A Puck Between Us
Chapter 21
“He’s yours!” She said, crying, and all of the anger had suddenly left my body.
“He’s...” I could hardly get the word out. “mine?”
“He’s your son, Jeff.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“He has your eyes. He’s you.”
How could I not figure this out? His age… The brown eyes and hair that no one in her family had… The name Emerson alone should have given it away… We had talked about that name for as long as I could remember. The only name we would agree on when we joked around about our future.
I stood there in silence, just trying to understand.
*FLASHBACK*
I woke up to her sleeping next to me— still wrapped up in only the sheets of the hotel bed.
I was in a state of amazement and disbelief at what we had done the night before.
It was the day of the NHL draft and we had gotten into Los Angeles a few days early to take a little vacation before the rest of the family came. The night before, we were excited about the draft and we started kissing each other and one thing led to another and it led me here. Lying in bed next to the girl that I have loved since we were 14 years old—the first girl I loved and hopefully the only one.
*PRESENT TIME*
I snapped back to reality and she was sitting on the deck with her knees up to her chest and her face buried into them, crying.
I sat down next to her, pulling her into my arms—gently enough to make sure not to hurt her, but tightly enough to let her know that I was here for her.
I put my head on her shoulder and whispered into her ear. “We’ll figure this out, Addison. I promise you, we will. It’ll be fine—We’ll be fine.”
She turned and threw her arms around my neck and I pulled her into me.
“I am so sorry, Jeff.” She murmured through the tears and I felt myself starting to tear up now.
I couldn’t even be mad at her.
“Let’s go inside and talk about this.” I suggested, pulling her with me as I stood up.
“There is nothing for me to say except for how sorry I am and that still doesn’t even mean anything. I kept you out of your son’s life for 15 months and you didn’t even know about it. Not only am I a terrible mother—I am a terrible person. I should just leave and go back there. I don’t deserve for you to be nice to be. I deserve whatever my mother would do to me at home. I’m sorry for everything.”
She got up from the bed and started to walk out of the room. I ran after her and grabbed her arm before she started down the stairs.
“Addison stop!” I said sternly.
She turned around, crying again.
“Jeff, I should really go. I can’t do this. I don’t even know why I said anything. I felt like I couldn’t hold it in anymore, but now I am sorry that I even said it. It’s going to make things more complicated than they already were.” She started to yell at me.
“More complicated!?” I snapped back at her. She wasn’t even thinking straight now. “We have a child that I didn’t even know about for almost 2 years. That is about as complicated as it gets.”
She went down the stairs, almost ignoring me and I followed after her, continuing to yell and plead my story. “I am not mad at you and I don’t blame you for anything. I get that you were scared and I left you here. And I am sorry too!”
With that, she turned around. “You did leave me, Jeff, but it would have been different if you left knowing that I was pregnant with our child. You didn’t know. But you should have…”
“What’s done is done, Addison. I am not living in the past—It’s over. All I can do now is get to know my son and spend time with him.” I said to her and her eyes got brighter.
“…If you’ll let me.” I finished, and she walked back in my direction.
“You want him…?” She asked me surprised.
“No. I didn’t say that, Addison.” I said to her and she turned around, picking her hand up- reaching for the door and beginning to open it.
“I want both of you.”
She turned around and closed the door behind her, looking at me again with her still watery eyes.
“Now I need to be honest with you.” I confessed to her.
“Remember that day that I told you I was leaving and we were done?”
“I couldn’t forget it if I tried…”
“I didn’t want to leave you, Addison. I never wanted to leave you. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“And that didn’t happen, did it?” She said, seeming very mad.
“Just let me get this out, okay?” I asked her and she shook her head in approval. “I had asked your mom the day before if I could take you with me and she said no. She wanted you with her—she said I couldn’t take you with me, Addison.”
“Wh—“
That was all she got out and she broke down in tears.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to take you with me, but I couldn’t just disobey your mother. I was barely 18 and you still had 3 months till you were.”
“So, you wanted to take me with you?” She asked. “You wanted us to be together? You didn’t want to break up with me?”
“Yes. Yes. And not at all.”
She walked over slowly, and wrapped her arms around me once again. The hug felt like no other—this was not only my best friend and my only love, but the mother of my child.
“Can we do something?” I whispered in her ear, asking her.
I didn’t wait for a response from her, I just asked. “Can we go get our little boy and bring him here?”
“He’s...” I could hardly get the word out. “mine?”
“He’s your son, Jeff.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“He has your eyes. He’s you.”
How could I not figure this out? His age… The brown eyes and hair that no one in her family had… The name Emerson alone should have given it away… We had talked about that name for as long as I could remember. The only name we would agree on when we joked around about our future.
I stood there in silence, just trying to understand.
*FLASHBACK*
I woke up to her sleeping next to me— still wrapped up in only the sheets of the hotel bed.
I was in a state of amazement and disbelief at what we had done the night before.
It was the day of the NHL draft and we had gotten into Los Angeles a few days early to take a little vacation before the rest of the family came. The night before, we were excited about the draft and we started kissing each other and one thing led to another and it led me here. Lying in bed next to the girl that I have loved since we were 14 years old—the first girl I loved and hopefully the only one.
*PRESENT TIME*
I snapped back to reality and she was sitting on the deck with her knees up to her chest and her face buried into them, crying.
I sat down next to her, pulling her into my arms—gently enough to make sure not to hurt her, but tightly enough to let her know that I was here for her.
I put my head on her shoulder and whispered into her ear. “We’ll figure this out, Addison. I promise you, we will. It’ll be fine—We’ll be fine.”
She turned and threw her arms around my neck and I pulled her into me.
“I am so sorry, Jeff.” She murmured through the tears and I felt myself starting to tear up now.
I couldn’t even be mad at her.
“Let’s go inside and talk about this.” I suggested, pulling her with me as I stood up.
“There is nothing for me to say except for how sorry I am and that still doesn’t even mean anything. I kept you out of your son’s life for 15 months and you didn’t even know about it. Not only am I a terrible mother—I am a terrible person. I should just leave and go back there. I don’t deserve for you to be nice to be. I deserve whatever my mother would do to me at home. I’m sorry for everything.”
She got up from the bed and started to walk out of the room. I ran after her and grabbed her arm before she started down the stairs.
“Addison stop!” I said sternly.
She turned around, crying again.
“Jeff, I should really go. I can’t do this. I don’t even know why I said anything. I felt like I couldn’t hold it in anymore, but now I am sorry that I even said it. It’s going to make things more complicated than they already were.” She started to yell at me.
“More complicated!?” I snapped back at her. She wasn’t even thinking straight now. “We have a child that I didn’t even know about for almost 2 years. That is about as complicated as it gets.”
She went down the stairs, almost ignoring me and I followed after her, continuing to yell and plead my story. “I am not mad at you and I don’t blame you for anything. I get that you were scared and I left you here. And I am sorry too!”
With that, she turned around. “You did leave me, Jeff, but it would have been different if you left knowing that I was pregnant with our child. You didn’t know. But you should have…”
“What’s done is done, Addison. I am not living in the past—It’s over. All I can do now is get to know my son and spend time with him.” I said to her and her eyes got brighter.
“…If you’ll let me.” I finished, and she walked back in my direction.
“You want him…?” She asked me surprised.
“No. I didn’t say that, Addison.” I said to her and she turned around, picking her hand up- reaching for the door and beginning to open it.
“I want both of you.”
She turned around and closed the door behind her, looking at me again with her still watery eyes.
“Now I need to be honest with you.” I confessed to her.
“Remember that day that I told you I was leaving and we were done?”
“I couldn’t forget it if I tried…”
“I didn’t want to leave you, Addison. I never wanted to leave you. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“And that didn’t happen, did it?” She said, seeming very mad.
“Just let me get this out, okay?” I asked her and she shook her head in approval. “I had asked your mom the day before if I could take you with me and she said no. She wanted you with her—she said I couldn’t take you with me, Addison.”
“Wh—“
That was all she got out and she broke down in tears.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to take you with me, but I couldn’t just disobey your mother. I was barely 18 and you still had 3 months till you were.”
“So, you wanted to take me with you?” She asked. “You wanted us to be together? You didn’t want to break up with me?”
“Yes. Yes. And not at all.”
She walked over slowly, and wrapped her arms around me once again. The hug felt like no other—this was not only my best friend and my only love, but the mother of my child.
“Can we do something?” I whispered in her ear, asking her.
I didn’t wait for a response from her, I just asked. “Can we go get our little boy and bring him here?”