You Lost Me

Jordan's POV

I let out a deep breath, when I stepped off the bus, pushing my sunglasses up. It was snowing here in Milwaukee, but it wasn't cold. The sun was shining brightly, reflecting into the snow.

Emile pushed pass me, running into the pile of snow and falling onto his knees, grabbing the snow in his small hands. He giggled loudly, throwing the white bits into the air. He opened his mouth wide and waited for them to fall into it, laughing in process.

Living in Los Angeles had it's flaws. Emile has never seen snow until the time I started taking him to the tours. Now, when we were on the road and preforming in the Northern America this time of year, Emile always get super excited. He plays outside 'till the dark, enjoying the snow.

"Mommy, look!" Emile shouted, getting my attention. "I made a snow angel!" he ran up to me, pointing to it.

"It's wonderful, baby." I smiled down to him, zipping up his jacket fully and fixing his winter hat.

"Mom!" he whined out, backing away. I rolled my eyes, but he couldn't see it.

Emile ran up to Dylan and whispered something in his ear. I pretended to not see it and turned away, only to see Vinc arguing with Devin. Probably about some little scratch on the drums. Devin was very sensitive, when it came to his drum kit.

I felt something collide with the middle of my back hard. I spun around and raised my sunglasses to playfully glare at Dylan, who immediately pointed to Emile.

"Traitor!" Emile hit Dylan's arm, pouting. In a matter of couple seconds, I saw another snowball flying at me. I managed to duck just in time. Emile smiled innocently, holding one more snowball.

"Oh, now you're in a big trouble, mister!" I yelled out, making a ball myself and throwing it pass my son. I didn't want to hurt him, so I kept on missing on purpose. Dylan joined in, too, throwing the snow at my legs.

The area of our fight kept on getting smaller and smaller, when finally Emile, me and Dylan only threw snow not the balls of it. I grabbed my son by his waist, spinning him around as he squealed.

I stopped soon after, putting him on the ground and steadying him. I smiled widely at Emile, as I helped him to clean up. Matt walked right pass us and our eyes locked for a brief moment.

He narrowed them at me and then at Emile, putting on his aviators afterwards and heading straight to the venue. My smile instantly vanished of my face. I loathed him. I wanted him to drop off of the face of the Earth, but that was impossible. I needed to ignore him. Simply ignore.

I didn't want Emile to see us fighting or worse - to get involved in this. He was only a little boy. He had to enjoy his childhood as much as he could. And I was determined of making it as happy as I could.

I knew, that the constant touring wasn't good for him. He wasn't playing with the kids same age as him, he wasn't going to the kindergarten. But leaving him at my grandmothers' for a half a year, wasn't a solution either.

"Hey, Jo," Vinc waved at me, to get my attention. "Are you coming or what?" he asked and I looked around to see everyone already walking to the venue.

"Yeah, just gimme a minute." I smiled and he nodded walking away.

I took out my pack of cigarettes and lit up one. I had to have a smoke, before I entered the 'tension zone'. I dragged in, feeling the familiar relaxation take over my body.

"Oh my Gosh!" someone whispered rather loudly. Soon, couple of teenage girls walked up to me, smiling from ear to ear.

"Hi." I greeted them smiling, too, as I exhaled the smoke into the chill air.

"C-can we take a picture with you?" the younger one asked sheepishly.

"Sure." I grinned at her, dropping my cigarette on the ground. The girl handed the camera for her friend and stood next to me. I put my arm around her shoulders and smiled into the camera. Her friend snapped a picture and girls changed places.

"Thanks so much!" both of them squealed excited and walked away. I waved back to them and made my way into the venue. I flashed my backstage pass to the guard and entered the building.

"Here you are, Jo!" Vinc ran up to me. "Take off the jacket, the rehearsal is in twenty minutes." he patted my shoulder, pointing to the changing room. I nodded in response and walked up to the door, which red 'Evidence' on them. Hearing the chatter behind it, I took a deep breath and turned the knob, pushing the door open.



We had half an hour, before we went on the stage to do our thing. Eric and Landon were doing the vocal warm-ups, Devin was up in his own little world, twirling his drumsticks, while me and Dylan were just casually sitting on the couch, looking at Emile drawing stuff.

Suddenly, Matt's loud vocals boomed through the backstage, making Emile burst out laughing at his raspy voice. I couldn't help, but to start chuckling myself at how terrible he sounded.

The guys stopped doing whatever they were doing and stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to react.

"God fucking dammit!" Krystin barged into the room, covering her ears. Soon, she stopped dead in her tracks, realizing what she have said. "I-I mean, freaking! " she said, giving me the apologetical look, as Emile laughed at the cuss.

"Jesus Christ, every time." Chloe followed Krystin inside, rubbing her temples, which made Emile crack up one more time. Jenna walked in too, shaking her head and plopping onto the couch next to me, exhaling loudly.

"That's what you get, when you come on tour." a short girl, that I have never seen, entered the last one, closing the door behind her. She had a silky black hair and green eyes, and a very obvious Australian accent.

"Oh, hi." she smiled at me and the rest of the guys, winking at Emile. "I'm Nina. Nina Arons." she sat next to Jenna, putting down her purse. "Johnny's girlfriend."

"How come we didn't see you earlier?" Landon asked, strumming on his guitar.

"Well, I had some business to do, so I couldn't join from the start." she shrugged and focused her attention on Emile's drawing. No one talked for couple of minutes, trying to block out Matt's vocal warm-ups.

When he finally stopped, the girls exhaled at the same time, standing up and going to their boyfriends. Vinc entered soon after, announcing that we had ten minutes 'till the show. I saw Emile let out a yawn, so I helped him climb on the couch and put the blanked on, tucking him in.

"Take a nap, honey." I kissed his forehead, stroking his hair. He nodded in response and closed his eyes, immediately falling asleep. I lazily stood up and took my guitar, putting it on. The guys stood up too, quietly exiting the room, me following close. I shut the door silently and turned around, bumping into someone.

"Sorry." I said and then looked up, to see his face, aviators covering his eyes, like always.

"You should watch where are you going." he snapped coldly, walking pass me again. I wanted to split his head in two so badly. He had no right to be mad with me. Or with Emile. Especially with Emile.

"Hey, you okay?" Dylan popped out of nowhere, holding his bass and glaring at Matt's back.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, turning away from Matt's figure. "Let's go." I grabbed Dylan's hand, dragging him next to the stage.

"You know, you just need to ask and I'll beat the fucking fuck outta him." he said, half-smiling as we both stood in front of the stairs to the stage.

"I know." I smiled up to him, rolling my eyes.

"Good." he smirked, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned my head onto his shoulder, closing my eyes.

Dylan was always there for me. He helped me when I was left heartbroken, he helped me during my pregnancy, but most importantly, he helped me to raise Emile. My own parents turned their backs on me, when I needed my family the most. But not Dylan. You could say, he's like father to Emile. He's always there for both of us.

"Okay, thirty seconds, ladies!" Vinc yelled, making me snap my eyes open. I backed away from Dylan, making a space between us. He winked at me and then fixed his gaze into the distance.

The crowd lights went off and the kids started to scream like crazy. Vinc made a hand motion and me and Dylan ran up the stairs into the dark stage, taking our places. All of us started to play exactly the same time as the light went on again.

"How the fuck are you doing, Wisconsin!" Eric yelled into the mic, making the crowd scream louder.

"Let's get crazy, tonight, yeah?" he pointed to the crowd, as the kids started to jump.

All of the time, I felt a pair of eyes following my every move.