Sluts in Love

Before you start with all those dumb cracks-

"Look, it's Juliet and her Romeo!"

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? You're in Juliet's bed now, Romeo!"

shut the fuck up. My name is not fucking Romeo. Believe it or not, it's Paris. Paris Emilio D'Angelo and if you make any wise ass jokes about it I'll kill you in your sleep.

"So you know I'm going to have to fuck you, right?" our little fucking hero, Juliet, asks me.

"Don't start that shit, Carnegee. I know you're one hundred percent virgin."

She faked a gasp. "Don't let that get around, D'Angelo. I have a reputation to uphold."

Juliet was a liar. She's one of those no good liars who's so damn believable because she's a fucking psychopath. I'm about ninety eight percent sure she's a sociopath, but most serial killers are sociopaths so I'm trying to stay on her good side and not be her first victim.

She's not even that pretty in all actually. The whore is an awkward Italian/Venezuelan/Bahamian mix so she has tanned skin that only makes her blue eye stand out like ice while the green one looks somewhat normal. Her top lip is too full to match the bottom and her legs are spidery and gangly.

"Do you think it would hurt if you were to throw yourself from this window?" she asks. Juliet is full of that what-is-life-and-death shit. She asks these dumb questions and in return I have to be a smartass.

"If you try it you'll find out, won't you?"

"At my funeral-"

"I didn't know you planned on dying anytime soon."

"-I want them to play that Led Zeppelin record backwards. I want that priest guy or whoever to dress up in a Barney costume and hug young children. You'll make sure it gets done, right?"

She's so fucking weird. But I say, "Yeah, I'll make sure it gets done. Hell, I'll set the fucking church on fire and stick the box of matches in your dead hands if that's what you want."

"Get pictures of it too, okay?"

She's so fucking weird. I tell her this and she doesn't smile. She has this creepy thing where only a corner of her lips lift the slightest bit. I hate it so much. It irritates the fuck out of me.

"I'm not the one who killed my mother, D'Angelo."

I really fucking hate her.