Trapped

Is it bad that I wish the butcher’s knife in front of me would stab my heart and kill me?

It’s such a childish thought, but at the moment, it was true.

TJ was in the living room with a few of his buddies, drinking and messing around. I, of course, was forced to go in the kitchen to make all of them sandwiches. Stupid guys and their inability to do things for themselves! Nope, they would rather be habitual drinkers and sit on their butts all day.

Drinking. God, I hated when TJ drank alcohol. TJ was bad enough by himself, but when his friends were over, he was a million times worse. None of his friends were normal. No, all of them were just like him. They all shared a delight for torture, abuse, and everything that made others feel bad. It was cruel and disgusting.

TJ’s friends thought it was funny when he criticized me, called me names, hit me, pushed me, beat me. . . His friends cared nothing about me or their own girlfriends for that matter. In fact, they did the same things to their girlfriends that TJ did to me.

It was all a game to them; the pain, the tears, the bruises, the handprints and fingerprints, the marks, the fear, the agony; even the tiny gleam of faith. It did nothing but delight the six of them. They were vicious animals that fed off of the fear and weakness.

The guys before me were what my parents would have called lowlife scum. My dad used to say, “There is never an excuse for hitting your loved ones.” He also used to tell me that a person should never cheat.

I know for a fact that TJ cheats on me. I can always smell the perfume and see the lipstick on his collar. Even when I don’t notice right away, he makes it a point to show me, so he can prove he doesn’t love me. He has to make sure I know that he could easily toss me aside at any given moment. He only keeps me around because he feels sorry for me.

I handed the guys their sandwiches and quickly scampered off before I got in trouble for being “nosy.” Lord knows he’d still find some excuse to hit me; he always does.

I went upstairs to the guest bedroom, my only safe haven in the place, and laid down on the bed, thinking about how drastically my life had changed.

Eight years ago, I was a happy-go-lucky seventeen year old cheering my older brother and his friends on as they played small gigs at local venues. I admired my brother so much back then.

Three years later, when I was twenty, that admiration stopped. My brother and the guys in his band had made it big. Shortly after being on the road, the calls from my brother stopped altogether. It was then that I realized my brother didn’t care about me anymore, if ever.

Two years after that, I was still upset about the situation with my brother. I don’t think a sister ever gets over that sort of thing. Anyway, I let a co-worker take me to a bar one night, where I met TJ. The rest is history from then on.

The only feelings I have left for my older brother and his friends involve hatred and a few rather homicidal thoughts. Oh yeah, I just wanted to rip each one apart. I wouldn’t, though, because of my lack of guts.

The truth is. . . I just wanted them to feel the way I did—and still do—when they pretty much abandoned me. I was pushed aside—shoved, really—to the back of their minds, and the feeling of knowing that is like a painful sting that continues to linger. I wasn’t good enough to be remembered. After all, I was only the little sister that thought my brother hung the moon. . . Yeah, well, screw them too!

I slid under the sheets and eventually asleep to memories of the past.

There I was, standing in the doorway of my home and staring up at the giant bus before me. My brother and his friends were leaving again. Only this time they were leaving in an extravagant bus and bringing their girlfriends along. I was being left behind because I needed to finish my last year of school.

“Be good, K,”I looked away from the extravagant bus to see my brother standing to my right, peering down at me. His hazel eyes, not so different from my own, held that familiar spark of concern in them that I was so used to seeing. “I worry about you when I’m gone.”

“I’ll be fine.” I replied. “Mattie and Brent are here to protect me.”

“I love you so much, Kymberlin.” He breathed, pulling me into his arms for an almost gut-wrenching embrace.

Still in the embrace, I smiled up at him. “I love you too, Matthew.”

He flashed me a smile with dimples and all before he walked over to our sister to say farewell.

“Hey kid,” I grinned up at the brunette next to me, adoring the way his mouth slowly began to form that seductive grin I loved so much. Before I could even blink, I was in his warm embrace, listening to his heartbeat tie in with mine. My heart rate sped up as he pulled me even closer to his body.

“I’m going to miss you,” I whispered with my head on his chest.

When we pulled apart, he placed a kiss to my cheek and another to my forehead before he moved away to say goodbye to someone else.

“Hey Kymmie,” I smiled at the green-eyed cutie before me.

“Hey Zacky,” His smile was bright and friendly with gleaming snakebites on his bottom lip to match the ring through his septum. The guy was one of my best friends, and I was definitely going to miss him. With a long, firm hug from the chubby guitarist, I was watching him walk away to finish his goodbyes.

“Hey, Bite-size!” I had to look up to see the eyes of the crazy man towering over me. He was wearing a goofy, lopsided grin that I couldn’t help but think was adorable. He wrapped me in his arms and started rocking me from side to side as he told me about how he’d miss me. “Be good, Bite-size.”

“I will, Beanpole.” The two of us shared a laugh at our nicknames for each other before he moved on and I was faced with Justin. Not really that close to him, I gave him a quick hug that barely lasted two seconds.

I continued with the remaining farewells to Val, Stephanie, Ashley, Emily, and the Berry twins. I gave each of them tight embraces before it was time for them to go.

My mom was curled into my dad’s side as we watched the bus leave. Mrs. & Mr. Haner weren’t too far away with McKenna in Suzy’s arms and Brent next to them. The Bakers were here too, with Zina and Mattie. Matt and JB’s parents were also here with their youngest child, Liv, who was 18. Even Johnny Seward was here with his parents to say goodbye.

My older sister Amy walked over to our parents to give them hugs before she did the same to me. She had a tournament in LA to get to.

Mattie, Brent, Liv, and Johnny walked over as our parents all went inside to talk.

“Come on, Kymmie,” Mattie voiced, his hands shoved in his pockets and the toe of his right converse scuffing the ground. He was in desperate need of a haircut as his hair was past his shoulders. I couldn’t help but smile when his golden eyes met mine. His eyes weren’t a bluish-green like his brother’s, but they were still a gorgeous golden color that could melt your heart.

I didn’t say or do anything but smile faintly at my friends before. I wanted to be happy for my brother and his friends, and I was, but the selfish part of me just wanted my brother back. I knew from that moment on that things were going to change in my life . . . and they did.