Long Way

I sat in the courthouse right next to Mo. My baby was laying asleep in his carrier on the floor in between us, not aware of how nervous I was.

Today was Declan’s sentencing. It could really go either way. My brother, Chad had fingered Declan for the burglaries, but Shawn and Travis had said in their statements that he had never been there. Which was a lie, but no one else really had to know that. As long as there was reasonable doubt.

I looked over at Mo and saw him looking down at Draven. When he saw me looking he smiled and we both stared at the front of the court where Declan was standing with his court appointed lawyer.

The bailiff came out a moment later and told us to rise because the judge was coming in. Mo and I stood together, and watched as he came out and sat down, then told us to do the same.

Declan didn’t look nervous. But then again, Declan never showed much emotion about anything. He was a hard book to read. I looked back down at Draven, and reached into his carrier and rubbed his little arm to make sure he was still sleeping as the judge started to speak.

“Let’s get right to this, shall we, I’ve got a long day,” he started. Martin was sitting on the opposite side of the court as I was.

“In the case of the prosecution vs. Declan Michael DeSoto, with the charges of felony breaking and entering, the court finds you not guilty.” I let out a sigh of relief as the judge continued on.

“My sentence is that you pay the court for it’s time, Mr. DeSoto. A court accountant will set up a payment plan for you if you are unable to pay the full amount. The reason for your sentence is simple, lack of evidence. Some say you were there, others say you weren’t. There is no proven evidence telling me that you were there. I advise that you keep yourself out of company like this, Mr. DeSoto, otherwise you will be back in my courtroom, and the verdict will most likely not prove to be in your favor.”

“Yes, Your Honor,” Declan said quietly. The judge nodded and slammed his gavel down, and we all stood up again as he left the courtroom to prepare for the next case.

Declan turned around and made eye contact with me, then shook hands with his lawyer and came around to where we were.

I picked up the baby carrier and gave him a kiss.

“Thank God that’s over with,” I told him.

“Yeah.” He looked at Mo, who was going to give him a ride back to the garage to finish out the work day.

We walked out of the courthouse together with Mo being the only one to do any talking.

Declan and I have been doing alright. It’s been a month and a half since Draven was born. As a team, we make great parents. Alone, we’re a work in progress. Everything that I do with him comes naturally, while everything that Declan does I can tell is strained. Not saying that there isn’t a natural connection between them, it’s just that Declan has never been a kid person, and the parenting thing didn’t come to him like it did to me.

From a relationship standpoint I feel like we’ve been put on hold though. We’ve spent so much time taking care of the baby that I think we’ve forgotten that we have a relationship that needs serious work. But, by the time everything is done with Draven, we are both so exhausted that we just go to bed and say that we’ll try again tomorrow. It’s been kind of a silent understanding between us.

“What are you doing today?” Declan asked me when we got out to our cars.

“I don’t know. Probably just go home and put him down for a nap.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you when I get out of work.” He leaned down and kissed me, then kissed Draven in his carrier.

“Bye,” he said, getting into the passenger seat of Mo’s truck.

“Bye.”

I got Draven settled into his car seat, then got in and drove in the direction of work.

I called and gave Martin my resignation before Draven was even born, but I still hadn’t been in to collect my things out of my office. Declan probably wouldn’t like me going there, but he didn’t really have an opinion on this. I was going to do it regardless.

When I pulled in I fobbed my way into the underground parking garage, and parked where I always did. The guys in the control room already knew I was here. I waved at the camera as I walked around the car to get Draven out of his car seat. Then I made my way to the elevator, up to the fifth floor.

I thought about going into Martin’s office, but then thought against it and went straight to the supply room to get a box.

The door to my office had been closed, and was completely undisturbed from how I had left it before my maternity leave. I flipped on the lights and set Draven in his carrier down on the floor next to my desk, and set the box on top of the desk.

I had never been one to have a bunch of personal things in my office. There was one picture of Willa when she was a puppy on my desk, but other than that, really nothing. I was mostly here for free office supplies and closure.

I rifled through all the drawers and took a few things that I had wanted. I cleaned out my folders, taking any information that I thought I might need in the future.

As I was leaned over cleaning out a filing cabinet, I felt a darkness move into my doorway. I sat up in my desk chair and saw Martin standing there.

“Hey,” I said to him. He was dressed in the same black pants and black shirt he had been wearing in court. But then again, I was still wearing my court clothes too. I assumed that meant he had just gotten here.

“They said you were here,” he said.

“I had to clean out my desk.”

“Mary would have done that for you.”

“That’s okay. I can do it.” His glance moved to the baby carrier on the floor, and he entered the room to get a closer look.

“So, this is the reason you aren’t coming back,” he said, looking in at Draven.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t blame you. He’s a sharp looking kid. Must get that from his mother.” I smiled.

“Thank you.”

“So, you decided not to go back to work.”

“Yeah.”

“Work here, or just work in general.” I looked down at my desk for a second.

“Declan and I discussed it while I was still pregnant, and we decided that it was just for the best that I didn’t come back.”

“You mean Declan decided.”

“We decided.”

“So you’re gonna get another job somewhere else?”

“Eventually.”

“God, what an idiot.”

“Why is he an idiot?”

“Because he lets you get too close to me.” I glanced at him. His gaze was dark.

“That has a big part to do with this.”

“Oh I’m sure. The only reason that he doesn’t want you here anymore is because he found out that we fucked once upon a time.” My eyes went straight for the door.

“Would you keep your voice down!” I scolded him.

“Nobody’s listening.”

“How do you know?”

“My employees have the good sense not to spy on me.”

“I just think it’s in everyone’s best interest that I’m not here anymore, especially my son’s, since that is my main priority now.” He nodded and I stood up and walked around to his side of the desk.

“You’ll always have a job here. And when the time comes, a glowing work reference.”

“Thank you.” He looked at me directly in my eyes for a few seconds, then grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me to him and kissed me. My hands went to his chest immediately. I didn’t fight him at first, and that’s what scared me. I pushed away from him and put my hand up to my mouth. He stared at me for a minute.

“You just proved to me that I’m making the right decision,” I said to him. He nodded.

“Have a good life, Diana,” he said, then turned and walked out of the office.

I could feel my face burning up. I needed to get out of there. My first thoughts were about Declan and how if he found out about this how made he would be. I grabbed up the last of my things quickly, grabbed Draven, and practically ran out of the building.

I sped home, still upset. When I got there I immediately changed my clothes and put Draven down for his nap. Declan wouldn’t be home from work for a few hours, so I had some time to calm down from what had just happened.

After thinking for a while about what had been said between Martin and I, it was time for Draven to wake up and have a bottle so that it wouldn’t ruin his bed time.

I went into his room and got him up, then came out to the living room to feed him. Willa watched us the whole time, taking her role as guard dog very seriously. At times I thought she was more protective of Draven than Declan and I were.

At about six-thirty, I was sitting on the floor with my back against the couch and my legs spread out in a V in front of me. I had Draven laying on his back on a blanket and was playing with him, when Declan got home from work.

I grabbed Draven’s little hands and made funny faces at him, trying to make him laugh.

“Hey, D,” Declan said to me.

“Hey. How was work?”

“Fine,” he said with a shrug. He leaned down and kissed me, and smiled at Draven.

“What are you doing?” he said to him. “Are you playing with Mama?” He picked him up and gave him a kiss, then laid him back down.

“What did you do today?” he asked me.

“Not much. Dinner’s ready in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

“Okay, you want some?”

“Yes, please.”

He went into the kitchen and I listened as he fixed us both a plate. I was putting Draven into his bouncy seat when he came back in, and we sat together on the couch while we ate our dinner.

Declan got up afterwards and took care of our dishes, and I sat on the floor on my knees in front of Draven playing with him and his toys.

“What is this stuff?” I heard Declan say when he came back in. I looked up and saw him looking through the box of stuff I had brought home from the office. In all of the chaos I must have forgotten to take care of it, and had just set the whole box on the dining room table.

“Stuff from the office,” I said. I had no choice. I couldn’t lie.

“You went to the office?”

“I had to clean out my desk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you went there?”

“I kind of forgot about it, honestly.”

“How do you forget that? I told you I didn’t want you to go back there,” he said, raising his voice a little.

“I was cleaning out my desk, Declan.”

“You took Draven there?”

“Yes, I took Draven there, what else was I supposed to do with him?”

“Dammit, Diana, you know how I feel about that son of a bitch. I don’t want him around my son.”

“He wasn’t around our son!”

“So you’re telling me that you never saw him when you were there?” I looked down at my knees.

“It was not like that, Declan. I promise you.”

“What was it like then, ‘cause I’m dying to know.”

“I was cleaning out my desk and he came in and told me that I would always have a job there, and that he would give me a glowing job reference when the time comes.”

“I bet he will.”

“What the fuck is with this not trusting me all of a sudden, Declan?”

“It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s him. He’s wanted you from the very beginning.”

“And if it wasn’t for you, he probably would have had me a hell of a lot sooner!”

“Congratulations, D, you’ve thrown it in my face that you fucked that loser. Does it make you feel good?”

“You are crazy, you know that? You have taken something, and blown it way out of proportion.”

“How is that, Diana?”

“Jesus Christ, Declan! I was cleaning out my office, not fucking the guy!”

“Yeah, but you wanted to, didn’t you?”

“Is that what you want me to say? That I wanted to fuck Martin, that’s why I went to the office today with my son.”

“I want you to tell me the truth.”

“I went there to clean out my office. Turns out I just proved your point on why I shouldn’t be working there.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“We kissed, Declan! Is that what you’ve been dying to hear me say? He kissed me, and I didn’t push him away until after it was too late.” He reached out and grabbed the first thing that he got his hands on, which just happened to be a vase, and hurled it at the wall, shattering it in a million pieces. Draven started crying immediately, and I dropped to my knees to take care of him, ignoring Declan.

“Shh, it’s alright now, my love,” I said to my baby softly, trying to get him to stop crying. I rocked him gently in my arms, then took him into his room and laid him down in his crib and waited for him to fall asleep.

When he was down, I walked back out to the living room and started to clean up the broken vase. I had no idea where Declan was. But I was in such a blind rage he could have been standing right next to me and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Once I was sure that there was no more broken glass on the floor for Draven and Willa to get into, I went off to find Declan to finish this fight.

He wasn’t in our room or outside. I checked the basement and didn’t find him there either. When I came back upstairs I heard his voice on the baby monitor. I went to the bedroom door and stood there while he quietly talked to Draven.

“I’m sorry, little man. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I made you cry. And I’m sorry for making your mama cry for all these years too. It’s my own fault that this has happened. Not yours, or hers, so don’t ever even think that,” he paused for a second. “I love you.”

I shifted from one foot to another and he heard it, and looked over his shoulder at me. He stood up and rubbed his hand over Draven’s hair, then he followed me out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Dec-” I started.

“I don’t wanna talk right now. I need to go get some air.”

“OK.” He kissed me on the forehead, then walked past me out the door.

I stood by the back door and watched him get into his truck and drive away.

In my heart of hearts I already knew the truth.

He was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.