Lilium

Sometimes Sonny had the urge to throw something across his bedroom just to watch it shatter into a million pieces. In fact, the night that Sonny saw the strange brown haired girl had been a night where he was getting ready to throw his lamp out of the window and into the streets.

Actually, Sonny had been watching observing her for a long time, maybe three or four long months. Her name? Lilium. Sonny loved to say her name while he was by himself in his bedroom, letting the sweet sound of it just roll of his tongue like water. Lilium.

Lilium had been a seemingly normal girl as Sonny observed her everyday habits; she would hop around the room like a rabbit, dancing to God-knows-what kind of music. She laughed and she had friends over a lot. She went out with a boy once, and to Sonny's surprise, it made him somewhat jealous when she pecked him on the cheek.

Lately, it seems like Lilium couldn't have been acting any stranger than she was now. Her friends were non-existant; her family rarely ever saw her anymore, and the boys? She wouldn't even look twice at the boys that came by every now and then to say 'hello'.

Which led to the reason of why Sonny was calling Lilium, 'Stranger'. Although he knew her name, he didn't know her personality anymore. She changed in a matter of months. Sonny knew exactly why though.

Every other night, after a short dinner, Lilium's mother would run to the store for an hour to pick up some groceries. Lilium would walk up the stairs to the second floor, and she always made a stop in the bathroom doing the exact same thing that Sonny did every time he put food in his mouth. Then, like a snake, Lilium slithered and slunk over to her bed in depression and disappointment. Sonny knew what she had done; the acid in his throat was a bitter reminder.

But it wasn't just the fact that Lilium thought she was as ugly as he was; Lilium began to change due to the fact that after her mom left to go to the store, her step-father would walk into the room, the lights would go out for 10 minutes, then Lilium would come to the window, crying.

Sonny, once, heard her cry out in pain, and it scared him; no, it paralyzed him. That bastard was touching her, touching her like he could. She wasn't his. Sonny then hissed in between his teeth in anger and frustration. Lilium didn't belong to Sonny either.

It had been four days since Sonny had witnessed her step-father actually burst through the door, like he owned her. He could remember the helpless, disgusted look in her eye when he walked in. Lilium looked like she had lost all hope.

Sonny waited at his window for Lilium to sit down at her desk and do what she always did, whatever it was. He wanted to catch her attention again. He wanted to talk with her again, even if they couldn't really hear each other. Sonny heard her in his heart.

The door to her bathroom opened and Lilium walked out of the bathroom, light spilling out and licking at the darkness of her bedroom. She wiped her bottom lip with her arm before walking over to her bed and bouncing up and down the mattress. Sonny scooted closer to his window, nearly pressing his face against the window. Lilium had something in her hands, something that Sonny couldn't see. He hated when he couldn't see everything, as strange as it sounded.

Sonny flicked the lamp of his bedroom on and off just once before Lilium peered up at him. Sonny's heart went a-flutter, and he straightened his posture, pushing through the papers on his lap. He found the one that said, "Hi", pressing it up against the window. Lilium sat down at her desk, scooting closer to the window. Sonny waved his hand wildly at her. She smiled weakly, looking down to find a paper. She scribbled something down and slammed it up against her window.

"Hello, stalker." She smiled and giggled at herself. Sonny grabbed another piece of paper and wrote something down so sloppily, he was sure he wouldn't be able to read it if he didn't have the phrase in his own head.

"Hi, beautiful." Sonny nodded, and for the first time ever, Lilium covered her face as she attempted to hide a very loud laugh. Her face distinctly grew red before she found another paper.

"You're Sonny, right?"

All Sonny could ever do was nod happily. "She remembered my name!" He said giddily in his own head. When he looked back at her, she had another note against the window.

"My name is Lilium." She said, poking a finger in her own chest. Sonny, as usual, nodded. "You come here often?" Her white paper said against the window. It was Sonny's turn to laugh, and he did; giggles slipped past his lips like a child's laughter.

"Phone #?" Sonny tapped at the paper. Lilium shook her head, and Sonny scribbled a 'please?' and a frown on the bottom of it.

"Okay...." She wrote with all of the periods. Then Sonny wrote down her number onto the corner of a different paper on his desk.

"Go get your phone." Sonny pressed the paper up against the window long enough for Lilium to smile, and she hopped out of her chair and ran down the stairs so fast that Sonny just barely saw her skipping down the stairs. Her mother was still there, at the house; maybe that was why Lilium was so confident about going down to the first floor. She was hardly ever at the first floor, only for dinner or when her mother called her down there for a 'talk'.

Sonny had a phone in his bedroom. It was an old little thing, but it worked. Sonny never really talked to anyone too much. Chatrooms were usually his first resort, but since Lilium had caught him, he had forgotten about all those non-existant people in the chatrooms and only worried for Lilium.

They had never spoken before this week, and Sonny was nervous. All of the sudden, he has this girl who wants to talk to him and waves at him and smiles at him. She notices him, and Sonny didn't want to blow it now!

Sonny grabbed his phone out of the receiver and walked back to his window. Lilium was already laying on her bed, phone in hand. He still had a magnificent view of her from her bed, so when Sonny pointed at his phone, Lilium smiled and put a thumb up in the air. Sonny wasn't nervous to call her, but his heart was pounding; he wasn't anxious, but his mouth went dry; he didn't like Lilium, but he loved her.

Sonny looked down at the paper to make sure he had the numbers right. When his fingers finally stopped twitching, he pushed in the first three numbers, followed with the next two. Lilium squirmed on her bed, her legs bouncing up and down and the phone pressed into her chest. Sonny only hoped that she was just as nervous as he was.

Then, with a final gulp, Sonny pushed in the last two numbers, and his thumb instinctively hit the 'dial' button. Sonny sat breathlessly as the other line rang once, rang twice, rang-

"Hello?" A frail voice answered. Sonny's heart jumped at the sudden sound of Lilium's voice, and he knew it was her, because from across the street, her mouth moved. Her legs suddenly stopped moving on her bed, and she crossed them together. Sonny opened his mouth to say something, but instead, a small stutter came out. "S-Sonny?" Lilium said in a sort of plea. He nodded, but slapped himself on the forehead loud enough for Lilium to hear.

"Lilium?" They only answered each other in questions. A sigh came from the other line, a sigh of relief. Sonny smiled at her sound of satisfaction. "Nice to finally... hear you, I guess."

She nodded quickly on her bed. "I keep nodding because I'm so used t-to talking to you across the w-windows." She stuttered. Sonny had never noticed that; her stutter. Like she could read his mind, she said, "I only st-stutter when I'm nervous." She took a deep breath. "I j-just take a bit longer to relax. The stutter will g-go away.

"Don't be nervous. I'm probably just as nervous as you are."

"But no stutter." Lilium finally said without one word catching on her tongue.

"But no stutter." Sonny admitted. Sonny leaned closer to his window; it wasn't enough to just hear her. He had to hear her and see her. She was too beautiful.

"Can I ask you a... question?" Lilium said. She sat up on her bed, slouching over and playing with the sheets on her bed; Sonny noted that they were a different color. Had she changed them since four nights ago? Probably, but he could only guess.

"Go ahead."

Lilium hung her feet off the edge of her bed, staring at Sonny with a beg. "I've heard that you.... I've heard that you do the same things that I do." She hesitated when saying her words. Sonny could only guess what she was feeling. Although Sonny was bulimic for a while (and he never liked to admit it), he had a family there for him, adoptive and blood related. They were helping him with the hardest part of his bulimia. Who did Lilium have? Her mother? And her mother didn't even know what was going on! Basically, Lilium had no one.

"Yeah." Sonny nodded.

"M-may I ask why?" The stutter came back.

Sonny waved her over to her window. Lilium sat down at her desk and nodded. "It's not a very long story, but you have to look at my face when I'm talking about this." Sonny made sure they had eye contact. "I've always been a child at heart, and I wondered where I got it from because both of my parents - I mean, my parents were never strict, but neither were children at heart." Sonny suddenly felt like he was just baring his life to her, although he was so used to hers.

"I loved, and I still love my parents with all my heart! They told me one day that they didn't want to keep lying to me like they were. I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about." Sonny paused, taking another breath. "My parents decided that I was old enough to find out that I was adopted." Lilium gasped on the other line, and she let out a cooing sound. "It wasn't.... When I found out I was adopted, just a while ago, it was really hard on me, but then I found out that my real parents were close friends of the family."

"Ohh.... I-I'm sorry."

"I just couldn't believe that for 15 years of my life, I looked my birth parents straight in the eye and had absolutely no idea who they were. It was just like... a big punch in the chest."

"B-but... they still loved you, right?" She asked. Sonny put up an index finger to the window, and she covered her mouth quickly.

"Both my birth parents, and my adoptive parents said I was the most amazing child they had ever seen, but I started thinking.... Why would my parents give me away? Why didn't they want me?" Sonny said. "Was I too ugly? Did I need to change.... I just kept thinking it was me they didn't want. But that wasn't true. I only convinced myself that it was my fault.

"But now that I've sort of caught grips on things, I'm not as bad as I usually am." Sonny smiled lightly. "I still look at myself and think I have to change, but I'm not stuffing my face with food just so I can throw it all up. I'm saving myself."

Lilium sighed admiringly. "You're so strong.... I could never do that....."

"Your situation is completely different, Lilium." Her name. Oh, Sonny loved the way her name just sounded so natural!

"Please.... Call me Lili. My step-father is the only one who calls me Lilium."

Sonny felt himself bite his tongue from cursing at the sound of 'step-father'. Sonny wanted to run across the street and save Lilium from that rat bastard, but he knew that no one would ever believe him. Would Lili's mother even believe Lilium herself?

"Sorry. Forgot about him." Sonny said shyly. For a few seconds, there was only the sound of their breathing coming from each of their lines. Sonny didn't think it was awkward though; Sonny didn't think a lot of things were ever awkward.

"So you know." Lili said grimly. Sonny swallowed hard at the change of tone in her voice. "You've seen what... he does to me."

"Never seen it." Sonny clarified, trying his hardest to sound like he was brave. "I... I heard you scream once, but... that was such a long time ago."

The mood changed, even though they weren't face-to-face. Lilium broke out into a quiet cry on the other line, and she turned her back on Sonny at the window.

"Then you know why I'm ugly." Lilium murmured. Sonny stood up and pushed himself up against the window, banging his hand on the glass a few times.

"You aren't ugly, Lili. Not to me, you aren't. Please turn around." Sonny pleaded, bring his fist down on the window again. Lili shook her head once.

"Do you know what it's like to feel ugly all the time?" She said before breaking down, cries of anguish slipping past her lips like prayers to God. Lilium threw herself down on her bed, her body trembling in fear, disgust and depression. Sonny tapped on the window again.

"Lili." He pleaded through the phone, sounding a bit more firm with his words. "Look at me, Lili. Remember when I said that you had to look at me while I was telling the story? Well, I'm not finished yet." Sonny sat down by his window again. Lili stepped over to her desk again, not taking the seat this time. She pressed her hand against the window, and Sonny in turn opened his window, phone pressed to his ear.

"I can't remember the last time I've seen myself in the mirror, Lili. I only remember looking in the mirror and seeing... a monster." Sonny swallowed hard. "But I'm getting through it because I have people here for me."

"I have nobody, Sonny!"

"So I just want you to know that I'm here to get you through it." Sonny reached his hand out to her, a swift wind curling around his hand. He shivered in delight. "I'm here, Lilium. If you ever need any help, if you ever need somebody to talk to." Sonny took the gentle tone from his voice away just a bit and said more firmly, "If he ever comes in there and touches you again, you have me." Lilium's fingers turned into a small, helpless fist at the window. "You're never alone."

Lili broke out into another cry, and she covered her small mouth with her hands. She sank down to her knees and then she was out of Sonny's vision. He searched, and he searched, but he could just barely see her leg. He could still hear her cries from her end of the conversation. Then she stopped, sniffled and whimpered just once.

"Thank you." Lili said quietly. "I feel.... It feels so weird to bare my entire life to you... but I guess, since you've already seen it all, it's not big news to you, is it?"

Sonny closed his window, eyes locked on her window, waiting for her figure.

"I never want to see him in there again." Sonny growled harshly. Lilium slowly stood herself up, and she smiled at Sonny through the dark streets, like the only glimpse of hope in this perilous and devilish town. He had never seen her smile so genuinely in all the time he was watching her, even when he was making her laugh.

"Y'know, I really don't mind it when you call me Lilium." She said softly. "It sounds so much better when you're the one saying it."

Sonny put his index finger up, yet again. "You have to promise me one thing, Lilium."

"Y-yes?"

"Every morning and night, right when you wake up and before you fall asleep, I want you to look in the mirror," Sonny paused. "and I want you to say, 'I'm beautiful'. You have to look at yourself right in the eye when you say it."

"S-Sonny? R-really?"

"Really really." Sonny felt a boost of confidence go through him. "And if you don't do it, I'll know. I'm watching."

Lilium giggled from the other line. She didn't think he was a freak, not like other people thought he was, and he loved it. Plus, Sonny really adored her laugh.

"Okay." Lilium waved at Sonny. "I have to go. My mother's calling me down for something."

"A talk?"

"Probably. But... we can talk tomorrow."

"Remember, Lilium! 'I'm beautiful'!"

"I know you are." She replied with a smile. "Mother's getting angry. Goodbye, Sonny." Then a click as she hung up.

Sonny felt accomplished, and tonight, he really didn't want to throw anything just to watch it break. Sonny really wanted to hear Lilium's voice again.