Warning

I sat in my car outside the Consol for probably a good twenty minutes before finally shutting off the ignition and heading in. I was nervous about everything; about seeing Sidney, about speaking in front of the press, about meeting the coaches and the general manager. It was overwhelming. I fixed my lipstick about six times in the rearview mirror and talked myself out of a breakdown roughly twice. But when I saw the parking lot begin to fill with other cars, I knew it was time to get out and slip inside the building before anyone tried to ask me anything.

I looked professional. Kat helped me pick out an outfit after our last surgery and she was certain that I would be taken seriously wearing it. It was simple, a black pencil skirt and a white long sleeve button down with black high-heeled pumps. My hair was softly curled and cascaded down my left shoulder, but no amount of primping could fully disguise the exhaustion on my face. But I didn’t care about being attractive. I was a 24-year-old surgical resident, others in my program are two or three years ahead of me—I just needed to be taken seriously.

The sound of my heels clicking down the long hallway to the pressroom was eerie, I felt like I was the only one here. The hallway was dimly lit with fluorescent lights and I found myself wondering if I was in the wrong location. But sure enough, I heard a myriad of voices resonating in the hall and an open door where journalists were already beginning to take their seats. On a stage at the front of the room was a long table with four chairs and a media background behind it. Sidney was standing on the stage speaking to his coach, who was off on the side of the stage leaning against the wall. Levin was checking his blackberry, having already sat down and the general manager was doing the same. I felt several eyes turn to me as I walked forward, but my eyes locked with Sid as he turned his attention from Dan to me.

He looked good, wearing a dark gray suit and a lavender button down and deep plum colored tie. I couldn’t help but smile a little as I neared the stage and he extended a hand to help me up.

“Are you ready for this?” He asked with a grin and I shook my head.

“Not really, but. I guess I have to be.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ll be asking Ray or me most of the questions.” He said reassuringly and I nodded. He pulled out the chair for me next to himself towards the center of the table.

“Ray, this is Dr. Violet Anderson, the surgical consult.” Sidney introduced to me and I extended my arm to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Anderson.” He said before turning his attention to a journalist who came up to ask him a question about when the conference will begin. Dan came over on the stage and I turned around to greet him.

“Hey Violet, nice to see you again. You nervous?” he asked and I smiled.

“Very.” I answered back and he laughed, giving me a pat on the back.

“You’ll do fine, they’re not intimidating guys. They just want a few good quotes to put in their articles so give them definite statements.” Dan advised, noting that Levin put his blackberry away and Shero began to pull the microphone toward him. “I think they’re about to start, but it was good seeing you. Tell Lucy my trees are doing great after she solved the problem. “ he said and smiled warmly at me, moving off of the stage. I nodded and turned back to the rows of chairs, all of which were now filled. Large cameras that had been dormant were now flashing lights and additional bright lights were turned on around the stage. I felt my heart race and my breathing get shaky as I noticed all the journalists with recorders and notebooks, all fixated on the stage. Sid must have taken notice because he took my hand that had been resting on top of my skirt and gave it a gentle squeeze away from the eyes of the press. I looked over at him and he gave me a reassuring nod and I exhaled sharply, ready to begin.

And it was as if Ray Shero had anticipated my acceptance of the situation, because as soon as I looked back out into the crowd, he pulled his microphone closer to him and began speaking.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, we are going to begin the press conference now. If you could hold your questions until after the statements, that would be appreciated. Thank you.” He said before looking down at his notes. “As you are all aware, Sidney Crosby was hit by David Steckel on January 1st, a preliminary baseline test however revealed no concussion. A secondary hit in the following game in Tampa had worsened the symptoms and a second baseline test showed that he had in fact obtained a concussion, whether it was from the original hit or the following hit was unclear. The basic tests were performed by Dr. Levin of the team medical staff. As symptoms worsened and did not resolve, surgical consultation was sought and more in-depth testing was performed by Dr. Anderson of Allgheny General hospital. An MRI and other tests indicated the concussion was more severe than originally thought. Sidney has been symptom free for over two weeks now and has been cleared by Dr. Levin for off-ice workouts of light to moderate intensity and on-ice workouts of light intensity. While he has not had any symptoms, Sidney did not receive the medical clearance to return to game atmosphere or increase exertion on-ice.” Ray stopped speaking and turned his head to look at Sidney, Levin, and myself. “Do any of you have any statements?” he asked and we all shook our heads no. He smiled a little and turned his attention to the press. “Alright, I suppose we can take questions now.” Almost every single hand shot up. Ray pointed to one journalist and he stood up.

“This question is for Sidney. Was there something preventing you from being cleared to potentially participate in the playoffs and increase your exertion on ice?” he asked and sat down. Sid pulled the microphone closer to him.

“There were a few reasons for not being cleared to play in the playoffs potentially or heighten the intensity of my skates. I honestly don’t feel like I can exert myself fully on the ice, things aren’t the same as they were before the hit and I don’t want to get back there until I’m 100 percent. I mean, I’m not a doctor. I can’t tell you the specifics of anything, I can only explain how I feel when I’m on the ice and when I’m doing my off-ice workouts and it’s not the same. I don’t feel there.” He answered calmly and I was just glad the question wasn’t for me. One down. But then Levin took his microphone and I frowned.

“I cleared Sidney because medically, all his tests came back fine. His baseline was negative, his reaction times were fine. They were not at his peak levels, but that won’t be better until he gets back into

The journalist stood up again. “I thought he wasn’t medically cleared though?” he asked, clearly confused at the contradicting statements.

“You need a clearance from the physician as well as a surgical clearance.” Levin answered back and suddenly every pair of eyes were on me.

“Dr. Anderson?” I heard the journalist ask and I pulled the microphone closer, my heart beginning to beat wildly again.

“A surgical clearance is required because we perform more in-depth testing using MRI’s to get a scan of the brain as well as about twenty other check points not included in a physicians test. We check the tests against previous records to try to find a point of performance normalcy. Mr. Crosby’s ocular response times were far lower than that point and his scans showed minor bruising on the brain. Taking in account the fact that hockey is extremely physical and the chances of him getting hit again, subsequently worsening the injuries, is very high. With that in mind, I did not clear him.”

The press coordinator pointed to another journalist and he stood.

“This is for Dr. Anderson. Aren’t you a surgical resident? What happened to Dr. Hansan?” he asked, checking his notes. “He was the attending surgeon on the initial exam, correct?”

I nodded calmly. “Dr. Hansan primarily deals with neurological trauma and other surgical cases. Mr. Crosby’s case is not surgical, but we perform the extensive tests. Since Dr. Hansan is usually in surgery, he assigned the case to myself since I already knew Sidney.”

“That’s right, you two were romantically involved. Shouldn’t you being the primary physician been disallowed based on that principle?” the journalist asked and I was slightly taken aback.

“It’s not a conflict of interest, we’re just friends. And since Sidney’s case wasn’t surgical, I was allowed to perform the tests and run the labs. It was all very simple, there’s nothing complicated that required an attending surgeon and when dealing with high profile patients.” I tried to reply smoothly, but my voice sounded defensive.

“Why wasn’t Sidney’s case surgical? Aren’t there several smaller procedures that could be performed to fix some of the common symptoms?” another journalist stood up and asked, having what looked like extensive notes in her hand.

“Because even small procedures are huge when it comes to neurosurgery. Every procedure is major and there wasn’t enough evidence to support that Mr. Crosby needed the surgery and couldn’t get better through the natural healing process.” I answered back easily.

“But he hasn’t gotten better, so why keep denying him that option?” she asked and I frowned.

“Nobody has requested any surgery and no interest was shown. He has progressed. And as I’ve mentioned earlier, he’s a high profile patient and an athlete. We weren’t exactly thrilled to think about performing major surgery that has the chance to do more harm than good. Simple complications arise in surgery” I said.

“Why were tests performed if surgery wasn’t an option? Especially when the tests are detrimental to the healing process?” another journalist asked and I began to feel myself get overwhelmed. “Would he have gotten better by now were it not for the initial testing?”

“Well—I—the tests are required and recommended because hits like that can cause extensive brain damage. We see intercranial bleeding all the time in the trauma room. “

“Dr. Anderson, did you feel like your relationship with Sid made you reckless in your diagnosis?” another journalist said, standing up.

“Excuse me?” they were the only words that could come out of my mouth, I didn’t even bother looking at Sid but I saw him turn the microphone off and lean over to Ray, who did the same.

“This is a goddamn witch hunt” he said and I tried to desperately regain composure.

“You two are no longer together and his condition isn’t improving enough and needless tests were ordered by you. I mean, it’s a logical question.” The journalist said, her voice snappy.

“They weren’t needless tests—“ I tried to defend myself. I never once had my judgment as a surgeon questioned and now someone, who wasn’t even a doctor, was suddenly accusing me of malpractice.

“That’s ridiculous.” Sidney said as he flicked his microphone back on. “That’s not even—“ he laughed, but it was forced and I could tell he was angry. “—Dr. Anderson is extremely capable and those tests showed that my brain still had bruising. I’m not a doctor so I can’t tell you what that means, but I seriously doubt that it’s anything good. Without her taking the extra steps, I would have gotten back into the game still injured. I don’t feel ready because I’m not, it’s as simple as that. And for the record, Ray and Dan have been extremely patient and until I feel like I’m 100 percent, I will not be returning. Regardless of whether or not Violet cleared me, I would have not been in the playoffs. And bringing up our personal lives was unnecessary and I won’t comment on that further.”

“Okay, that’s all for questions now. Thank you.” Ray said curtly, and we all shut our microphones off and walked off the stage into the backroom. I saw the Pens PR lady call the last journalist to her as I slinked off away from everyone. When we were away from the reporters, Sid grabbed my arm gently and looked up at him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize Levin would call you out like that and I didn’t think—“ he began and I shook my head.

“No, it’s no one’s fault but my own. “ I replied with a light shrug. “I shouldn’t have taken your case to begin with.” I said as Ray walked over.

“I am so sorry, that was ridiculous to say the least.” He said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s fine, just took me a by surprise a little.” I said with a short laugh and looked over at Sidney “I have to get back to the hospital though. I guess I’ll see you later and I’ll call with your blood work results, make sure that nothing else is wrong with you.” I said with a wave, walking out of the room and back into my car.

Could’ve been worse.