Who Wouldn't Want To Be Me

“You sure she’s okay?” I heard the hushed, urgent whispers in the room, but continued to pretend to be asleep. I just couldn’t handle going and doing stuff with the whole Staal family, and that meant chilling in my room by myself until the skills competition tomorrow, as Becka and Sid had spent every waking moment together since yesterday.

“She’s just feeling under the weather Jordy, she’s fine,” Becka insisted, and I silently thanked my best friend for being so amazing.

“Are you sure? Ever since we were at the rink she’s been…” Jordan trailed off, not sure what to make of it. I couldn’t tell him that I was completely torn up about this. I wanted his family to know, but at the same time I didn’t want to completely destroy their trust either. It had me so torn up and worried that I had physically gotten sick several times, so it had been easy to convince Becka I had just caught the flu.

“Yeah Jordy; she was sick earlier. It’s probably just something she ate bothering her, she’ll be fine,” Becka insisted before I heard Sid come into the room.

“Ready to go…” he trailed off, seeing what looked to be a slight argument and me ‘sleeping’.

“Yeah, it’s all good. He’ll be fine Jordy, he’s just under the weather,” Becka insisted, and moments later she left with Sid. The door closed, and I heard Jordan sigh, his footsteps moving towards where I was laying. His phone buzzed, and he answered the phone, sounding tired.

“No, he’s not feeling good… yeah, Becka said he was sick earlier… must’ve been something he ate,” he said, and I shut my eyes tight as that feeling of guilt hit me again.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure he’s okay then maybe come out,” he said, and my stomach rolled. He couldn’t miss time with his family because of me. I bolted for the bathroom, shutting and locking the door before the meager contents of my stomach was emptied again.

“Gotta go… Cam? Cam you all right?” Jordan knocked on the door, and I couldn’t answer him, my stomach heaving even though it was empty.

“I’m fine,” I choked out, before heaving again.

“Cam, unlock the door,” he said, and I couldn’t help the hot tears that were in my eyes.

“Jordan, I’m fine, just go spend time with your family,” I told him, and he sighed.

“This isn’t about something you ate, is it Cam? Just open the damn door, please?” he asked, his voice desperate. I moved towards the door, but heaved again.

“I don’t think I can,” I admitted, feeling stupid and weak.

“Shit,” he swore quietly, but I could still hear him.

“Give me a minute, okay?” I didn’t reply, and somehow about four minutes later he was in the bathroom, pressing a cool cloth to my forehead.

“Credit Card trick; I had to get Jared out of the bathroom once at home when we were kids and he locked himself in,” he explained, sitting down and pulling me into his lap, softly rubbing his back.

“I can’t do this Jordy, I can’t keep spending time with them,” I managed to choke out, before lunging towards the toilet again and vomiting.

“Why?”

“Because I feel like a big fucking fake! I feel like this awful terrible person who’s betraying their trust and I’m lying to some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met,” I choked out, my stomach heaving again.

“Babe it’s not like that,”

“Yes it is! Damnit I want to tell them Jordy, but I can’t… or I shouldn’t… fuck I just don’t know what to do!” I cried, my throat burning, my eyes hot and watering and my stomach still heaving.

“They wouldn’t tell anybody Cam, you know that,”

“But do you think your brothers would play the same way in a game with me? No, and you know it. They wouldn’t hit me or rough me around like they do, and people will wonder why,” I argued, crying now.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll be all right,” he murmured, and pressed a kiss to my temple as he gathered me back into his arms.

“Really?” I asked, my voice a quiet, shaky whisper. He nodded, and cupped my face in his hands.

“Yes, we will be,” he reassured me, and I let out a hiccup before nuzzling my face against his chest. When my stomach finally decided to calm down he carried me to my bed, and sat down, pulling me onto his lap again.

“I need to brush my teeth or something,” I mumbled, pushing up from him and brushing my teeth before using some of Becka’s mouthwash and running a hand through my short hair, pushing it back off of my face.

I walked back into the room, and Jordan pulled me back into his arms. I stiffened, moving to get away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go.

“Jordy,”

“Who else has a key to our room? Becka, and she knows. It’s fine, and seeing as I know you’re going to boot me out and make me go for supper with my family I want to enjoy this,” he told me, and I sighed, leaning into him. I felt his lips on my skin, and he nudged my cheek, trying to work his way to my lips.

“Jordy, you just watched me puke… and you want to kiss me?” I asked, not sure if I was just shocked or maybe a little grossed out.

“You brushed your teeth and used mouthwash!” he argued, and then softly kissed my lips. He brushed his tongue against my lips, but I refused, seeing as I had just been sick. Jordan was okay with it though, and continued to softly kiss me.

“Hey how’s…” I looked up and saw Jared standing wide-eyed in the middle of the room. I shut my eyes and groaned – this is exactly why I hadn’t wanted to spend time with the Staals.