Trapped

When I finally decided to wake up, I heard the sounds of people messing around below. Voices I once knew floated to my ears, chilling me to the bone. It felt wrong to be upstairs, trying to avoid being seen while everyone else remained clueless to my where-bouts. I was torn between staying up here, and marching downstairs to launch myself at my old friends. Though, I was still upset with them for leaving and not keeping in touch like they promised, I knew I could never stay mad at them forever. I loved the guys with every fiber in my body, even after years of no contact.

Matt was once my hero; a big, intimidating teddy bear that I adored. He watched me like a hawk whenever I was around, more like a personal bodyguard than an overprotective brother. He used to give me everything I wanted, and because of that, I have to admit; I was somewhat of a spoiled brat growing up. The only thing I wasn’t allowed to have—though I fought him on it—was a boyfriend. If I wanted one, he had to be approved of by Matt, and then, I couldn’t prevent my brother from kicking said guy’s ass if he hurt me. Matt was notorious for his bad temper, but I was what Jimmy and Brian called his “mini-me.” My temper could flare, but that was so long ago that I doubt I still have that quality.

Matt was one of the few that I looked up to, but I stopped years ago, when I no longer heard from him. It was that fact alone that made me lose hope in ever escaping from TJ. Looking back on it now, I understand my brother was only trying to have a life of his own. As for the others, I was only their band member’s baby sister; I didn’t matter much.

I realize now how naïve I was when it came to Brian Haner Jr., all those years ago. I thought he hung the moon; that’s how crazy I was about him. He had all the right words to say to make me weak in the knees. His smile, thin lips and all, gave me butterflies nearly every time I saw it. His smirk drove me wild and his touch—well; he almost always left me wanting more. I couldn’t get enough of him, ever.

We always flirted with each other, but it never went much further than that; until the night before he left for tour, eight years ago. We allowed ourselves to get lost in the heat of the moment, and to this very day, I don’t regret it. I thought I loved him then, so it wasn’t completely wrong, but we still had to hide it from people. We didn’t want it getting back to Matt, who wouldn’t think twice about punching Brian over me. He would never allow Brian and I to get in a relationship, so we were forced to flirt behind my brother’s back, or when he wasn’t around.

I miss my best friend, too. Zachary James Baker was always my chubby teddy bear with pretty green eyes. I adored his gentle and sweet demeanor. He hardly ever allowed his temper to get the best of him, like my brother and I did, but when he did; he had a temper to rival the best of them. Zacky’s lisp, that he only sometimes acquired, managed to always put a smile on my face when I heard it. I probably missed him and Jimmy the most of all out of the guys. Zack had a tendency to get hyper, and when he did, he came up with crazy ideas that usually got the both of us in trouble. Jimmy also joined in on the mischief most of the time. Sometimes, I found myself thinking of Zacky in more than just a friendly way. It was his smile, his eyes, his silliness, and his all-around good guy behavior that always got me to feel that way. It was his insecurity that I hated about him; I thought he was great the way he was, but sadly, he thought differently; due to horrible people from his past, he became Mr. Vengeance on stage.

Jimmy always knew how to have a great time. He never failed to make someone feel special. Jimmy was wild, crazy, and amazing all in one package, and I loved that about him. Jimmy, unlike Zacky, was mischievous all the time. He knew how to prank people like a pro. He also almost always knew how to make you feel better, even when you’re at your lowest. Jimmy could always make me laugh—hell, he could make anyone laugh. He could be intimidating, though, when he wanted information out of you, or he was mad. Jimmy was not one to resort to violence, but he did have a violent range of colorful language when he was upset. He was my sidekick—a mischievous friend I never got tired of. I missed his upbeat attitude and always smiling face. He was a ray of sunshine that I longed to see in my world of darkness.

Johnny and I grew up together; he was in the same grade as me, and his older brother was friends with Matt, Brian Jimmy, and Zacky. He was this boy that made people laugh, but all he wanted was to find a group he belonged in. He mainly looked up to my brother and them, wanting their approval so bad he could taste it. Even though the guys dogged on him all the time, Johnny loved being around them. I hated it, though. I thought Johnny was a good guy and he didn’t deserve to be picked on, but thinking about it now, he made it so easy. Johnny knew how to take a joke, but he could give as well as he got in most situations. He could laugh at himself even, but when it wasn’t a joking manner, he had a temper on him.

Brent Haner and I met in fourth grade when he accidentally knocked my tray out of my hands at lunch. He was terrified that I would send my brother after him because, despite my brother being a few years older, everyone was scared of him. Once I assured him that I wouldn’t send Matt to kill him, we started talking, thus resulting in a long term friendship. Brent was down to earth and funny. He knew how to handle my mood swings, and I knew how to handle most of his problems. He became my protector when Matt wasn’t around to do it. He held me when I cried, comforted me when I was upset, and calmed me down when I was angry. Brent was my best friend. When TJ forced me to stop contacting my friends, Brent was absolutely livid. He wanted to throttle TJ, but I made him promise not to. I didn’t want Brent to get hurt on my account. I just wanted him to leave it alone.

Olivia Berry, mainly referred to as Liv (for a reason), was my best friend of the female persuasion. She was the Berry twins’ younger sister, and she was a force to be reckoned with. She didn’t take crap from anyone and that includes family and friends. Liv didn’t care who it was, she’d kick anybody’s ass. She, too, wanted to kick TJ’s ass when he started being controlling. I miss her ability to be brutally honest at the best of times. She spoke her mind all the time, no matter who was around to get offended.

I adored Mattie Baker as much as I did Zacky Baker, but in a different way. Mattie was quiet, kind of shy, and he hardly looked anything like his older brother. While there was a slight bit of resemblance between the two, Mattie had golden eyes and golden brown hair that usually reached past his shoulders. His golden orbs could melt your heart in seconds with only a glance. He was adorable and oh so sweet. He was somewhat of a dork, but I loved that about him. As we got older, his shyness dwindled down, and last I heard, he was even in a band.

Mattie wanted to do just what his brother was doing for a living; he wanted to be in a band. People used to say he’d never make it like Zacky did—that it was a slim to none chance he’d ever succeed—but I always encouraged him because I believed he could do it. Mattie was multi-talented; he could do anything he wanted to do.

Just thinking about all my friends gave me a strong feeling of nostalgia. I missed them, but what I missed more was how things used to be. How life before I met TJ Braun, back when I was alive and free. I would be that way again, even if it took a whole decade to do it.

Getting up, I decided to take a shower—a badly needed shower, at that. The bathroom was across the hall, but I thought nothing of it as I remembered my mom’s promise to keep the upstairs area clear of people. I gathered up some of my old clothes—a pair of shorts and an old HB Oilers tee—that my mom still had lying around. Grabbing a towel from the linen closet, I shut the door and went into the bathroom.

The hot water felt great on my skin, turning it red where it wasn’t already black, blue, purple or yellow. I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin, trying to erase any remnants of TJ from my body. I took my time in the shower—shaving, cleansing, scrubbing, and washing—just enjoying not having to worry about getting in trouble for taking too long. I was slowly feeling better and starting to relax a bit. I felt clean and almost rid of TJ’s remnants.

I climbed out of the shower and started to dry off with a towel. I slipped on a clean pair of panties followed by a pair of shorts and a clean bra under a plain red V-neck. I ran a comb through my hair until it was tangle-free and in its natural wavy phase. I made sure all traces of makeup were gone from my face—hating the black and blue that became visible around my eye and on my right cheek—before I opened the bathroom door and left the room.

I was halfway to my bedroom when movement caught my eye. I froze in my spot, looking a lot like a deer caught in headlights I’m sure.

“I know you,” Looking up, the guy before me was super tall—6 feet at least. He towered over my 5’8 frame, easily. He was wearing skinny jeans and a short-sleeved Jack Daniels t-shirt with a pair of black and white converse. He was clean shaven with black eyeglasses and a labret piercing. Behind his eyeglasses, a pair of blue eyes stared back at me, reminding me of my past.

“No, no,” I insisted. “You don’t know me.”

I tried to scurry past him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him before I could get away.

He grabbed my chin in his other hand, turning my head to get a better look at me. “Kymmie, what happened to you?” He questioned, running his thumb over my bruised cheek.

Closing my eyes at the gesture, I let a sigh escape from my mouth as I shoved him away from me. "Don't call me that! Only my friends are allowed to give me nicknames, James."

"We were friends at one point, Kymberlin." He sighed, folding his arms across his chest. "Before you left,"

"Before I left . . .?" I hissed. "You mean before you and my brother left and stopped calling! I'm so sorry that I found a new life to move on to."

"It can't be too great of a life if you're covered in bruises."

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Sullivan.” I huffed, pushing past him to go to my room.

“I know that Brent and Liv were forced to tell us you didn’t want us visiting or calling you.” He stated, causing me to turn around to face him. “Why was that?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I sighed, walking into my room.

Jimmy stopped the door from shutting behind me with his foot. “Where’d you get the bruises, Kymber?” He questioned, sitting down at the end of my bed.

“It’s not a big deal, Jimmy.” I sighed, lying across my bed.

“Kymberlin, I haven’t seen you in forever.” He murmured, looking down at me. “Please talk to me. We used to be best friends.”

“Jimmy, I—I lost.”

“Lost what?”

“My self-respect, my confidence, my. . . Jimmy, I lost my ability to cry.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes, I was so embarrassed. “I thought I loved him, but he just loved to hurt me.”

I opened up to Jimmy, letting him see into my world, but only after he promised not to speak a word of it to anyone.