Weightless

By the time Alex made it out to his car, Chloe was already half way through a cigarette. He scowled in frustration. He had been so close to learning just what was going on inside that pretty little head of hers, and she had shut him down. She didn’t seem to be aware of his presence. He stood and watched her flick the ash off the end of the stick, her face clouded over with some unknown emotion. She bit her lip and started shaking slightly. Alex didn’t know if it was from the cold or not, but he didn’t move. Something told him to wait.

Chloe tightened her facial muscles. There was no possible way that she was going to cry. It was just not going to happen. She took another long drag, the smoke sweeping away all memories. She turned around, slightly surprised to see Alex standing there. She stared him down.

“Are you coming or not?”

Alex snapped out of his stupor and jogged down the steps. Chloe dropped the cigarette, stomping it out. He unlocked the doors and she climbed inside, bringing her legs up to wrap her arms around herself. Alex slid in the driver’s side and looked over at her. She was staring into the distance, her eyes completely unfocused.

“Chloe?” His voice was quiet. She didn’t budge. “Are you alright?”

“Of course I’m alright.” She whispered hoarsely.

Alex thought of when he had met the girl last night. She was so timid, so scared. He had watched her hide behind Zack most of the night and he had wanted to bring her out from behind him and wrap her in a hug. He had wanted her to bury her head in his neck so that he could whisper comforts into her ears. The girl he had been dealing with all morning had been the complete opposite. She was harsh, grating, and cold. And yet, he still wanted nothing more than to hold her close. Even with all of her biting words and icy glares, she was still so fragile.

“Chloe, you can talk to me you know.”

She didn’t respond and Alex sighed. He started the car and headed towards the school. Before he had even fully stopped the car she was out of it and walking inside. He ran to catch up with her, but she ignored him, simply turning into the girl’s bathroom. Alex thought about waiting for her, but realized it probably wasn’t going to get him anywhere. She had retreated inside of herself again and he doubted he was going to be able pull her out. Head hung low, he slunk off towards his first period class.

Chloe collapsed in front of the toilet. She shoved her finger down her throat, but nothing happened. She pushed and pushed and pushed against the squishy skin but nothing came out. Chloe burst into hysterics. She just wanted to be good. She just wanted to be perfect. She was tired of being a fuck up. She was tired of being herself.

But she wasn’t strong. She was weak and pathetic and terrible. She viciously scratched her legs, reopening the cuts from earlier that had just started to scab over. The gauze had ripped open and the blood was seeping into her skirt. Chloe didn’t even realize she had dialed his number until he answered.

“Chloe? What’s wrong?”

“Zack, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” She cried into the speaker.

“Shhhhh. Bo, it’s okay. Calm down.” He soothed. Chloe cried harder.

“I’m want to be better. I want to be good. Why can’t I be good?”

“You are good. You are, Chloe, you really are.”

Zack ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He desperately wished her could take her pain away. He wanted nothing more than to stop her from hurting.

“I’ll come and get you, okay? We can go to the park. Okay? I’ll be there soon.”

“Don’t hang up the phone.” She whispered. “Please, Mop, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I promise you, Bo. I’ll never leave you.”

Zack practically ran out of Towson. He listened to her choppy breathing to entire drive to Dulaney. He walked quickly through the entrance, ignoring the other students wandering the halls. He didn’t even notice Alex until he ran into him.

“Zack!” He exclaimed. Zack’s eyes focused on his, but Alex could tell he was miles away. “Why are you here?”

“Chloe.” He mumbled distractedly.

Alex’s eyebrows shot up. At first, he thought that Chloe had told Zack what had happened to her wrist, but when he realized he wasn’t unconscious. And Zack’s eyes were darting everywhere. Alex could only assume he was looking for the blonde haired girl. He heard a voice crackle and noticed Zack’s phone was next to his ear.

“What are you doing in there?” He questioned into the speaker.

There was a pause and Zack’s face contorted with sadness.

“Chloe, please stop. I’m here now. I’m right out front. Just leave the bathroom and I’ll find you.”

Another pause.

“Yes, I’ll stay on the phone. I told you, I’ll never leave you. Stay put.”

Zack had completely forgotten about Alex, who was standing there utterly confused. He gripped Zack’s arm, shaking him a little to bring him back to the present.

“Zack, what’s wrong with Chloe?”

“She just needs me. How many bathrooms are here and where are they?” He asked, his voice rushed.

Alex realized that Chloe must have stayed in the bathroom even after he left, though he couldn't imagine why. Without thinking he began walking, still holding onto Zack’s arm.

“C’mon, I know where she is.”