Dear Fate

Olivia Mae Hamilton looked at herself in the mirror. She really was the picture of perfection. Her blonde curls fell across her shoulder in pristine ringlets, with her dress being just the right shade to bring out what color in her skin that she hadn't lost in the last week. The only thing that was amiss was the dull shade of green her eyes seemed to be as of late.

"I don't know that I can do this," she sighed, not breaking eye contact with her reflection.

Holly said nothing, busying herself with trying to find matching jewelry.

"I said, I don't think that I can do this," Olivia said louder, not taking lightly to being ignored.

"I heard you the first time," Holly mumbled, not looking up from the jewelry box, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I honestly don't know what I want to hear," Olivia sighed, turning to look at Holly.

Holly finally looked up from the jewelry box. She looked at Olivia before sighing.

"Nothing I can say will take the pain away," she finally said.

Olivia scoffed, "And what do you know of pain?"

She immediately regretted her words when she saw the hurt look on Holly's face.

"Sorry," she said meekly, avoiding Holly's eyes.

Holly straightened up, "It's not your place to apologize, miss."

It was Olivia's turn to feel hurt at the formal tone of Holly's voice but she said nothing. She turned around and faced the mirror again, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles from the front of her dress.

Holly got the matching set of jewelry to go with the dress and finally Olivia was ready.

"Sorry," Holly mumbled.

"Don't apologize," Olivia replied.

She made her way across the room and out the door without a backwards glance. She strode into the parlor moments later to see her fiancé sitting with her father.

"Miss Olivia Mae, you look lovely," Henry said, greeting her halfway and placing a kiss on her hand.

She smiled her thanks and together they proceeded to the door.

It was an awkward lunch, to say the least. Henry Wellington could not find words to say to her that he didn't think would upset her. He obviously could not ask her how her voyage was. He knew the close bond she had with her maid must have been sealed on the tragic voyage they shared together. He could not ask her of the high society people she had been acquainted with on the ship, as a number of them had perished on the journey. So he settled with sipping his coffee, peering at her over the rim of his cup.

Olivia could feel his eyes on her but she ignored it. The one good thing about almost dying was that she no longer put much stock into what people thought of her.

So they sat in an awkward silence until their dinner plates had been cleared away.

Olivia cleared her throat awkwardly, "Thank you for the wonderful lunch."

Henry smiled at her handsomely, "Thank you for joining me. Especially so soon after...," he trailed off awkwardly.

She could hardly tell him that she had no choice in the matter, that she'd been coaxed, or rather forced, into it by her mother. Not when he looked at her with his deep brown eyes so full of life. It was a painful reminder that her own green orbs did not hold that same light anymore.

"It was my pleasure," she smiled softly at him.

He grinned at her and stood from the table, stepping over to pull out her seat for her. She stood and hooked her arm through his outstretched elbow.

He walked her home in silence. When they reached her stoop, she turned to face him. She didn't know what to say, only that she had to say something to make the date less horrible. He beat her to it, however.

"I really enjoyed your company today. I understand that you are not yourself at the moment and might not ever be, but if you'll still have me I will be the best husband I can be for you," he said, all in one breath.

If only he knew, she thought sadly, as she looked upon his nervous face.

"Until we meet again," she smiled, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek. It was extremely forward of her, but she felt it was the least she could do after he'd been so kind.

Without another word, she turned and walked into the town house.

"He is very kind. I should be grateful," Olivia sighed, lounging on her sofa.

"But you're not happy with this arrangement," Holly concluded.

"How can I be?" Olivia cried dramatically.

Holly busied herself with tidying up.

"I know I'm being a pest," Olivia said, "but it's really just not fair. And not at all the way had I pictured it."

"How do you mean?" Holly asked, looking up from what she was doing.

"I never thought you would be the one that was happier. It's selfish, I know, but I never pictured you being the one to get what they wanted and me being unhappy."

Holly said nothing, only stared at her hands. After a quiet moment, she spoke up.

"What are you going to do?" She asked finally.

"I don't know," Olivia sighed, "I suppose I might as well go through with the wedding. There's no need not too. I don't love Henry, but he is a very kind man. I cannot imagine that I'll be too terribly unhappy with my life."

Holly nodded, sitting down at the vanity chair and playing with her hands.

"It gets easier, you know."

Olivia looked up in confusion, for Holly had spoken so softly that she might have imagined the small girl said anything at all.

"That empty feeling you get," Holly continued, "It never fully goes away, but it fades to the point where you don't notice it as much. After a while, you don't really think about it anymore. But some moments, it comes back in overwhelming waves where you're sure it never went away at all. But as time goes by, those moments are more and more rare."

It took a moment for Olivia to realize that Holly was speaking from personal experience. Her young maid had never really opened up to her about her parents.

"Do you promise?" Olivia asked meekly.

Holly gave a rare smile, "Promise."