Weightless

Though Alex was constantly on his guard, preparing for the moment when everything went to shit, not much actually changed. He had, of course, noticed the small changes in Chloe, but he forced himself not to dwell on it. What did it matter if she frowned a little whenever she saw her reflection or if her eyes held a little bit of guilt whenever they kissed or touched or if there was sometimes a whisper of cigarette smoke mixed in with her sweet scent or if she still refused to be his girlfriend? She still let him call her ‘Chlo’ and asked him to cuddle with her on the nights that she couldn’t sleep and kissed him whenever the opportunity was presented. And she was still eating and smiling and Marcus seemed to be gone for good. Chloe had even opened up to Matt a little bit, though she still seemed wary around him.

Eventually, Alex stopped thinking about the bad things that could happen. He learned to ignore the feeling in his gut that would spring up whenever Chloe did something different than normal. It had been three months, after all, and graduation was just around the corner. And then All Time Low was going on tour for the summer, and Chloe was going to join them. He could barely contain his excitement at spending 24/7 with the small blonde, even though he practically did already. Actually, all of the boys were excited. Chloe had wormed her way into their hearts and none of them could imagine spending longer than a few days without her, let alone months.

It was a sunny day when the teenagers graduated. The sky was perfectly clear, not even a hint of clouds on the horizon. The boys and Chloe had all carpooled together, none of them particularly fond of being trapped inside a car with their weepy parents. Jack had spent the entire time sulking since Rian was the only one who would get to sit by Chloe. He’d even tried to convince the drummer to switch places with him.

The ceremony had gone by faster than their parents thought possible. By the time their children had broken away from the crowd and made their way over, not a single one of the adults’ eyes were dry. There was a lot of hugging and pictures and kisses before any of them were released. Alex laced his fingers through Chloe’s, who looked up at him with a stunning smile that was only slightly forced. Jack quickly grabbed her other hand and began to tow her away, Alex being forced along as well. There was a massive party Jack was anxious to get to, even though they planned on leaving early the next morning for tour, and the rest of the teens bid their parents farewell. Little did they know, this was going to be the catalyst that turned their worlds upside down.

Chloe clung to Alex’s side. She had made Zack leave so that he could find his own girl, and now she was left with only Alex. Not that she really minded, Chloe was smart enough to recognize the feelings she had for Alex. Though she would never in a million years admit to it, Chloe was falling fast.

The music was loud and fast. People were stumbling everywhere, drinks sloshing about. Alex had gotten one for himself and Chloe who dumped it in a house plant while his back was turned. There was no telling how many calories that drink possessed, and Chloe didn’t feel like throwing up anymore today. She’d already had to purge herself of the celebratory graduation breakfast her aunt and uncle had made. It had left her throat feeling raw and scratchy, but the number on the scale had begun to fall again and that was all that mattered. Marcus’ words from her birthday party so many months ago still rang in Chloe’s ears.

Chloe was leaning against the side of the Gaskarth household. Seeing the blonde girl she knew Alex had been with had caused a weight to sink into her chest. She was so beautiful and sweet and Alex had left her for Chloe. And it was wrong because obviously she was better for him. Chloe felt the guilt manifest itself in angry tears and she reached into her bra to pull out the cigarette she always kept there. Yes, she had told Alex and Zack she had quit, and she had, but there were certain moments when a sweet drag of nicotine was needed. And now was definitely one of those moments.
“Happy birthday, Chloe.” Chloe jumped about 30 feet in the air at the sound of Marcus’ voice.
She slowly turned her head to the left to look at him. He was smiling softly at her. Chloe felt her harsh stare soften. This was the smile that she had fallen in love with. This was the smile Marcus reserved only for Chloe. This was his smile of love.
Marcus took a tentative step forward and Chloe did nothing to stop him. Sure, she probably should have run back inside to fetch one of the boys, but Marcus looked so weak. There was no spark in his eye. And Chloe told herself she wasn’t afraid of him anymore.
“My birthday was weeks ago.” She said, but her voice lacked the snappiness she had attempted to infuse it with.
“I know. But this is a party for your birthday isn’t it” Chloe nodded, unsure where this conversation was going. “So that means I can give you a present.”
“You already gave me your present. I think it’s best if you just leave.” Marcus’ face crumpled at Chloe’s words.
“Why? Chloe, please, I’m so sorry for everything, baby. I want to fix it. I can change, I swear it.”
“No, Marcus. I told you I was done and I am. Please, just leave.” Tears welled in Chloe’s transparent blue eyes.
“No!” Marcus cried. “I won’t leave you! Look at what’s happened to you already! You’ve gained so much weight and you’re hanging around with all of these boys. You’re probably fucking half of them. You’ve become such a fat whore, Chlo.”
Despite the obvious fact that Marcus’ words were meant to cause Chloe pain, his voice was so soft. It was almost a caress. Chloe felt the tears overflow. The way he had just spoken to her made it sound as if he was genuinely concerned for her well being. It was like he knew she was going into a downward spiral without him and he just wanted to save her from destruction.
“I don’t want to watch you throw away everything that makes you so beautiful. I love you too much for that. We’re so good for each other. I keep you perfect and you keep me sane. Don’t you see? We’re meant to be together.”
Chloe knew his words were bullshit. She knew if she ever went back to him the vicious cycle would start all over again. But a part of her told her he was right. She had become such a waste without him. She looked down at her feet, noticing how her thighs were actually touching, before bringing her watery gaze back to Marcus. She would never go back to him. She would show him how strong she was without him. She could do this on her own. She could be perfect on her own.
“No.” Her voice was strong, defiant. Anger began to creep into Marcus’ brown orbs. “I don’t need you.”
It was at this point that Alex had shown up. That had, of course sent Marcus over the edge. It had gotten even worse when Matt had appeared. Of course, he had to be the same boy Marcus had seen her flirting with the night when everything had come to a boil. The night Marcus had gone too far and pushed Chloe straight into Alex’s arms, a place she found herself again right now. But Alex was too good for Chloe, so she forced herself to move away and return inside without him.
Zack had assumed something was wrong, but Chloe forced herself to start acting the same way she had before Marcus had reappeared. She still ate and smiled and made time to be with Alex. She couldn’t keep herself away. And so Mia had returned and Chloe found herself on her knees in front of the toilet every day. She would be perfect because that’s what Alex deserved. And on the days it became too much she would sneak a smoke. And no one knew. No one had any idea.

Chloe was pulled from her reverie by a drunken Jack nearly toppling her. Luckily, Alex had been standing behind the small girl when Jack had flung himself into her arms and he managed to keep both of them upright. Chloe shot him a grateful smile and allowed herself to snuggle into his warmth as Jack wandered off to find someone else to terrorize. Alex stared down at her with a look that could only be described as loving and pulled Chloe closer. They began to dance to the beat, Chloe feeling a warm happiness spread throughout her body. Then the moment was shattered by a hacking cough escaping Chloe’s lungs.

Alex looked down at her with concern. Chloe tried to wave it away with a smile, but Alex was having none of that. He hadn’t heard her cough like this since the first time he met her. It absolutely terrified him.

“Are you okay? Do you want to go home?” Chloe shook her head.

“No, you’re having fun. Let’s stay.”

“Chloe.” Alex said sternly. “I don’t care about this stupid party. I care about you and right now you sound sick. We have to leave early tomorrow anyway. Just let me take you home, alright?”

Chloe sighed and gave in with a nod. Alex gave her a small smile and pulled her out of the mass of sweaty bodies. They found Zack and Alex informed him they were leaving. Zack didn’t ask for a reason why, just said okay and kissed his cousin’s forehead. He knew she would be okay with Alex.

The ride back to the Merrick household was quiet. Chloe felt awkward and Alex’s mind was still racing with possible reasons for her to be coughing like that. He refused to believe it was because she had reverted back to her old ways. Chloe, on the other hand, was mentally kicking herself. Of course that stupid cough had come back. It always did when Chloe smoked and the purging didn’t help it either. She had been hiding it from everyone so well though. By the time they had made it into the house, she was practically drowning in self hate. And then it had to happen again.

Alex frowned as Chloe began to cough violently. He watched with worried eyes as Chloe doubled over, clutching at her stomach. She gripped the sleeves of her dress, pulling them over her hands to cover her mouth. He gently wrapped his arms around her. Eventually she quieted and Alex pulled her face up to meet his. Liquid had gathered in her eyes due to the explosions of air coming from her lungs. She leaned into his chest, her arms winding around his waist. When she pulled away, Alex caught a glimpse of her sleeves. Something red was shining on the fabric. Alex quickly snatched her arm, bringing it closer to his face to study the stains. Chloe tried to scramble away, but Alex’s grip was firm. Her face burned with embarrassment.

“Chloe…what the fuck is this?” He asked as his eyes left her sleeves to meet her eyes. Chloe looked down without replying. “Is this…is this blood?”

Chloe shuffled her feet, her gaze still on the floor. Alex released his hold and Chloe hurriedly moved her hands behind her back. Alex stared at her for a few moments before softly placing his finger under her chin. Chloe allowed her head to be lifted up.

“Why is there blood on your sleeves, Chloe?” His voice sounded pained and Chloe’s heart wrenched.

“Because.” She whispered.

“Because why?”

“Because my throat hurts.”

“Have you been throwing up again?” Chloe’s face burned at his question and she averted her eyes again. “Why, Chloe?”

“I just want to be perfect.” She mumbled, tears clinging to her lashes.

“You are perfect.” Chloe’s head snapped up, her expression fiery, but Alex spoke up before she could argue. “You are everything and so much more, Chloe. Every time I see you my heart just about stops. You are so beautiful and strong. You don’t need to do this. You will never be anything less than perfect in my eyes, Chloe. I know that isn’t what you see when you look in the mirror, but it’s what I see. You don’t need to change anything. You are perfect exactly how you are.”

Chloe’s anger faded as she listen to his words. His voice was laced with so much passion and sincerity that Chloe couldn’t deny him. She knew he would continue to go off if she didn’t stop him, so she quickly launched herself at him, her lips silencing his. Alex was surprised for a moment, but her lips were delivering so much intensity into his, that he soon forgot everything they had been talking about. All he focused on was kissing her back with everything he had.

Chloe nipped lightly on Alex’s bottom lip and he dug his thumbs into her hip bones. Smirking, she kissed along his jaw line until she came to his neck. Alex let out a moan as Chloe bit on that soft spot that only she had ever found. Chloe slipped her hands under Alex’s shirt and trailed her fingers down, applying slight pressure with her long fingernails. The muscle’s in his stomach tightened under her cold touch. She danced her fingers along the hemline of Alex’s boxers and he growled, sweeping her off the floor in one swift movement.

Chloe gasped and Alex seized the opportunity, placing his mouth back on hers. Somehow, he managed to carry her into her room. Alex placed Chloe back on the ground, reluctantly pulling away to rip his shirt off. Chloe had made her way to the bed, kicking off her shoes, while Alex was undressing. The look on his face when he didn’t see her as the shirt came off was priceless and Chloe let out a giggle. Alex smirked as his gaze moved to her figure sitting on the bed and pinned her down, being careful not to hurt any part of her. Chloe squealed as Alex covered her with kisses while simultaneously stripping her of her dress. Then she reached up and flicked the lamp off, both of them disappearing beneath the sheets.