the guys might get suspicious,” I warned her. She was about to say something but stopped herself, and I instantly knew she’d been about to make a comment about Jordan. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for my Uncle Rob to know or not, I mean, I wasn’t really sure exactly what was going on there as it was.

“Just a little,” Uncle Rob agreed, oblivious to the slight pause in our conversation.

“So does Staal know?” he asked, and I nodded. No use lying about it.

“Yeah, he knows. I just told him a couple days ago though, and other than that Steve’s the only other person here who knows.”

“Are you planning on telling them?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am. I’m just waiting until it’s… right. You know?” I asked, and he shrugged, not really sure what to think.

“Not really no, but then again I’ve never been in your shoes sweetheart,” he told me. I sighed, not really knowing what to do about it. Then a huge yawn erupted from me, and I realized just how much the game had taken out of me.

“Sorry, but I’ve gotta crash; feel free to stay up or whatever though,” I told both Becka and my uncle, although they both decided that they were going to bed as well. I changed into my pajamas in the bathroom before collapsing onto the air mattress on the floor in Becka’s room.

“So, what was Jordan stepping into that fight about?” Becka asked, laying on the mattress beside me and pulling up the blankets, just like we had when we were little kids.

“I don’t know, he probably thought he was just looking out for me,” I told her, and she nodded.

“Well I don’t really know any guys that would let their girlfriend get into a fight, especially against a guy,” she allowed, making me giggle.

“I know, but right now I can’t be his girlfriend on the ice, you know? He can’t keep doing that,” I huffed, and then she realized that it had upset me.

“Cam, none of the guys are gonna think less of you because of it,”

“They might Becka, I mean, what kind of guy doesn’t even finish his own damn fights? And I totally could have taken Talbot,” I smirked, making her roll her eyes.

“Jesus Christ you are such a boy sometimes,” she complained, making me laugh.

“I can’t help it; I’ve been pretending to be a boy for so long it’s just like, second nature now,”

“So will it be weird when they know? I mean, for you to not have to pretend anymore?” she asked, and I stopped to think about it. I wasn’t sure, I’d never thought much past the actual feat of telling them.

“I have no idea. Probably,”

“I can’t imagine… I mean, I love a lot of things but I don’t know that I love any of them enough to completely overhaul myself and start over,” she said, staring up at the roof. At the time my parents and uncle hadn’t understood either, but when I’d told my dad that I was gonna play hockey and I was gonna play real hockey, with the boys, he’d seen how passionate I was. There had never been any more discussions about it in our house. I knew my mom didn’t like it, especially because I was fairly small compared to most of the guys out there, and she hated the fact that I was pretending to be a guy.

“I kind of shocked myself too… I mean, at first I figured I’d pretend to be a guy until I made a good team and then tell them, and I don’t know… I guess I thought it’d be a big deal and people wouldn’t be so judgmental about it. But then I realized if I wanted to keep playing I had to keep pretending to be a guy,” I sighed. Sometimes it was frustrating, difficult, awkward, but by now I was so used to it at times I’d been scared that I’d lose myself in it, forget how to be the girl Cam Bates.

“People are people, and sometimes people are stupid,” Becka acknowledged, making us both burst into giggles.

“How true,” I agreed, before turning to face her.

“So… you planning on ever actually talking to Sid or are you planning to keep admiring him from afar?” I asked, expecting the blush and her awkward stuttering.

“I… uh… well…”

“I don’t even know why I’m being so stupid about it. I mean, it’d be better to just ask and get shot down than to keep this up,” she sighed, surprising me.

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on, like Sid would want to go out with me when he could date Taylor Swift,” she rolled her eyes.

“Oh shut up, he totally likes you. He was talking about you again the other day,” I grinned, immediately piquing her interest.

“He was? Oh my God what’d he say?”

“His usual; trying to nonchalantly ask about how you were liking school and how busy you were and whether or not you had a boyfriend here yet,”

“What?”

“He asks that all the time; he gets all awkward, and tries to be cool about it and as soon as I tell him you haven’t found one he relaxes and goes back to normal. Even Jordy agrees he’s got it bad for you,” I insisted, and she sighed.

“I wish. Why did you tell me this? You’ll get my hopes up and it’ll make it that much worse!” she playfully complained, giving me a little shove.

“Oh shut up!”

“Whatever Becka,” I rolled my eyes, and our laughter died down as we both yawned.

“Night Cam,”

“Night,” I replied, and moments later we were both out.