Warning

I couldn’t think about them now, but I heard them calling my name. I couldn’t mix emotions with medicine because it never ended well and if there was one time that I needed to be robotic and unattached, it was now.

I rolled the baby into the pit and Mark tried to get them into the ICU waiting room, but they refused.

“We were at Mario’s for Christmas and there was a bookshelf and she pulled it and it fell—“ I could hear Pascal’s panicked voice in the background and I acknowledged the details but tried my hardest to pretend that they weren’t here, that it was just another patient.

“Someone page Pierce and page Savard and Hansan again.” I screamed over the bustle of the ER to the nurse, ignoring everyone. More people started crowding around the table and I saw that Mario, Marc, Lucy, Matt Cooke and other people had come in. I pressed my stethoscope to the baby’s chest.

“Let’s get her on a monitor people, and where are the x-rays for the trauma series? There’s bruising and swelling on the upper limbs, abdomen is rigid.” I said, pressing my hands against her stomach and arms.

“What does that mean, Violet, tell me—what does this mean?” I heard Pascal again but I looked over to a nurse, seeing Hansan and Savard come in, with Pierce right behind them.

“Get them out of here.” I yelled, my voice hard as I grabbed another mig of morphine and started a central line.

“I hear decreased breath sounds on the right sound.” I yelled to Savard as he came in, Hansan shining a light in the eyes of the baby as it continued to scream.

“Pupils normal, responding. All four limbs responding to touch. No neurological damage.” Hansan said steadily, looking at me as I packed the open wound on the childs abdomen.
“I’m going to need a CT and ultrasound, a full trama workup.” I said, my voice still at a steady yell. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t able to keep my voice and my emotions in line at Sidney’s house and now that a friends baby was laying on a table being pumped with drugs and gauze, broken and bruised, I was as levelheaded as ever.

“What is happening?” I hear the parents ask again and I turn to Mark.

“Get them out of here, now.” I say as Pierce comes near me.

“Get the CT and then page me right away. “ She says and I roll him to the CT lab with the rest of the trauma team, not bothering to look back. It would have been too hard to see him again and I needed to be a doctor. I needed to save a life.

It took twenty minutes for the scans to be ready and I walked into the x-ray room with Lauder and Novikova, throwing the images up on the lightboard to see. My hands fell on my hips as I took a step back to observe the films.

“Is that—where’s her heart?” Mark asked and I just stared at the board.

“You can’t see it.” I said, swallowing. “Her stomach is in her chest. It’s a visceral herniation with possible collar signs.”

Novikova nodded, taking a look at another film. “Which indicates what?”

“A diaphragmatic hernia.” I answered back slowly, putting my hand to my head. “It’s a ruptured diaphragm.” I looked back at the screen and pointed to the mess of shadows in the skeleton. “Is that her thoracic aorta? It’s….is her colon in her chest cavity? Wouldn’t that mean that—“ Novikova nodded.

“There’s fluid and because the colon is ruptured as well, there’s a risk for fecal contamination. It can infect the aortic repair.” She said.

“I’ll page Savard and book an OR.” I said and Novikova nodded.

“You both scrub in, I have another surgery—make sure to keep the parents updated, every hour at least.” She replied and walked out of the room. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the films. Here she was, almost completely brand new and already broken.

“I can give the updates if you want. “ Mark said, his voice a notch softer than it normally was. But I shook my head.

“No, they know me. They’ll be expecting me and it’ll be better than a stranger.” I said and he gave me a pat on the back before walking away. I grabbed Lola’a chart and made my way into the ICU waiting room, where they all looked up at me. They had increased, there were more people now. More players all there to show their support for their colleague. I knew them all, maybe not all at a personal level but I’ve met them all. I had to remain unattached and distant.

Pascal and his wife both stood up as they saw me and I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

“Do you want to go into a sepera—“ I began, and they quickly shook their head no.

“Just tell us what’s happening, Violet.” Pascal asked and I nodded slowly.

“Your daughter suffered severe trauma to the abdomen and chest. Her stomach is in her chest cavity and her colon ruptured. Her thoracic aorta is also injured and our biggest concern right now is repairing the aorta, which is hard because of the ruptured colon. We run the risk of infecting the repair because of fecal contamination. “ I explain smoothly, my voice calm and exact. They look at me like I explained this in Chinese.

“So what does this mean, exactly?” she asks me and I try to find a way to simplify it. I felt Sidney’s gaze and I saw Lucy shifting in her seat, wanting to come up to me and be my friend. But she knew that she couldn’t, not now. Not when I needed to be a doctor, not Violet.

“It means that we have to repair a lot of things in surgery and that the risk is high.” I say, removing any sugar coating from my speech. Pascal’s wife sits down, her hand over her face.

“Can we see her?” Pascal asks and it hurts to deny him.

“I’m sorry, we have to take her to the operating room right away. I have to scrub in but I’ll keep you informed.” I said and took off, but I knew he was running up behind me. Sidney grabbed my arm and I turned around and pulled it back sharply.

“Not now, Sidney. I am not your ex-girlfriend right now.” I said, my voice hard. “I am the surgeon who is going to help save the life of your friends daughter. That is all I am.” I finished and walked away.

I am a surgeon, that is all I am.