Won't Stop Holding On

Jack parked his car outside Rian’s doctor’s surgery, smiling weakly at Alex in the passenger seat. After having a blood test to confirm the pregnancy last week (Alex was indeed pregnant) which Jack and Zack came to too because John was out of town, Jack was now taking Alex to the first ultrasound…because John hadn’t made any attempt to contact Alex since he got back into town. Zack would’ve come today too, but Rose had reached her 6 month birthday and decided that she’d start teething, causing Zack a lot of stress and many sleepless nights.

Jack didn’t mind driving Alex, he loved babies and babies loved him. It was the only true excuse he actually had for hanging around Rian at work really.

“So…excited for your first scan?” Jack grinned, cutting the engine.

“I’d be more excited if the father of my fucking child actually acknowledged that he impregnated me,” Alex grunted.

Ah.

“John will come around. You’ll see,” Jack reassured.

“I don’t give a fuck what he does. He’s made it clear that he’s not interested now I have a bun in the oven, so he can go fuck himself,” Alex shrugged.

Despite the apparent indifference, Jack could see that Alex’s eyes held a lot of hurt. Even betrayal. John’s absence was affecting him more than he let on.

“Alright, if you say so. Let’s get inside, yeah?” Jack suggested.

Alex clenched his teeth but nodded, the two of them getting out the car and walking inside.

“Appointment for Alex fucking Gaskarth,” Alex grumbled.

The receptionist, who Jack was now on first name terms with, Clarissa raised her eyebrows in surprise at his tone, but Jack just smiled reassuringly. He was here for support and to keep the peace, after all.

“If you take a seat, Doctor Dawson will be right out with you,” Clarissa beamed.

Alex just nodded and stomped over to a seat.

“Is he okay, Jack?” Clarissa asked.

“Baby Daddy issues,” Jack murmured.

“Oh I’ll keep that in mind,” Clarissa winked.

Jack chuckled softly and walked over to Alex, sitting down next to him. Alex stayed silent with his arms folded over his chest for the entire time he waited, only moving when his name was called.

“You’re coming in too,” Alex muttered.

Jack laughed softly and followed Alex into the ultrasound room, Rian smiling at them instantly. Then he saw Alex’s scowl and his smile lessened.

“So…ready to see your baby?” Rian asked cheerfully.

“As I’m ever fucking going to be,” Alex muttered.

“Hey, don’t take this out on your kid,” Jack murmured softly.

It wasn’t the baby’s fault that one of its dad’s was a jackass.

“Sorry. Yeah, I’m ready,” Alex nodded.

Rian glanced at Jack, a little worried, but Jack just mouthed ‘tell you later’. Rian nodded and picked up the wand and the gel.

“If you lift your shirt for me, Alex,” Rian said.

Alex nodded. He knew the routine. He’d seen Zack’s ultrasounds plenty of times. Rian spread the goo across Alex’s stomach, before focussing on a certain spot with the wand. Then Rian’s eyebrows shot upwards.

“Wow,” Rian gasped.

“What?!” Alex panicked.

“Nothing, nothing, you’re, uh…” Rian trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’m what?!” Alex exasperated.

Rian swallowed heavily, confusing Jack a bit. What was so bad?

“You’re carrying twins,” Rian said with a weak smile.

Oh. Now Jack got it. One baby without John was one thing, but two? Yikes.

“You’re shitting me,” Alex said dead-pan.

“No, I’m not. See here, you can see the two separate foetuses. By the looks of things, they’re about 4/5 weeks along,” Rian said, pointing out that yes, there were in fact two bodies forming.

“Holy shit,” Alex groaned.

“I’ve always wanted to see twin babies,” Jack offered, smiling hopefully.

“Can…can you give me some space for a second?” Alex asked softly.

“Yeah, sure. Take all the time you need to process this,” Rian nodded.

Rian filled a plastic cup with cold water and gave it to Alex, before tugging Jack out of the room with him.

“Shit. Twins,” Jack groaned as soon as the door was shut.

“What’s going on with John and Alex?” Rian asked bluntly.

“He’s, um…he’s pretty much abandoned Alex,” Jack said awkwardly.

“What?” Rian asked, confused.

“When Alex told John he was pregnant, John left the apartment and didn’t come back that night. Alex phoned me in the morning to ask if he could stay at mine because he didn’t want to be around John if John was going to act like this, so he’s been staying at mine for two weeks,” Jack explained.

“I know John was out of state visiting his family for a week, but I didn’t know it was because of this,” Rian said worriedly.

“Mm, he hasn’t contacted Alex at all since he’s been back either. I know Alex says he doesn’t give a shit about how John’s acting and how John can do whatever the fuck he wants, but I can see the hurt in his eyes when he thinks I’m not looking, and I know he cried himself to sleep the first night he stayed at mine. And now that he knows he’s carrying twins? It’s just going to make everything worse,” Jack said sadly, “I’m really worried about him,”

“You really care, don’t you?” Rian said softly.

Jack frowned. Was it really that much of a surprise?

“Of course I do, he’s one of my best friends. And no-one deserves to get abandoned when they’re pregnant. Children are important to me, Rian. Fuck, they should be important to everyone. For someone that sits on his ass all day talking and listening to people, John sure is one hell of a bad communicator in his own life. Alex is so fucking scared right now and John should be here to help him but he isn’t and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it,” Jack ranted.

Rian stayed silent for a couple of seconds, thinking hard.

“I’ll talk to John,” he eventually said.

“I don’t know if that’ll help,” Jack sighed.

“I got Matt to talk to Zack when Zack thought Matt was cheating on him, didn’t I?” Rian replied, raising an eyebrow.

Well, yeah, maybe Rian had a point.

“Just…if you hear from him, please let me know? I don’t want Alex to suffer, especially if he’s got two more lives to think about,” Jack pleaded.

“Of course, I’ll call you as soon as I know anything,” Rian nodded.

He’d call him. Well that was a nice thing to hear, especially from someone who wanted nothing to do with him. Jack’s happy thoughts were interrupted by Alex stepping out of the room.

“If we don’t leave now, I’m going to throw up,” Alex muttered.

“Okay, sure,” Jack mused.

Jack definitely didn’t want vomit in his car, thank you very much.

“I’ll set up the next appointment and text you the details. And I’ll drop the scans off at your apartment,” Rian told Jack.

Jack knew he shouldn’t be so happy about Rian promising to text and come by the apartment because it was only because of Alex and the twins, but he couldn’t care less. He would be seeing and communicating with Rian outside of the doctor’s office, and he was stoked!

“That’s great, thanks,” Jack beamed, Alex just nodding.

Then Rian leant forward, towards Jack.

“I’ll talk to John, I promise,” he murmured in Jack’s ear.

Jack felt his skin tingle all over from the feeling of Rian’s warm breath on his neck, and all he could manage was a deep blush and a nod. Rian noticed this and cleared his throat awkwardly before walking back into his office.

“Any day now, Jack,” Alex grunted.

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Jack mumbled, grinning though.

Alex rolled his eyes but smiled lightly. The two of them walked back down to Jack’s gas-guzzling Escalade and got in, Jack starting the engine and driving away quickly. He could just tell that Alex didn’t want to be around here any longer. Then Alex pulled his phone out angrily, worrying Jack a little.

“Who are you calling?” Jack frowned.

“John,” Alex muttered.

Ah. Jack didn’t say anything as Alex held his phone to his ear, wincing as Alex cursed under his breath. Clearly John hasn’t answered. Again.

“Hey asshole, pick up your fucking phone and call me back. We’re having twins. Congratu-fucking-lations, dad of the fucking year,”

Alex snapped his phone shut with more anger than Jack had ever seen that action done, shoving his phone back in his pocket. Then he burst into tears. Oh shit.

“Don’t cry, darling,” Jack pleaded.

“How can I not? I’ve got two of these things growing inside me, how the fuck can I not cry? Especially when John doesn’t want to fucking know,” Alex whined pathetically.

“John will come around,” Jack reassured.

“He really fucking won’t. You didn’t see the look on his face when I told him. You didn’t see him ramble a load of half-finished sentences and then walk out of his apartment. He left me on my own that night and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stick around in his apartment to find out whether he was going to leave me on my own for good,” Alex sniffed.

“Well, that’s why you’re sleeping in my guest room for now. Maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea to sell your house so quickly after moving in with him, but at least you still have my guest room,” Jack said weakly.

“But what if I don’t have my own place by the time the twins come? I can’t put that kind of pressure on you, Jack! I should be living on my own, if not with the father for that! John should be involved with this, and he isn’t, and I don’t know what I’m going to fucking do,” Alex rambled.

This was definitely the most Alex has ever spoken to Jack about his emotions. Wow.

“Yes, twins will be a bit harder, but even if John doesn’t man up and call you, you’ll still have me, Alex, Matt and Rian – you’re not alone, Alex. And it’s not pressure on me, I love kids, you know this,” Jack promised.

“Yeah, I know. You’re the best, Jack,” Alex nodded, offering Jack a weak smile.

Jack just smiled back and squeezed his shoulder, handing him a Kleenex out the glove compartment to dry his tears. Of course Jack was the best. He just wished Rian could see that. They got back to Jack’s apartment pretty quickly, and as soon as Jack shut the door, Alex looked like he was going to cry again.

“Do you want anything to eat? Maybe we could watch a movie or something, to keep your mind off things?” Jack offered.

“I think I’m just going to take a nap. Thanks though, Jack,” Alex mumbled.

Jack’s smile dropped a little bit, but he nodded.

“Sure thing. I’ll be in front of the TV if you need anything at all, okay?” Jack told him.

Alex nodded sadly and hugged his lanky friend quickly, before leaving for the guest bedroom. As soon as Alex shut the door, Jack sighed.

Alone. Again. As always.

*

Jack moaned even louder as Rian’s lips attached to his nipple, his tongue swirling liberally, his teeth torturing. He bucked his bare hips against Rian’s, his head swimming with pleasure as their erections brushed, grinding just enough to make sparks shoot through his veins.

“F-Fuck, Rian. M-More,” Jack gasped.

Rian stopped his torturous actions and lifted his head to look up at Jack.

“More?” Rian asked, his voice a deep husk.

Jack just moaned helplessly, nodding, his eyes begging for anything and everything Rian would give him. Rian just grinned and travelled slowly down Jack’s body, his lips leaving a trail of hot open-mouthed kisses, all the way down to the base of Jack’s dick.

“Please! Pl-Please Rian!” Jack cried out.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Jack sat upright in shock, panting and sweating, his mind slightly disorientated. What had woken him up?

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Oh, the front door. Why the fuck didn’t they press the doorbell? Jack groaned and looked down, before groaning again. Hard and straining against his boxers. Of course. And just when he was getting to the good part. Fuck, he hadn’t got laid in so long, it was actually getting painful now. Still, he couldn’t think about anyone but Rian, so why bother with anyone else?

“Just a minute!” Jack yelled.

Jack’s eyes searched around desperately for something to cover his tented crotch, finally deciding on just holding a pile of laundry in front of his dick. That would have to do. Jack hobbled to the front door, opening it to see Zack with Alex. What the fuck?!

“Dude, don’t tell me you forgot about the final wedding suit fitting today? There’s only two weeks to go!” Zack mused.

“Uh, no, just overslept,” Jack grunted.

Alex raised an eyebrow at Jack, taking in his sweaty, agitated form, and then the pile of laundry…before he started laughing. Zack frowned in confusion, before grimacing when he realised what Jack meant.

“Oh, gross, seriously Jack?!” Zack said, making a face.

“What? I haven’t slept with anyone since I first met Rian – I’ve got to let out the sexual frustration somehow,” Jack defended.

Both Zack and Alex’s jaws dropped. What?

“You haven’t slept with anyone since you first met Rian?” Zack choked.

“Well…no. I haven’t been attracted to anyone else,” Jack shrugged.

“Wow. I wouldn’t have guessed that,” Alex said, surprised.

“My bet is Rian wouldn’t either,” Zack nodded, eyes wide.

“What are you saying?” Jack frowned.

“Nothing, come on, we’ve going to be late if we don’t leave now,” Zack ordered.

“Can I get dressed first?” Jack asked sheepishly.

Half an hour later, Zack pulled up outside the tailor’s shop, quickly walking inside with Jack and Alex behind him. Jack felt a little bad when he saw that Matt was already there with Matt and John, Rose crawling about on the floor. Oh yeah, Rose could now crawl, and was driving Zack and Matt mad. She could be out of sight before they could even blink, proven now with how one of the shop assistants was chasing after her.

Jack hoped they hadn’t been waiting long.

“Hey, sorry we’re late,” Zack apologised, pecking a kiss to Matt’s lips.

Jack moved out the way when he saw John walking over to Alex, his eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise when John firmly kissed Alex square on the lips. Although Rian had texted the day after Alex had found out about the twins to say that he’d spoken to John, another two weeks had passed and John hadn’t contacted Alex still – so for this kiss to happen? A little strange. Alex broke the kiss with a scowl and punched John firmly in the stomach, making everyone laugh as John doubled over in pain, before Alex grinned and pulled John’s lips back to his own, kissing him eagerly.

Well, at least they’d made up in their own twisted little way. Jack looked over at Rian and mouthed ‘thank you’, to which Rian just shrugged and smiled back. He had said he would talk to John, after all. Jack felt butterflies kick off in his stomach at the sight of Rian’s perfect smile and he blushed.

Unfortunately, Zack saw the blush and grinned.

“More dirty thoughts about Rian?” he murmured in Zack’s ear.

“No, fuck off! He just smiled at me!” Jack squeaked quietly.

“You’re so adorable, Barakat,” Zack snickered.

Jack blushed a little bit more, this time it was noticeable to Matt too.

“Why is Jack blushing?” Matt murmured in Rian’s ear.

“Why would I know?” Rian shrugged.

This was only a slight lie. Rian knew Jack had blushed after he smiled at him, he just didn’t understand why his smile had done that.

“Because you’re the only thing he blushes about?” Matt mused.

“It’s nothing,” Rian said calmly.

Matt raised an eyebrow and was about to retort, when the shop assistants came out of the dressing rooms, having allocated the various stalls to different suits.

“Go try on your suit,” Rian said to Matt, motioning him to walk.

Matt narrowed his eyes at Rian, as if to say this isn’t over, but left. Rian noticed then that Jack and Alex had gone in to try on theirs too. Zack and Matt had finally come to a compromise about the suit colours. Zack and Zack’s groomsmen would wear steel grey suits, with Zack wearing a black tie and Alex and Jack wearing a grey tie, while Matt and Matt’s groomsmen would wear black suits, with Matt wearing a grey tie and John and Rian wearing a black tie. This was to show the difference in the wedding parties, while still having the colours each of them wanted. It had also been decided that Alex would have a paternity suit because he could grow a lot in the two weeks before the wedding, due to him having twins rather than just one baby. Alex was not happy about this in the slightest, but there was nothing he could do about it now.

Rian was just happy that John had listened to his advice. Sure, it probably would’ve been better if John had actually said one of the speeches he’d been working on since Rian confronted him, but Rian supposed a firm kiss showed his feelings just as well too.

“Alright, we’re ready!” Alex called out.

Rian broke out of his thoughts as Alex, Jack and Matt walked out of dressing rooms, his eyes immediately falling on Jack. Fuck, Jack looks good in a tux. Like, really good. Like, tear-it-off-with-his-teeth good. That steel grey colour really complimented his skin tone.

Then Rian realised what he was thinking and immediately scolded himself. This was Jack freaking Barakat, the man that sleeps with anything and everything just because he can. Jack would never look for anything more than to fuck and forget, and Rian had to remember that.

Rian knew Jack would never change for him, so why bother to acknowledge his attraction to the younger man? This was the safest bet, right?

*

There’s nothing like a morning run, is there? Jack went on a run every morning, just a couple of blocks and back, just to get the adrenaline and endorphins pumping around his body. This was what Jack was coming back from when he saw Alex’s car parked in front of his apartment building, with Alex pacing frantically back and forth next to it. Jack pulled his iPod out of his ears and carefully approached the irritated boy.

“Uh, hi Alex?” Jack offered.

“Oh my fucking God! Where have you…oh, running…that explains why you’re not answering your phone,” Alex sighed.

“Yeah, um, what’s up?” Jack asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“Zack’s freaking out because we forgot to order a wedding cake and there’s only a week to go! I don’t know what to do so I was wondering if you had any ideas?” Alex asked desperately.

Jack frowned, thinking hard.

“Wedding cakes…wedding cakes…huh, well I know a guy that runs a bakery downtown, I don’t know if he does wedding cakes, but I can call him?” Jack offered.

“Can you call him now?” Alex asked.

Jack rolled his eyes but nodded, motioning Alex to follow him into his apartment. Alex had obviously moved back in with John again, but he still knew the layout of the building, and the door staff still recognised him.

“Alright, I’ll call the guy if you can make me something to eat – I haven’t eaten breakfast yet and I’m starving,” Jack said.

“Of course,” Alex nodded, thankful that Jack actually knew someone that might help.

Jack walked into his bedroom and picked up his phone from the side, deleting all of Alex’s missed calls. He then scrolled down his contacts, stopping at a name he hadn’t called in a while. Evan Kirkendall. The cute baker who Jack used to fuck when he first moved to the city. Jack had actually funded the money for the guy to set up his bakery, and Evan had always said he was indebted to Jack. Jack just hoped he could settle that debt now, even after all these years.

“H-Hello?”

Whoops, Jack had woken him up.

“Evan?” Jack asked.

“Uh, yeah?” the familiar voice asked, confused.

“I don’t know if you remember me, but it’s Jack Barakat?” Jack said.

“O-Oh my God! Jack! I could never forget you! How are you?” Evan asked happily.

“I’m actually in a bit of a situation with my best friend’s wedding. I was wondering if you do wedding cakes?” Jack asked hopefully.

“Wow, um, we haven’t done one in a while, but we have all the tiers and moulds and stuff,” Evan said.

“Brilliant! Uh, here’s the catch – I need it done in a week,” Jack winced.

“A week?!” Evan exasperated.

“I’ll pay you double what the groom does,” Jack offered.

“Shit, um, a week is cutting it fine, Jack. But…I guess I could do it? For you?” Evan said shyly.

Jack grimaced slightly. Now he remembered why he stopped seeing Evan – the boy was far too clingy. But Jack needed to do this. For Zack.

“Can we come by today?” Jack asked.

“Uh, I guess so. Is 11 okay?” Evan suggested.

“Perfect. I’ll see you later, Ev,” Jack nodded.

“S-See you later, Jack,” Evan said happily.

Jack groaned and ended the call.

“What’s wrong? Can’t he do it?” Alex asked worriedly, walking into the room.

“No, no, he can. We just can’t go into the bakery until 11, that’s all,” Jack lied.

“Shit, I think Zack will be ecstatic that we’ve got a baker at all, never mind the time,” Alex chuckled.

Jack just nodded.

“I made you a three cheese omelette, I hope that’s alright. I’d better go and calm Zack down and make sure everyone’s free for at least 2 hours around 11. See you later, Jack!” Alex grinned.

Jack got to the bakery at quarter to 11. He needed to talk to Evan, to make sure the guy didn’t let anyone else know about their…past. Especially not Rian. That would be the worst, Rian knowing that Jack called in an old fuck to help them out.

“Jack? Oh my gosh, it’s been so long!” Evan grinned, walking towards him.

Jack opened his arms in a hug. A hug couldn’t hurt, right?

“Hey Ev, um, I got here a little early because I need to ask you not to tell anyone about what we used to have,” Jack said bluntly, after stepping out of Evan's arms..

“Oh, okay. Why?” Evan asked, confused.

“Because I…”

Jack trailed off, sighing slightly. He might as well just admit it.

“I like one of the guys that are coming today and I really don’t want to ruin my chances. You understand, don’t you?” Jack asked hopefully.

Evan’s smile fell slightly, but he nodded.

“I should’ve known you weren’t interested in me again,” Evan said softly.

“Hey, Ev, what we had was good back then, but…we’ve grown up now, haven’t we? We’ve got our own separate lives and that’s good, right? I don’t want to ruin the good memories,” Jack pouted.

“They were good, weren’t they? I just…I always thought because you invested in the bakery so much to get it started, that you’d invest time with me too, if that makes any sense,” Evan said sadly.

“I know you did, and I’m sorry for that. I’m not sorry for helping you, but I am sorry that we didn’t stay in touch. This doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it?” Jack frowned.

Evan bit his bottom lip, but nodded.

“Friends. I’d like that,” Evan smiled.

“Good,” Jack said, breathing a soft sigh of relief.

Disaster averted. He hoped. Not long after, the wedding party arrived, Zack walking in followed by Matt holding Rose, Alex and John hand-in-hand and Rian behind them. Fuck Rian looked good today. No, not the time.

“Hi, you must be Evan,” Zack grinned.

“That’s right, Evan Kirkendall, owner and head baker,” Evan nodded, shaking Zack’s hand.

“We can’t thank you enough for doing this on such short notice,” Matt said appreciatively, shaking Evan's hand too.

“It’s no problem. I’m happy to help out any friends of Jack,” Evan smiled.

Jack kept the smile plastered onto his face. Don’t fuck this up, Evan! Alex gave him a strange look, but Jack just smiled back. No-one needs to know.

“Okay, we’ve prepared a whole range of cakes for you, if you’re ready to start?” Evan announced.

Vanilla with chocolate icing? No from Zack.
Chocolate with vanilla icing? No from Zack.
Fruit cake with marzipan icing? No from Zack.
Marble swirl sponge and vanilla icing? No from Zack.
Chocolate with chocolate? No from Zack.

Even Matt was starting to get irritated. Evan kept going though, trying different combinations. This one was strawberry sponge with vanilla icing, a bit different. Everyone took their forkfuls, tasting the combination, Jack just scooping the icing off his fork with his finger. He noticed that Rian was looking at him so he slowly sucked the icing off his finger, releasing it with a pop. Rian blushed deeply, looking away with mortified eyes, only making Jack snicker. That was far too easy.

“I saw that, Barakat. You’re disgusting,” John hissed in his ear.

Whoops.

“Rian liked it,” Jack whispered, shrugging.

“Jack, he’s not interested. Just give up!” John hissed.

Jack just shook his head, grinning.

Rian Dawson would be his, whether he liked it or not

“I like this one,” Zack finally said.

“Hallelujah,” Matt groaned.

Zack punched him in the arm before tickling Rose’s sides, making her shriek with laughter.

“Thank you, we’ll take this one, with the figurine we picked out for the top,” Matt said gratefully to Evan.

“I’ll go and put the order in,” Evan nodded.

As soon as Evan had walked out the back, Alex turned to John.

“We’re leaving. Now,” Alex said firmly.

“Why?” John frowned.

Alex brazenly cupped John crotch and squeezed, making John groan. Well, it looked like the twins had kicked in Alex's sex drive.

“Okay, okay, release my dick, I need it to fuck you,” John choked.

Alex smirked and practically dragged John out of the shop, making everyone laugh.

“We’ll stay to pay, but you guys can leave if you want,” Zack offered.

Rian nodded, so Jack followed him outside.

“Well Zack took long enough to choose a cake he liked,” Rian chuckled.

“I thought it would never end. Not that I’m complaining about eating cake, but still,” Jack mused.

“It was nice of you to do that last minute,” Rian smiled.

“Well that’s just the kind of guy I am, I’ll do anything for the people I care about,” Jack shrugged.

Rian rolls his eyes and starts to walk away, only making Jack groan in frustration.

“I wasn’t even flirting! I was being serious!” Jack exasperated.

Why did Rian have to take everything the wrong way?! Jack stared incredulously as Rian got into his car and drove off. That was uncalled for. Jack yelled out angrily and kicked a trash can in frustration. He really wasn’t even flirting!

“Is everything okay?”

Jack turned his head to see Matt frowning, Zack standing behind him with Rose on his hip.

“Everything’s fucking fine,” Jack grumbled, “I’ll see you later,”

“Alright, if you say so. Thank you for this, Jack. We really appreciate it,” Matt smiled.

“Sure thing. No problem. Glad I can make someone happy,” Jack muttered.

Matt and Zack just frowned at each other as Jack stormed towards his car.

“What do you think happened?” Matt asked.

“I don’t know but I can bet you it was something to do with Rian,” Zack sighed.

*

Today was the day. The big day. The day Matt and Zack were getting married. Seeing as Zack refused point blank to walk down the aisle like a bride would, both grooms and groomsmen would walk in from the sides, because there were two doors parallel with the alter. Alex and Jack were in charge of getting Zack ready, while John and Rian were in charge of getting Matt ready. Matt’s group also had Rose with them.

Why was Jack stressing?

Well, they’d been getting ready in their side rooms for two hours now, and to start with Alex was complaining about how much he hated the paternity suit, because his stomach was starting to bulge now the twins were 3 months old. No bulging much, but enough for Alex to notice and whine over. Then as soon as Alex was in his suit, he started throwing up in the adjoining bathroom, thanks to morning sickness. Alex was still throwing up intermittently now. What made everything worse was that Zack was starting to freak out.

Am I doing the right thing?
Are we rushing the wedding?
What if this is a big mistake?
What if Matt decides he doesn’t want me?
What if we get divorced in less than a year?
What if he stands me up at the alter?

Jack was at the end of his tether. There was only one thing he could think of to do, and that was to get Rose. Rose’s presence could calm down Zack, right? And her presence might be able to calm down the twins in Alex’s stomach so he wouldn’t throw up any more. This could work right?

“Don’t move anywhere. I’ll be back and I’ll know if you’ve moved,” Jack ordered Zack.

“But…”

“No,” Jack interrupted.

And then he left the room. Jack jogged round to the room where Matt was getting ready, and knocked rapidly on the door. John answered.

“Jack?” he frowned.

“No time to explain,” Jack hissed, “Zack’s getting cold feet so I need Rose to come with me to calm him down. Do not tell Matt,”

John’s eyes widened and he quickly disappeared. He heard Matt’s voice vaguely asking what was going on, before John reappeared at the door, Rose in his arms in a pretty lilac flower girl dress.

“Ba ba ba!” Rose shrieked happily.

“Yes, that’s right, it’s your Uncle Jack!” Jack said just as happily.

“I hope this works,” John whispered.

“It better fucking do,” Jack sighed.

“Language,” John scowled.

“Fuck you, you’re not the one dealing with Alex constantly throwing up,” Jack shot back.

John’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to reply, but Jack was already jogging down the corridor, Rose laughing and shrieking in his arms. Jack opened Zack’s room without knocking.

“Jack, where did you…ROSE!” Zack said happily.

“Ba!” Rose replied, throwing her arms wide.

Zack sighed contentedly as he took Rose from Jack, sitting down in the corner to gurgle back to his daughter. One problem down. Now, how to get Alex to stop throwing up…

*

“I know pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss your beloved,” the priest announced.

Zack and Matt grinned at each other, before Matt leant forward and pressed his lips softly to Zack’s. Everyone cheered and applauded, a few people wiping tears from their eyes, Jack included. The ceremony was beautiful, it really was. And Jack had never seen Zack smile so much, or so widely. When Matt broke the kiss, he turned to face the congregation.

“We’ll see you all at the reception!” he called out cheerfully.

Zack grinned and waved to Rose, who was in Jack’s arms, before he and Matt walked down the aisle hand-in-hand. Jack shifted Rose on his hip, her fists moving to clutch at Jack’s shirt.

“John told me what you did earlier,” Rian said, appearing at Jack’s side.

“Huh?” Jack asked, confused.

“He told me you got Rose to calm Zack down from his cold feet. That was a really smart thing to do,” Rian said.

“I figured she would do the trick. I’m not completely stupid,” Jack shrugged.

Rian frowned.

“I never said you were stupid,” Rian said softly.

“No, but you never needed to, the looks were there on your face,” Jack mumbled.

Rian fell silent, a slight blush on his cheeks. Jack sighed and motioned for Alex to follow him. The two of them were riding with Rose to the reception, so they needed to leave now. Fuck knows Jack didn’t want to be around Rian now he’d blurted that out.

*

The reception was nearly half-way through, the food part of it almost over. Rian was sitting at the head table with Jack (unfortunately), Alex, John, Rose, Zack and Matt, seeing as he was one of the groomsmen, on the table right next to Alex’s parents who Rian had met and came to the conclusion that Alex was definitely adopted because they were so nice. To avoid Jack’s awkward staring (especially after what he blurted in church) Rian had put all his attention on Rose, cutting up her food for her into small bitesize chunks now that she had progressed enough in her development to eat finger food. Rian knew Matt was grateful for him looking after Rose, because it meant that Zack wasn’t worrying if their daughter was okay. Whatever helped him avoid Jack.

When the food was cleared away, it was time for speeches. Alex went first.

“Good evening everyone, and welcome to Matt and Zack’s reception. I’m Alex, Zack’s best man, and I’ve known Zack for just about 10 years now. I could tell you about the time that Zack got so drunk that Jack and I convinced him that Santa Claus was real. I could tell you about the time that I caught Zack watching Hannah Montana because ‘the tunes are catchy’. Or I could tell you how Zack got so freaked out at a gory horror movie in the cinema once that he threw up all over the little kid in front of him. But instead, I thought I’d tell you about Zack and Matt’s relationship, from my side of the story,”

Rian saw Matt stiffen slightly in fear out the corner of his eyes and smiled. Like Alex would ever ruin the happiness of Zack’s wedding day by being rude about Matt.

“I first met Zack in freshman year of high school. He was a quiet, shy, skinny little thing, and I immediately felt the urge to protect him from all the evils of the world. Not much has changed now, except that Zack got an addiction to the gym and discovered he had an allergy to shirts,”

Alex paused slightly for laughter, which came readily along with Zack’s blush.

“Not many of you know about Zack’s childhood and I wouldn’t expect you to, but by the age of 15 he was living in my spare bedroom, my parents pretty much adopting him as another son, me adopting him as a brother. Because that’s what we are; brothers. Blood doesn’t always have to classify family – we grew up through difficult teenage years together, both of us realising our flaming sexualities not long after meeting. No, Zack’s never tapped this ass, but I can bet you Matt’s Jaguar that he wants to,”

Alex winked dramatically at Zack, making him laugh and squeeze Matt’s hand reassuringly.

“We have shared so many memories through the years, memories that no-one but faux-siblings could. I was the only person that Zack had, and he was the only person I had. This all changed when Zack turned 17, decided to be rebellious and went out one night without me,”

Alex cleared his throat, smiling a little at Matt.

“When Zack came home at 4 in the morning from a bar he’d snuck into and told me that a 21 year old pierced and tattooed college guy was interested in him, I immediately thought the worst. Well, wouldn’t you? But when Zack wouldn’t stop talking about this amazing, wonderful and sexy Matt, I realised he was serious, serious in a way I had never seen him before,”

Rian gritted his teeth slightly at this. He remembered the night in their 3rd year of college that Matt told him they couldn’t mess around anymore because he’d met someone he really saw a future with. Obviously Rian was way over it now, but at the time it had hurt. It had hurt badly.

“The first time I met Matt I was determined not to like him. He was, after all, stealing the attention of my best friend. Five seconds into meeting Matt, I realised that he wasn’t what I was expecting. He was an old-fashioned prude who thought that classical music trumped punk rock, and he was as stubborn as fuck,”

Matt stuck his tongue out at Alex, only making him laugh.

“The only thing that really persuaded me to give Matt a chance was that he waited until Zack was 18 to take him on his first date, to make sure it was ‘proper’. He was a gentleman and I know how rare those are, especially for someone as shy as Zack. I remember how nervous Zack was, worrying that his hair was bad or that his clothes weren’t appropriate, but he came home with a wide grin on his face and wouldn’t stop talking about how much of a charmer Matt was. Of course he’d made an ass of himself by spilling his drink and dropping food on the floor, but it was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Matt being Matt waited for another year to ask him out officially, which I could’ve killed him for because Zack was beginning to think that Matt didn’t like him as much as he thought, but as soon as Matt made the big romantic gesture of having a choir surround Zack at college and sing a love song before Matt asked him to be his boyfriend, I knew that Matt was the one,”

Zack and Matt grinned at each other.

“Matt and I have had our differences. Okay, we still have our differences, but my point is that no matter what, I know he’ll treat Zack right. Well, if he doesn’t I’ll kick his ass and he knows that. I still think Matt is an uptight old-fashioned prude. Matt still thinks that I’m a bad influence on Zack. And I’m pretty sure we’re never going to be best buddies. But Zack loves Matt and Matt loves Zack, and that’s all that matters to me. In fact, I’ve never seen people more in love than they are. They have an amazing relationship, a beautiful daughter, and a loving home. I wish them all the happiness in the world, now and forever,”

Alex smiled at Zack, who had tears in his eyes along with a smile back.

“If you would all raise your glasses in a toast to the happy couple. May your love be modern enough to service the times and old-fashioned enough to last forever. To Matt and Zack!”

Everyone cheered and drank.

“I believe the father of my unborn twins is doing the next speech. John?” Alex announced, looking at his boyfriend.

Rian saw a few mouths drop and a few whispers. Well, that was a subtle way to announce his pregnancy to their family and friends. Alex’s parents especially looked shocked. John blushed a little but stood up and cleared his throat.

“Uh, thanks for that, Alex. Lovely speech…”

*

Rian was a little buzzed. Not much mind you, he is a Doctor after all and has a reputation to uphold, but enough to feel that glorious warm sensation in his blood. The tables had been cleared away, the chairs moved to outline the room for anyone who didn’t want to dance, and those who did want to dance were in the middle of the floor, swaying to the music of the local indie band Alex had found. Matt and Zack were leaving for their honeymoon straight after the reception ended, so they were holding Rose between them as they danced, making up for the time with her that they’d lose on their two week vacation to a 5 star honeymoon resort in Mauritius. Alex and John were looking after Rose for the two weeks, to give them at least a little preparation for when Alex would give birth to the twins in 6 months time.

Everyone was having a great time. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was happy and celebrating the marriage of two people that truly loved each other. Except…

Jack.

As Rian got a new beer from the bar, he noticed that Jack was extremely drunk, far more so than he, swaying heavily and struggling to walk straight. No-one else was paying any attention to Jack, but Jack seemed more than happy just talking to himself. Rian was tempted to just ignore the lanky man too – until Jack stumbled over his own feet and nearly fell in Matt’s grandma. Rian’s natural instinct to help people flared up and he abandoned his drink to quickly walk over to Jack.

“I am so sorry. Are you okay?” Rian asked Matt’s grandma, sliding his arm around Jack’s waist to hold him upright.

“Yes, I’m fine,” the old lady said snootily.

Well, Rian could’ve not helped, she should at least be a little grateful!

“Get off me, I don’t need help from someone who doesn’t care,” Jack slurred.

Rian sighed and practically dragged Jack out of the reception hall. There was no way he was leaving Jack to cause any more havoc. Matt had hired out the ‘grand ballroom’ of a fancy hotel, and had rented out rooms for his family and both wedding parties, meaning Jack had his own room, which was definitely a good idea, seeing as Jack would most likely be waking up in a pool of his own vomit. Jack kept mumbling protests as Rian pulled him into an elevator, pressing the number for their floor.

The ride up was silent, apart from Jack breathing heavily against Rian’s skin where his head was resting on Rian’s shoulder. Rian almost wished he hadn’t had that fourth beer, because the heat of Jack’s breath was starting to feel really nice. Fuck, he needed to get Jack into his room fast, before he did something stupid.

“Where’s your room key, Jack?” Rian asked, as he dragged him out the elevator.

“In the pocket of my pants,” Jack grinned.

Great. Rian rolled his eyes and put his free hand in Jack’s front pocket, ignoring how Jack thrusted against his leg. Come on, where’s the damn key?! Rian eventually found it and pulled Jack down the corridor, resting him against the wall as he opened the door.

“Here you go…JACK!”

Rian sprung backwards as he saw Jack palming himself through his suit pants. What the fuck?!

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Rian yelped.

“What does it look like?” Jack shrugged, smirking slightly.

Rian swallowed heavily as Jack moaned softly.

“Well why the fuck are you doing it right now and next to me?” Rian whimpered.

“Because I want to show you what you’re missing,” Jack purred.

Rian didn’t have time to be confused before Jack pushed him into his room, locking the door behind him. Rian opened his mouth to protest, but his mouth went dry at the pure lust in Jack’s eyes. Rian gasped softly as Jack’s hands cupped his face, gasping again as Jack lightly pressed their lips together, kissing the older man slowly. Fuck, he wasn’t expecting Jack to be gentle. Fuck, Jack’s lips are soft, like the perfect combination of soft and moist. And fuck, he’s a good kisser. Rian started to kiss back, when he remembered whose lips they were and shoved Jack backwards.

“No, Jack. You’re crossing the fucking line,” Rian said angrily.

“Why do you hate me?” Jack asked sadly, his eyes remarkably clear for someone as inebriated as he was.

Rian winced. He wasn’t expecting that question.

“I don’t hate you, Jack. I just think you’re incredibly inconsiderate and immature,” Rian shrugged.

What? It’s not like Jack would remember this in the morning.

“How am I inconsiderate? I buy you your favourite coffee every morning and take it to work for you, don’t I?” Jack frowned.

“Yes, you do, but my point is that you try to act like you care about me but you really only want me for a fuck, and then you’ll move on,” Rian muttered.

Rian’s breath hitched as Jack’s hands cupped his face again, even more so at how intense Jack’s stare was.

“I haven’t slept with anyone since I’ve met you,” Jack said softly.

“I don’t understand,” Rian said, confused.

Jack hadn’t slept with anyone?!

“I only want you. You, no-one else. I can’t think of anyone but you and it’s driving me crazy! I thought I would want to have sex with other people even while pursuing you, but I’m just not attracted to anyone like I’m attracted to you,” Jack insisted, throwing his arms wide to emphasise his point.

“Y-You’re just saying that,” Rian said nervously.

Jack shook his head sadly.

“I’m really not. All I can think about is you. You have the most dazzling smile I’ve ever seen, so bright and friendly, not even forced in the slightest. You’re so smart and so caring, that you make me want to be a better person – you make me feel like I have more to give in life. You’re so fucking beautiful that every time I see your face my heart skips a beat and my stomach butterflies. You have such sexy arms that I can’t help but imagine them wrapped around me, protectively and intimately. And your shoulders…fuck, I could cling to them for hours, so broad and so strong. Your hands and fingers are so big and long that you send my hormones in a frenzy every time I look at them. Your ass is just perfect. Not as perfect as mine, but fucking close, just the right size to hold onto while you thrust into me. And I’ve seen the bulge in your crotch, I know I’ve turned you on before. All I can think about when I think about your dick is what it would taste like in my mouth, how it would feel it my ass, filling me, taking me, using me. You’re so fucking sexy and you don’t even know it,”

Jack was breathing a little harder when he finished talking, his skin flushed. Rian was ashamed to say that he was aroused, to the point where he couldn’t hide it.

“I-I…”

Jack cut him off with a finger placed to his lips.

“Stop thinking, Rian,” Jack murmured.

Rian didn’t know what came over him, but all of a sudden he and Jack were kissing frantically, tugging desperately at each other’s clothes while their tongues battled for dominance. Rian’s fingers fumbled over the buttons of Jack’s shirt. Jack’s hands trembled trying to undo Rian’s tie. But eventually they managed to discard all clothing, falling onto Jack’s hotel bed with Rian on top between Jack’s legs. Rian couldn’t think straight with the way Jack’s hands were exploring his skin, mapping his every contour and converting it to memory. All Rian could do was let his desires take over, immersing himself in Jack’s eager touch.

Sparks of heat. A smooth, wet glide of lubed latex. Jack’s legs tight around his waist. Jack’s nails digging into his shoulders. Hips snapping against the back of thighs. Moans, groans and gasps. A yell when Rian hit the spot. Frantic thrusting. Sweat covering every inch of skin. Arching backs. Moans, groans and cries. Jack screaming Rian’s name. Impossible tightness. Rian chanting Jack’s name.

“Oh my gosh,” Jack gasped, wincing when Rian pulled out of him.

Rian just hummed his agreement, in a daze as he pulled off the condom and tied it, throwing it in the direction of the trash can. Then he moved to lie on his back in shock, eyes wide as he panted, desperately trying to get his composure back. Jack grinned and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, before rolling onto his back too. Rian knew that Jack would go to sleep now…but he couldn’t bring himself to stay. He couldn’t believe he’d given in to his desires. He couldn’t believe what had just happened, as incredible as it was. Who knew Jack could pleasure him more than he had ever been pleasured before in his life? Who knew that Jack could take him to heights he never knew existed?

But Rian knew he had to leave. He couldn’t stay here and give Jack false hope. That would be even crueller than leaving now. So he slowly got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Jack mumbled.

“To the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Rian said softly.

Jack smiled and nodded weakly, closing his eyes. Rian had never seen anyone look more happy or more beautiful than Jack did right now. But he couldn’t stay. This was a mistake and he knew it. So Rian slowly got dressed, not daring to look at Jack in case he changed his mind and made the situation worse. When Rian was fully dressed, and had checked none of his belongings had fallen out, he finally looked back at Jack. The younger man had passed out, his features fully relaxed now he was unconscious. This only broke Rian’s heart a little more.

Without thinking, Rian leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to Jack’s forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Rian murmured, stroking Jack’s hair from his forehead.

And then he left.

*

What was the point in life?
What was the point in waking up for something that was only going to fuck you over anyway?
What was the point in pretending that everything was okay when it wasn’t?

This was what Jack’s thoughts had centred around the morning he woke up after Zack and Matt’s wedding with a sore ass, a splitting headache and completely alone. He was alone. Rian had left. Rian had left just like everyone else had always left him.

Jack had confined himself to his apartment, wallowing in self-pity, not even visiting his goddaughter over at Alex and John’s apartment. Jack tried to be happy when Rose stood up with help, and could remain standing up as long as she held onto something. Jack had tried to laugh when Alex told him how he’d had to baby proof the apartment because Rose could move quite quickly when she wanted to, especially if there were things in holding distance that she could cling onto, and how John spent the best part of his time chasing after her.

But he just couldn’t be happy. Call him pathetic for pining after someone who clearly didn’t want him, but Jack had actually thought he was finally in for a chance when Rian had his dick deep inside him. But Jack was wrong, as always. Maybe it was time he stopped living in a fantasy world.

Jack was lying in bed two weeks after the wedding, as he usually spent his day, when he heard his front door being unlocked. Only two people had a spare key to his apartment – Zack and Alex. And seeing as Alex was too busy looking after Rose and being doubly pregnant, Jack assumed it was Zack back from his honeymoon.

“Hey, how was Mauritius?” Jack rasped, pulling his duvet away from his face.

“What the fuck happened to you?!” Zack yelped, ignoring Jack’s question.

“Nothing,” Jack mumbled.

“Bullshit. Alex told me he only talked to you over the phone for the two weeks he had Rose, but I assumed you were busy doing whatever it is you normally do. Fuck, Jack, it smells like something died in here,” Zack grimaced.

“That could be me. Sorry,” Jack sighed.

“How long haven’t you left this apartment for?” Zack frowned.

“Uh, since I got a taxi back from your wedding reception,” Jack said.

“Two weeks? The whole two fucking weeks?! What the fuck happened?!” Zack yelped.

Tears sprung to Jack’s eyes, making Zack’s expression soften. He sat down next to Jack on his bed and gently pushed Jack’s greasy fringe out of his eyes so he could look at him properly.

“I slept with Rian,” Jack whispered.

“O-Oh my gosh,” Zack choked.

Jack smiled weakly. “That’s not the worst part. It was the most blood-rushing, mind-blowing, I-see-stars incredible sex, and when I woke up, he wasn’t there,”

Zack scowled.

“Rian fucked you and then left you,” Zack growled.

Jack sniffed miserably, unable to stop the tears that fell down his cheeks.

“I thought I’d finally convinced him that I was serious about him, y’know? But when I woke up alone, I realised that I really am nothing but a cheap whore,” Jack whimpered.

“Hey, you listen to me, okay? You are not a cheap whore! You are a beautiful, smart, funny man and any man should be lucky to even see your dick. Rian is a jerk who doesn’t know that he’s thrown away the best thing in his life,” Zack said angrily.

“You really mean that?” Jack asked quietly.

“Yeah, I do. You’re so much better than this, Jack. You deserve so much more,” Zack said firmly.

Jack choked a sob and threw his arms around Zack’s neck. Zack could only hug him for a couple of seconds before gently pushing him away.

“Wow, okay, you really stink, sorry. Get in the shower. I’m going out to deal with this. You’d better smell human by the time I’m back,” Zack ordered.

Jack didn’t have the energy to tell him not to bother.

*

“RIAN FUCKING DAWSON!”

Rian looked up sharply as the door to his office slammed open, Zack storming through. Wow, he looks angry. Clarissa the receptionist ran in after Zack, a desperate look on her face.

“I tried to stop him, I swear!” Clarissa insisted.

“It’s okay, Clarissa. He can stay,” Rian said calmly.

Clarissa glanced at Zack’s enraged form nervously, but nodded before leaving the room. Rian cleared his throat.

“Would you like to sit down?” Rian offered.

“No I fucking wouldn’t,” Zack spat.

“Okay…how can I help you then?” Rian asked.

“Jack told me about what happened at the wedding,” Zack snarled.

Rian paled. Shit. Zack knew about his…discrepancy.

“Fuck, you’re not even denying it! How can you just sit there and pretend like walking out after a night of apparently incredible sex with the one person that would give their life for you isn’t a big deal?!” Zack yelled.

“I’ll admit, letting Jack seduce me wasn’t one of my finest moments, but I highly doubt he’s give his life for me,” Rian scoffed.

Rian wasn’t expecting Zack to slap him sharply around the face.

“What the fuck?!” Rian hissed.

“You complete and utter jackass! You have no idea what you’ve done, do you? Fuck, if you had any idea what Jack’s been through then you wouldn’t even think to scoff at him!” Zack yelled.

Rian just frowned. What Jack had been through? Zack saw Rian’s expression and scowled.

“Fine. Seeing as you look like you really don’t know a fucking thing, I’ll tell you. Jack’s family aren’t just rich like Matt’s family – they’re elite socialites. Old money. None of them have worked a day in their lives. The Barakats are only concerned with status, money, bloodlines and making sure the family looks good in the eyes of the press and the rest of their fucked up society. Jack was the runt of the family, his older brother Joe and older sister May exceeding every family value. Jack was always a bit awkward, never quite fitting in, and his parents knew that he would be a problem,”

Zack paused to scowl. As if an innocent child could be a problem.

“Jack came out as gay to them when he was 15, and was consequently beaten from the age of 15. His mother wouldn’t even stop his father – she’d watch. Jack’s father believed he could beat the gay out of Jack. Joe and May didn’t stop the beatings either, although they did make sure Jack had food to eat now that he was banned from the dinner table, and that his cuts and bruises were cleaned properly. Jack had no-one to talk to, no-one to comfort him, when all he wanted to do was be loved. He wasn’t even allowed out into society, in case his homosexuality was found out and the family was ‘shamed’,”

Zack clenched his fists. The next part of the story made him angry. Rian just sat in silence, tears pricking his eyes. He had no idea.

“Jack snuck out to a gay bar on his 17th birthday, and lost his virginity down the side of an alley to a middle-aged guy that left him straight after. Jack later found out that this one night stand resulted in pregnancy. But he was overjoyed – Jack’s always loved children, I know you know that. When his parents found out about the pregnancy, they were furious. Like, proper furious. The beatings stopped, because even they weren’t that inhumane, but they acted like Jack wasn’t even alive, ignoring him even when they spoke to him. 4 months into the pregnancy, Jack tripped at the top of a flight of stairs and fell down them. He woke up in the hospital and was told he’d miscarried. He lost his baby, the only thing in the world that he cared about. His parents sneered at him and said that clearly Jack’s homosexuality meant that he was never meant to have babies,”

Rian clenched his fists at this. Gay or not, babies are a gift from God, and no-one should be told any differently.

“Jack proposed a plan to his parents. He would move out into a fully-furnished amazing apartment in a different state, and providing that his parents paid for everything and kept their hands off of his trust fund, he would never contact them again. It would be as if he didn’t exist in their lives. His parents readily agreed, and he moved to this city when he was 18. Jack was alone from the age of 18 in a city he did not know, and he was more alone than ever. He started sleeping around to try to feel at least a little comfort, so he wouldn’t be completely unloved at least for an hour or two, despite the fact that it was false love. Alex knew him because Alex took over the gallery when he was 19 when the previous owner retired and went to the same bars that Jack did, but it was when I moved out here when I was 21 that we really got to know him. It took us so long to convince Jack that he was special, that he wasn’t just trash, and I’ll be damned if I ever let him get back to those thoughts. His happy-go-lucky hyper front is all a mask to hide his insecurities, and you destroyed that mask,”

Zack paused briefly, turning to glare properly at Rian.

“So I hope now you understand why you’re abandonment of him is such a bad thing, especially after all he’s done is love you. All Jack has ever wanted was to be loved, and you’re just another person that’s crushed his heart,” Zack spat.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea. I would never have guessed,” Rian said sadly.

“Of course you wouldn’t, but you had better fix him,” Zack said indignantly.

“How the fuck do I do that?!” Rian yelped.

“Fuck knows, but I’ve come back from two weeks of the best sex of my life to find out that he’s been a miserable wreck, and I know it’s all your fault. You broke him, you fix him. If you don’t, I’ll get John and Matt involved,” Zack said firmly.

Rian’s eyes widened, but he nodded.

“Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to Jack’s apartment to make sure he’s actually showered like I told him to. And hopefully eaten. Make sure you come up with a fucking good apology,” Zack said simply.

And with that, Zack left. In an instant, Clarissa was in his doorway.

“Are you okay? What happened?! A few patients heard him yell when he came in and I don’t know what to tell them,” she babbled.

Rian smiled weakly.

“I’m fine. Zack was just angry about something, and I know understand why. Just tell them that Zack was suffering from hormones, even though he isn’t. They’ll all understand that and won’t push for more answers,” Rian sighed.

Clarissa smiled and nodded, before leaving. Leaving Rian alone with his thoughts. Leaving Rian alone with his guilt. Leaving Rian alone to wonder what the fuck he could do to make this right.

*

Jack curled up on his bed again after Zack left the second time, although now that Jack had showered and eaten, Zack made him change his bedsheets and open some windows to let fresh air in. As soon as Zack had left, Jack closed the windows and retreated back into his shell, content just to stay on his bed forever. He could pretend like none of the shit had happened, right?

Jack didn’t move when he heard the front door being knocked upon. Fuck that, he wasn’t getting up. Then he got confused as he heard a key turn the lock. Surely Zack didn’t have more to lecture him about?!

“Jack?”

Rian?! Jack whimpered and curled into a tight ball, hiding his face in his knees. He heard the older man sigh and squeaked when Rian sat down next to him on the bed.

“What are you doing here?” Jack mumbled, his words muffled.

“I need to talk to you. Zack gave me the spare key,” Rian explained.

“What do you want to talk about? I think you said everything you needed to when you left,” Jack muttered.

“I don’t really know what I want to talk about,” Rian sighed.

Jack turned his head slightly to face Rian, confused, even more so when Rian lightly placed his hand on Jack’s side.

“I don’t understand you, Jack. Even after Zack told me about your past…”

Shit, Rian knew everything. Jack whimpered.

“…you make my head spin with confusion, frustration and lust and you really don’t have the reputation of someone who cares,” Rian said.

“But I do care!” Jack bleated.

“I know, I know, I’m just stating my thoughts,” Rian said softly.

Rian sighed, running his hand over his buzzed hair. Jack turned his face to look at Rian a little more, although he tried not to make it obvious.

“I guess I’ll just have to explain why I’m so…anti-you-apparently-being-serious. I’ve always known what my life was going to be like, always had it planned, and then you come along and shake everything up. I’ve always known that I was going to be a Doctor, always known that I’d graduate medical school with flying colours, work my way in a hospital and start my own private practice. Medicine is all I know, and now with you pushing your way into my life, I don’t know what the fuck to do,”

Rian paused, running his tongue over his lips to wet them.

“College changed me. I had to get serious and commit to medical school. No distractions, nothing. Matt was the only person I really talked to, and definitely the only person I slept with, and after he ended our…thing, I realised that I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. I should thank him in a way because I got a fucking amazing degree out of closing myself off from the world, but when I opened my own practice with a fellow Doctor from the hospital, I realised I didn’t know myself anymore. I didn’t know who I used to be,”

Rian paused again, reaching down to brush Jack’s fringe from his eyes, making the younger boy gasp at the soft touch. Rian smiled weakly, rubbing his thumb over Jack’s cheekbone. Jack just whimpered again.

“When we slept together I was scared. I’ve never connected with someone on such an intimate and amazing level and I was scared of what might happen. You made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t done in over a decade and I freaked out. I was wrong to ever think of you as a simple slut. I was wrong to think you had an easy life just because of your money. I was wrong to think that you could never be serious about anything. I’m so sorry,” Rian finished.

Rian fell silent, not sure what else to say. Jack didn’t anything either, wanting to say so much but now knowing how to. After a minute of nothing, Rian smiled sadly and stood up from the bed, Jack staring at him, bewildered.

“I know I crossed the line by coming here so I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again,” Rian said softly.

Jack whimpered as Rian walked towards the doorway. Jack knew if Rian left the apartment now, that he would never come back. This was it. This was Jack’s last chance. Without hesitating, Jack leapt out of his bed and spun Rian around quickly with a hand on his shoulder. Rian didn’t have a chance to protest before Jack pressed their lips together harshly, kissing him desperately in a way that made Rian’s head spin and his hands grip onto Jack's polo shirt.

When Jack eventually broke away, both men were breathing hard, their lips swollen but smiling.

“I know what I want from you, Rian. I want to be the man that wakes up in your arms every day and makes you coffee and gets you so annoyed that the make-up sex is even more amazing than normal sex. But what do you want?” Jack said softly.

“I want you to help me find the person I used to be,” Rian replied nervously.

“I can do that,” Jack grinned.