Sluts in Love

I've realized that getting smashed by yourself if no fun at all. More than anything I want to smoke a bowl and listen to some dubstep with Laurence since I'm no longer his student and we can be friends but he's getting married in Hawaii or some place.

Why does everyone leave me?

I get my mail and throw it on the table. One pink envelope slides to the floor and I wonder who in their right mind would send me a fucking pink envelope. I groan and consider leaving it but pick it up anyway. The loopy handwriting makes me pause for a second. No word from that bitch for four months and she sends me a fucking letter? I guess she hasn't changed a bit. I open it and start to read:

Darling Paris,

Hi.

I do hate to leave you like this, but I assure you, 'tis for the best. Dylan will be in California for quite a while and he has asked me to go with him. It will all work out well, mind you. He thinks he's going to make it as a musician but between you and I, he's terrible! Hopefully, I can successfully elude him and branch off on my own.

California, as you know, is quite grand in size. There are probably a lot of my kind there-the "hippies," as you are fond of saying. I belong with the Earth and air and sea. I can find only two of these back home.

And what a story it will make! Two weeks shy of graduation and a drop out. Maybe people will think I'm pregnant or on drugs. If they ask, make up a story, would you? Tell them... the father of my child is a drug lord and he's crossed the wrong people, so we had to relocate immediately. Never mind, that was horrific. I'm sure you'll make up a marvelous tale. You always do, love.

Matters aside, I just wanted to apologize that your name just happened to appear beside mine one that bulletin board so long ago. I didn't write it- truly, I didn't. But I was so very glad it was you. What better way than to end the the school with a bang, huh?

I also just wanted to thank you for being such a nice friend to me. It's true, we had some differences, but I believe that's what kept us so compatible. Listen to me- talking like we're lovers! But sadly, that is not the case, and may never be. So thank you, again, and every lighter I've ever stolen from you will be reimbersed.

Before I go (because I'm currently in the airline terminal and we depart in ten minutes) I just wanted to clear something up. I know you're also fond of calling me names such as whore, etc., and while I always found them to be endearing, perhaps you should know the truth. I am not what you think I am. You were my first, and possibly only, and I do not regret it. But my method was quite naughty. You see, I only flirted with them all a lot. I told them some fake secrets of mine, and they told me real ones. After that it was almost too easy. I just threatened to spill them all if they didn't lie and say I slept with them. I guess that really does make me a slut. A reputation is the only thing a person may have, and I am darn proud to have mine the way it is. You have to understand how hard it was, though. I liked them all; I liked keeping their words close to my heart, like fireflies in a jar. And, I must admit, I did like the flirting a bit too much! Kitty Cat Pardee has very soft lips, did you know that? And Billy Rajoy's beard was very scratchy. It made my face red and itchy. Bleh.

I hope you don't think I'm a lesbian. I don't think I am either, but then again, I don't think I'm entirely straight. This is necessary for you to know because whatever you may think now, I do consider you my best friend and best friends know everything. Just keep that in mind, okay? I hope to hear from you, even if you are angry with me, which is totally understandable. I know you also think that I'm some cold blooded monster, but I do have feelings and I do miss you. I'll write to you whenever I get the chance, so do me a favor and don't move anytime soon, okay? It would appear that this is the longest time we've ever been apart. But you know what they say: distance makes the heart grow fonder. Hopefully, that'll prove true!

I will always remember you Paris, (as if I could forget a single day, ha!)

Give my warm regards to Shitler and never-ending love to you,

Juliet Elise Carnegee

oh, and p.s.
Below is the address we're currently staying at. I've also enclosed a plane ticket that's good for a whole year, so if you ever find it in your heart to forgive, you'll know where to find me. If I'm not at that address, ask around the neighborhood for the house with the pink shutters. I think you'll find me there.



Juliet,

You're some piece of work, you know that? What even makes you think that I WANT to even see you again? You've done nothing but make life more complicated than it needs to be and fuck people over.

You are, and always will be, the bitch that ruined innocent people's lives and stole from me.

And I love it.

But I still hate you.

So do me a damn favor and open the door. It's fucking dark out here.

She looks up from the post it note that was stuck on her door and smirks. The hastily scrawled words don't surprise her. She opens the door and for the first time in months, sees the one person that ever meant anything to her. He stands with his hands in his pockets and smirks as well.

"Your hair still looks like Shitler ate too many carrots and puked, I see."