A Puck Between Us

“Thank you for everything.” I heard the smile in his voice, contrasting against the darkness that surrounded us.

We were sitting there, in the dark room, with our son next to us.

Life was getting there.

I reached my hand over Emerson, before wrapping my fingers with Jeff’s. I closed my eyes, letting the guard I’d built fall.

I inhaled the smell of Jeff surrounding me. I listen to the steady breaths coming from the boys beside me.

I let my eyelids drop, let my mind wander, and let dreams take over my mind.

It was that night I dreamed of what I really wanted.

A stream of sunlight warmed my face, as I heard a catapult into the pool. I glanced up, to see a large kidney shaped pool, flowing with crystal blue water.

A wind ruffled my hair, as Jeff immerged from the water, and began swimming over to Emerson.

Emerson was sitting in a small inner tube that held him up against the flowing water. His legs dangled through the diaper-shaped holder.

The pool was placed just on the edge of a large hill, spilling out into an ocean. The hillside was sprinkled with colorful flowers, each sprouting and displaying it’s own beautiful color.

I changed positions on the soft, white lawn chair. It was positioned to face the boys, as it stood on the same white cobblestone.

I didn’t have to look behind me. I knew the house was behind me, but I wasn’t sure how.

It was like it had always been there.

“Stop that!” Emerson giggled, kicking water toward Jeff’s amateur attempt of pretending to be a shark, with his hands placed in a triangle on his head. He came up for a breath just in time to get splashed with the toddler’s water.

Instead of getting mad, he just continued his jaws music and circled him.

A ring dug into my finger, the diamond glistened from the sun, sending small spears of bright white light to shoot randomly. It was a reminder.

It reminded me that Jeff was mine, and he wouldn’t leave. He’d said so himself, and some how I believed him. Some how, I knew that was true.

I opened my eyes, feeling a slight wetness coating them. Slowly, I eased myself out of bed, walking out into the family room.

I crossed my arms over the aching feeling in my chest, looking out onto the wooden patio.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Jeff’s voice asked puzzled as he walked into the room.

“Why do you say that?” I questioned, not looking at him.

“You were crying.” He whispered, stepping by me. He snaked his arms around my waist, hugging me toward him.

My breath caught in my throat, as it seemed to always when he was this close. I stood, silently, as his hand swept away the remaining moisture from my eyes.

“No, it wasn’t a nightmare.” I said, solemnly as I could feel his questioning stare from behind me.

“When why were you crying?” He repeated, pushing it just a step further.

“Because I wanted it to be real.” I whispered, my voice weakening. I wanted him to be mine forever, I wanted our own house, I wanted Emerson to have a normal life.

No, that’s just selfish. This is his job, his life. Who am I to try and change anything?

A twinge of guilt washed over me for even thinking that. Actually, I felt guilty for thinking some worse. I felt guilty for actually wanting that.

“What don’t you already have?” He asked, not accusingly, but just purely curious. I turned away from the window, shaking him off me.

“It’s nothing, please just drop it.” I said, beginning to walk toward the kitchen, just to get away from this topic.

Running wasn’t going to help.

“I want to make you happy.” He mumbled, grabbing my wrist. I sighed, still not making eye contact.

“I said it’s nothing.”

“It’s never nothing, Addison. At least look at me.” I turned and stared into his brown eyes.

“What are your team mates going to think when you come back with a child?” I asked, facing the faces. My voice itched against my suddenly dry throat.

“Who cares what they think?” He asked, looking at me, dumb-stricken.

“What about the media? Do you care what their ideas are going to be when you come back with a child and a girlfriend?” I asked, my eyes burning just looking at his pained expression.

“They’ll know that we love each other enough to have a child. It’s better then going back alone with a child.” He pointed out, not leaving my eyes, his expression unreadable and unchanging.

“A girlfriend. That’s it. It’s nothing permanent, Jeff. There’s no promise behind that. There are just words and meanings and a bunch of other things. “ I said, waiting for a response but it never came.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, before calmly reopening them. I stared back into his dark orbs for eyes, and began talking again.

“I know you won’t leave me, but what if they think you will? Are you ready for that kind of publicity? Are you ready for people always asking that?” I asked, when he turned away.

He walked over to the cabinets under the T.V, grabbing a small object before turning to me again.

“Do you care?” He asked, his voice quiet and unreadable. I looked him over, almost questionably.

“Only if you care.” I replied, just staring up at him. He was thinking, I could see behind his eyes that his brain was racking itself for something

“You wouldn’t care if they called you a tramp, assuming that the child wasn’t mine, and that you were just a make-shift girlfriend?” He asked, hesitantly. I sighed, and decided not to lie to him.

“I’d care.” I said, closing my eyes. “I don’t want to be that girl that disappears half way through the ceiling.

“Then marry me, Addison.” He said, a smile twitching at his lips. My throat got even drier before my mouth stuttered out the words “What?”

“Marry me, Addison. Let’s get rid of all the pointing fingers. Let’s give them nothing to question.” He said, immediately getting to his knee.

“But, how-“ I began, before cutting myself off. He reaching from behind, pulling out the item he had gotten from the cabinet.

It was a small velvety purple box, and it opened up to reveal a small gold band, with a classic diamond lying on top. Inside the band was written a smile phrase.

I promised you forever.

“I don’t know.” I whispered, my mind fogging over.

“I promised you that one day I’d marry you. Let today be the day. I have always loved you. Let me prove it to you. Let’s take away all the reasons for questioning. Marry me, Addison.”

My mind couldn’t form the right word. I just stared down at him, in his tee shirt and pajama pants.

“I think you should say yes, Mama.” A small voice came in from the back. I turned to Emerson, standing in the doorway. He had a small bear in hand, the one that Jeff had once given to me. His thumb was lodged in his mouth, and his eyes held a happy glint to them.

“I think you should say yes too.” Jeff chimed in, a smile displayed on his face. I turned back to him.

“Yes.” I said, gulping down the last of my worries.

“What?” He asked, his smile growing.

“Yes. Yes I’ll marry you.” I smiled, as he jumped up, laying his lips on mine. My hands gripped his shirt as he entangled himself in my hair. I broke away remembering Emerson was in the room, but with one sigh from him, I planted a single kiss back on him.

“I love you.” He whispered. I laid my head against his rock-hard chest.

“Forever.”