I'll Never Be the Same

If there was one think I could admire about Darren, it would be his ability to follow through on a promise. It had been two weeks since the “experimental make-out session” and I could honestly say that it was definitely worth it. The only unfortunate part was that Darren was back to his usual self: flirting with all of the girls and trying to find someone willing to hook up with him. I tried not to pay attention to what he was doing, but unfortunately Becca liked to keep track of his every move and then tell me all about it when we were at lunch or when we are at one another’s houses for a sleep over.

“Can you believe Darren is actually trying to get with Heather?” she was saying as I tried to eat my lunch and ignore her. “She just doesn’t seem like the type he would go after.”

I snorted.

“He’ll go after anything that’s female,” I said. Becca laughed.

“Are you sure you’re okay with him going back to how he used to be?” she asked after a moment.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked in return. “If anything, I’m happy about it. He’s leaving me alone now.”

“Yeah,” she said. I could tell that she still believed that Darren and I had been together. She was just like everyone else and that depressed me a bit. You would think the fact that she was my best friend would keep her from believing everyone else over me.

Later in English I noticed for the first time that people kept glancing at us. One girl even looked like she felt pity. I still had to sit next to Darren in English because we couldn’t move our assigned seats. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I didn’t need people looking at me in pity over nothing. I wish I could just stand on top of my desk and scream at everyone that Darren and I had never dated. Then people might stop analyzing every aspect of my life without Darren.

---

Friday I went to Becca’s house to spend the night.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” I asked. “Movies? Marathon of some girly TV show?”

“Well, actually,” Becca started. “I just heard right before you got here, that that guy Ben is having a party tonight.”

“Oh,” I said. I forgot that Becca didn’t know about the whole Ben situation. “Well… I guess if that’s what you want to do.”

“If you don’t want to go that’s fine,” she said.

“No… It’s fine,” I said forcing a smile. “Let’s go.”

A few hours later we were standing in the kitchen of Ben’s house. I kept nervously looking around, nervous about running into Ben while Becca was busying herself with getting us some shots.

The fact that this was Ben’s house made things a bit more difficult. I had to keep an eye out for him as well as Darren while simultaneously making sure that Becca didn’t think there was anything wrong with me, which meant drinking everything she placed in my hand.

It didn’t take long until I was stumbling along next to her, holding each other up and laughing hysterically at nothing in particular. It didn’t take long after that until we were dancing to the loud music, relaxed and enjoying ourselves. A guy I vaguely recognized from one of my classes came up behind Becca, grabbing her hips and pulling her back against him. She grinned at me just as I felt the same thing being done to me. I grinned back at her and continued dancing.

The hands gripping my hips moved me so that I was facing him, and I stumbled slightly when I realized it was been. It was at that exact moment that I spotted Darren with some girl near us. Suddenly I didn’t care that Ben had his arms around me, holding me close to him as we continued dancing.

“I heard you and Darren broke up,” Ben was shouting in my ear over the music. I smiled at him. “Want another drink?”

I nodded my head and Ben grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the kitchen. I glanced at Darren as we went by and now he had seen me. His eyes darkened when he saw Ben. I rolled my eyes. He’s probably just jealous.

I leaned against one of the counters in the kitchen as Ben went to work, pouring things into a cup before handing it to me.

“Enjoy,” he said. “So, what happened between you and Darren?”

“Nothing,” I said, taking a couple gulps of my drink. “We weren’t together. I told him to leave me alone, and he finally listened.”

Ben nodded. I drank more of what was in my cup. It was delicious and cold and I was so thirsty. My cup was empty in no time at all, and suddenly I was dizzy, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have drank it so fast. I set the cup on the counter and took a step forward. My feet felt heavy.

“Easy there,” Ben said, wrapping an arm around my waist as I almost fell. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I just need to sit down.”

Ben started leading me out of the kitchen and we went down a hallway that went out of the living room. He opened a door at the end of the hall and turned on the light before closing the door again.

“Come over here,” he said, leading me towards the bed. I sat down on the edge and Ben sat next to me. “Do you feel like you’re going to get sick?”

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. I shut my eyes, begging for the spinning to stop. I could feel Ben’s hand rubbing circles into my back. I opened my eyes and looked up at Ben. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“Good,” he said before leaning down quickly and placing his lips on mine. His tongue was in my mouth before I could do anything and the next thing I’m lying on my back, Ben on top of me and his hands roaming under my shirt. I tried to move, to make some indication that this wasn’t what I wanted but all of my limbs felt too heavy. “I bet Darren never made you feel this good.”

His hands were at the button on my jeans, trying to get them open, his mouth hot and moist on my neck. I just want him to stop. Tears spring to my eyes and slide down my face. Why didn’t anyone notice I was gone?

I hear the door open and Ben sits up momentarily.

“This room’s taken, dude,” he says. “Oh hey, Darren. Don’t worry about Hailey, here. She’s in good hands.”

“Are you okay, Hailey?” I hear Darren ask. I try to move my head or open my mouth to speak or just something to indicate that I’m not but I can’t do anything. The room starts to spin again and edges of my vision are starting to darken. Finally I let out a sob. I’m still crying. “I think you better get away from her.”

“What are you—”

Everything fades away into blackness.

---

The second I wake up I know I’m not at home. I don’t know where I am, but it’s bright. I sit up quickly, completely disoriented with fuzzy memories of the night before. It takes seeing Darren asleep next to me on the bed for me to realize that I’m in Darren’s room.

Darren stirs and blinks a few times before looking up at me and seeing the scared look on my face. He sits up, rubbing his eyes.

“How are you feeling?” he asks. I don’t have time to answer, because suddenly I’m completely aware of a heavy, queasy feeling in my stomach. I lean over the edge of the bed, thankful to see that a garbage can has been placed there and empty what’s in my stomach. I feel movement on the bed behind me as I continue to throw up, and then my hair is being pulled carefully away from my face.

I throw up a few more times before finally it stops and I’m gasping for breath and my stomach is aching.

“I was surprised you didn’t throw up last night,” Darren says quietly. “But at least you’re getting everything out now.

“What happened last night?” I ask after a moment.

“Well, I walked in on Ben taking advantage of you and then you passed out,” he says. “I punched Ben in the face a few times and then brought you to my house. I think Ben might have slipped you something in your drink.”

“Why didn’t you take me to the hospital?” I ask.

“Because I know from experience that all they’d do is let you sleep it off,” he says. “I figured you coming to my house would be cheaper. Plus then your mom doesn’t have to find out.”

“Well… thank you,” I say. “If it wasn’t for you…”

I can’t finish my sentence because I don’t even want to think of what could have happened if Darren hadn’t found me last night. I start to cry without warning and Darren doesn’t hesitate to pull me to him in a hug. I welcome the comfort, burying my head in the crook of his neck and sobbing. When I finally get myself somewhat under control, I lie down on the bed, pulling down with me. I close my eyes, feeling extremely tired.

“Thank you, Darren,” I say quietly before falling back to sleep.

---

When I wake up again, I’m by myself in Darren’s bed. My mouth is dry and my head is pounding. The door to Darren’s room opens, and Darren walks in, smiling at me.

“Oh, good!” he says. “You’re up.”

He hands me a bottle of water and two Advil.

“For you,” he says. I open the bottle of the water and take a few sips before taking the Advil. I drink some more water before putting the lid back on.

“Thank you,” I said.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Horrible,” I say, laying back down and pulling the blanket up to my chin. “Is your mom home?”

“No,” he says. “She went away for the weekend. She won’t be back until tomorrow.”

“This will probably be a dream come true for you, but can I stay here tonight?” I ask. “I don’t want to see Becca and I don’t want to go home.”

“That’s fine,” he said. “Becca actually called here earlier and she’s already said she’ll cover for you.”

“Good,” I say. I climb out of the bed and leave the room.

“Where are you going?” Darren asks.

“Bathroom.”

I use some mouthwash to clean my mouth out. I stare at myself in the mirror. I have dark circles under my eyes and my hair is a tangled mess. I sit on the edge of the tub and place my face in my hands. It’s at this moment that I can’t believe I just asked Darren if I can stay the night at his house.