A Puck Between Us

As I turned the corner, walking back into the family room, I noticed Addison looking down at her arm. My eyes moved down to see what she was looking at and I saw that part of her forearm was red and covered in scratches.

I started to rush over to her.

“Addison… what’s that?” I asked nervously, trying not to think the worst.

“What are you talking about?” She asked me, and I could see her trying to hold back the pain.

“The scratches! What the hell are they from?” I moved closer to her and tried to make her feel like she could tell me.

“I—umm—Emerson scratched me in his sleep. It’s nothing.”

She smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced.

I wanted so badly for her to feel like she could just tell me what happened, but prying wasn’t the way to go. It would make her upset and make her think that I couldn’t trust her. The only problem is, we know each other so well that it’s not an issue of trust; it’s that we know when we are being lied to or when it is the truth.

I tried to oversee her making up that story to tell me, and placed the bowls of macaroni on the table.

As I placed mine down I saw Emerson, out of the corner of my eye, lying there on the couch. I walked over to the other end of the couch and grabbed a blanket, proceeding to place it on top of him.

I could see the pain in Addison’s entire body as I crouched down and gently tucked the blanket under him to make sure he stayed warm.

It was almost impossible to notice her body quench as I leaned down next to the baby—as if she couldn’t stand the sight of me with a child.

When I sat back down, I put the TV on and found a movie. We sat there in silence and ate our dinner and I barely paid attention to the television. AL I kept thinking about was how I should not have let her kiss me. It was just in the moment and I know she wouldn’t have done it if she weren’t feeling so vulnerable and not wanted.

I kept thinking about how I should not have kissed her back and then went on to kiss her forehead as I left, dragging on the feelings. I feel like I was taking advantage of her being so emotional about something else.

I looked over at her and she must have seen my head turn because at the same time she looked at me, but turned back to the TV almost immediately when our eyes met. I could feel the awkward tension now, even more, as we sat quietly on the couch, and I couldn’t help but notice the amount of space between her and me on the large couch.

About half way through the movie, Emerson made a small noise and sat up on the couch and crawled over to Addison. Her face lit up when she pulled him up onto her lap.

When I saw how she looked at him, I couldn’t help but think that in some weird way, Emerson was brought into her life to keep Addison somewhat happy and fill a hole in her heart when I left. Maybe that was just a way of making me feel like I didn’t hurt her as badly as I did.

I couldn’t help but watch her as she was so perfect with Emerson—so gentle and kind. She caught me watching her instead of the movie, which she was also no longer watching.

“Hey, I hate to ask you for more than you have already done for me, but is there any way we could go to the store quick. I don’t have a bottle or even a cup for him and I don’t think I can go back into that house right now.”

“Definitely. “ I answered her right away. “I don’t think you should go back there. You need to give her time. Let me just go get my shoes from upstairs and grab a sweatshirt. I’ll be right down.”

“Can you bring me down a sweatshirt? It’s cold out and—“

“I will.” I said smiling at her.

After I got my shoes on and grabbed two sweatshirts out of my still packed bag from North Carolina, I went back downstairs. Addison had Emerson all wrapped up in a blanket and was standing, waiting by the door.

“Ready?” She asked as I stepped off the last step.

“Yup… and I would ask you, but you look like you’ve been set for a few minutes already.” I said back, flashing a smile and trying to keep the mood light.

She smiled back. “Let’s go boys.”

We walked out and Addison put Emerson in the car seat that we had, thankfully, never taken out of the car and we both got in.

“Where do you want to go, Add?”

“It’s up to you. Target is pretty close if you wanna just run in there quick? Or we can go to BabiesRUs if you want to drive a little longer?”

“We can go there if you think there will be better stuff? I don’t really care where we drive to?”

“Yeah if that’s cool, then let’s go there. I am gonna grab him pajamas and a few things so that he feels more comfortable. I just feel so bad for him to have to go through this.”

“He’ll be fine, Addi. We’ll make him feel like he is right at home. You guys can take my bed tonight and we will just put pillows on the other side of him so he doesn’t roll off. I’ll take the couch.”

“Thank you, Jeff. You are really being so great through all of this.”

I looked at her and smiled. “You’re welcome.” And she smiled back.

After driving for about 15 minutes, we pulled into the parking lot.

Addison went to take Emerson out of the car seat and he was sleeping. She gently took him out and I offered to hold him for her, but she declined.

“You have already done more than enough, I can hold him.”

“Trust me, it’s fine. You don’t need to keep thanking me and you can stop feeling bad. I am more than happy to be doing this for you. I missed you, Addi. I’m glad we can hang out again. I’ll take him.”

She handed him over and we walked into the store.

As we were looking around, I noticed her adding up the stuff she picked out.

“Don’t worry about how much it is gonna be. I’ll get it for you.” I told her. “Just get whatever he needs.”

“No way! That is not fair. I took him from my mom and didn’t grab by stuff, so the money in my pocket is what I am gonna have to get by with for now. It’s my fault.”

“Addison, seriously. Go put the cheapest bottle back, since it will probably leak anyway, and get him something good. I will pay for it. Just think of it as a present for missing his birthday.” I said and she smiled turning back down the aisle that we found the bottles in.

We got a few bottles and cups, some food, a couple blankets, a jacket, and a few outfits for during the day and pajamas for at night.

After we checked out, she wheeled the carriage back to the car and I put Emerson inside, before putting the bags into the back seat on the other side. I walked the cart back up to the sidewalk and we got back on the road.

“I would say we have enough stuff for a few days.” I joked.

“You’d be surprised. That food will last like 2 or 3 days and the 5 outfits we bought—maybe tomorrow.”

“…..are you kidding me?” I asked, kinda shocked. “I was joking, but that blew my mind, a little.

“Dead serious. Babies are a lot of work and they are expensive. I am never having kids, after this one.”

“Wait, we used to want like 4 or 5 kids. Now you want none.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind having a kid, but not until I have been working for a few years and stuff. You just spent over $100 on enough stuff for like 2 days. You do the math.”