Descending

~My heart can't love you any more because you've broken it.~

May 9th, 2007.

It was three days before our wedding day.

The ring was picked out, the family had flown in, the church was rented out, the catering paid for. Everything was absolutely perfect, ready to go. Her dress was white and beautiful. I remember going with her to pick it out, how absolutely stunning she looked clad in that flowing satin masterpiece. She was an angel come from God. As she twirled, modeling it for me, I wondered in awe what I did to deserve this wonderful, beautiful woman giggling in front of me.

Obviously, I didn't.

It was seventy three hours, forty two minutes and eight seconds before our wedding, that day that could have been absolutely magical, when I found her...them...

I was coming back from Gerard's house that day. We were talking about the music we were going to play during the first dance. We fought for hours over that song, finally deciding on I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith since Steven Tyler is her favorite singer. I really like that song, too, so it was the perfect choice. The perfect choice for the perfect day.

"I'm so happy for you, Mikey." Gerard had said. He patted my back smiling down at me proudly. "I can't tell you how proud of you I am. How does it feel?"

"It feels... indescribable." I'd said. "I almost can't believe it, you know? It's unreal. I love her so much, Gerard, and I get to spend the rest of my life with her. It's amazing."

Gerard had hugged me then. "I know you'll both be so happy together."

He couldn't have been more wrong.

I got home that night at 7:45. I'd told Alicia I'd be home at 10:00 at the earliest because Gerard wanted me to go visit mom and dad, but they were finishing settling into their hotel, so we decided to see them tomorrow. On the way home I bought flowers --pink lilies, her favorite-- and a new Misfits CD she'd been wanting for a while. All I wanted then was to go home, kiss her plump lips and hold her close. Maybe we'd watch a movie together, or go out to dinner. I didn't care, anything to make my amazing wife-to-be smile. I'd do anything for that smile, it was my kryptonite and she knew it. She was just perfect, simply wonderful. I couldn't imagine myself without her anymore.

I pulled into the driveway and see from the car our bedroom light is on. I smiled, grabbing the lilies and the CD from the car. Being as quiet as I could, I opened the front door and slowly shut it with a soft click. I took off my shoes and tip toed up the staircase, taking extra care to not step too loudly on the wooden steps. I wanted to surprise my love.

Finally I got to the top stair, turning left to get to the master bedroom--our room. The door was closed, but light was illuminating from the bottom of it. I smiled, grabbing the doorknob. Just as I started to turn the knob was when I heard it. Heard him.

"Alicia, fuck!"

My skin crawled at the cry of passion. It rang in my ears like it was coming out of speakers on maximum volume. I shook my head, forcing it from my mind. What's going on? Who's in there with my fiancée?

"Oh my god, Damon!"

Alicia? Her scream of pleasure hurt worse than his, sending a stake through my chest. What's happening?

My smile slipped from my face, a wary frown forming on my lips. Taking a deep breath, I quickly turned the knob and threw the door open, wishing and hoping with all of my being what I was seeing was a lie. It wasn't.

There she was, Alicia Simmons, the love of my life, the one thing I actually care about, naked and in bed with some man. Some stranger! Her eyes were closed and her head thrown in obvious pleasure as he moaned underneath her. My eyes widened; I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could she do this to me? What happened to us?

"A-Alicia?" I whispered, my heart breaking as I watched this nightmare. It was far too surreal to be true.

She opened her eyes, turning slightly to the door and gasped loudly. "Mikey! Oh my god!" She quickly got up off the strange man, pulling a cover over her as she babbled to me. "Mikey, oh baby, please let me explain--"

"What is this?" my voice doesn't rise about a whisper, and all fell quiet. The man looked on at us, watching us carefully as he put his boxers and pants back on. My eyes bored into Alicia's, hoping for a reason I could understand. She was silent. "Alicia, what's going on?"

"I-I..." she stuttered, looking up at me helplessly. She looked to the dressing stranger then back to me. "I fell in love, Mikey."

I nodded. "I know, 'Licia, I fell in love with you too. We're getting married, remember, in three days. So what's--"

"I mean with him, Mikey." She said, looking me dead in the eyes. "I fell in love with Damon."

I fell in love with Damon. Her words hit me like a boulder, crushing me under their weight. "D-Damon? That guy?" She nodded. I felt the burning tears behind my eyes, wanting so much to flow freely, but I forced them back. "B-But when? Why?"

"We've been together for a few months." A few months? "I...I'm pregnant, Mikey. With his baby. I was going to pack my things tonight and go live with him." My jaw dropped, mouth agape. No. No this can't be true. I don't want to hear this, I don't believe this. A few tears finally escape my rapidly batting eyes. "I'm sorry, Mikey."

I shook my head slowly, tears tracking steadily down my cheeks now. I backed away from her. "Why? What did I do wrong?"

Alicia frowned, starting to look a little angry. "You were never home, Mikey! You were constantly away on tour, and I never saw you. You were selfish, Michael. You didn't care for me. You can't expect me to wait for a man that doesn't want me." She screamed, pushing me. I fell back against the wall, still in shock. "Would you wait for a wife that doesn't want you, doesn't need you?!"

"T-That's not true, 'Licia!" I said, begging with all my heart for her to believe me. She looked unconvinced. "Alicia, I love you with all my heart. I'm so, so sorry I wasn't around that often, but things will change, baby. I'll change! Please, please don't do this--" I reached out for her, feeling her smack my hand away.

"Mikey stop!" She yelled. "Mikey, I don't love you. I'm not sure I ever did. I love Damon, I'm having his child. He's already a better husband that you'll ever be. You are nothing compared to him, you understand?" The man, fully dressed now, came up and wrapped his arms around my beautiful fiancée Alicia. How dare he touch her?

"Baby, I think we should go. No need to make this loser suffer any longer." Alicia smiled up at him and nodded, snuggling into his embrace. He grinned down at her, holding her tightly to him. I felt absolutely sick just watching. They pushed past me, walking out the door. I stood there, taking everything in. I lost her. I lost my Alicia, my beautiful, perfect angel. Oh my god, why? Tears race down my face, self loathing and pure anger taking me over. Unconsciously, I grabbed a lamp off the nightstand and chase after them. I saw them by the front door and, without thinking, I tacked Damon, hitting him with the lamp.

"Mikey! Mikey, no! Stop! Please, stop!" I heard Alicia screech as I slammed the glass lamp into her ''lover'' once, twice, three times, more times than I care to count. He screamed out in agony, flailing his arms in some half-assed attempt to get me off. I'll make him pay for this. Blood spurts from his face, trailing delicately down his pale face and onto the linoleum tiled floor. He screeched and bucked, anything to get me off of him. Nothing affected me as I slammed my weapon into his face as hard as I could.

"Mikey! Mikey, if you ever loved me at all, then you'll fucking stop this! Please?!" I froze, the bloody, broken lamp just inches from his cut and torn face. Damon gasped heavily, staring at me in complete fear. I stayed there, frozen in time, not moving or breathing, even blinking. Slowly, after a few moments, I leaned back, tossing the lamp behind me reluctantly. I stand up, kicking Damon in the ribs and moving off of him.

"Get the fuck out of my house." I growled. Alicia dropped to her knees, going to Damon's side. He grabbed her hand, still gasping for breath. I glared upon them spitefully. "I said, get the fuck out!"

"Mikey--" Alicia started, big eyes looked up at me pitifully. My heart ached to comfort her, but I held myself back. No more.

"Are you deaf, you bitch? I. Said. GO!" I grabbed them both and pushed them both out of the open door and slammed it after them. I stayed silent, listening. I heard Alicia help Damon up from the ground and lead him away. I leaned against the door, tears streaking my face once again, and slid down to sit on the floor. I bring my hands to my face, letting out a scream.

Why? Why me? I loved her so much!

You heard her, Mikey. She never loved you. No one ever will, you worthless shit.

I gasp, looking around for the voice. Is there someone else in the house? How many guys was Alicia with?

Just Damon, Mikey. She loves him. She hated you Mikey, she always did. She was lying to you the entire time.

I held my head, blistering pain shooting through my mind suddenly. "Hello? Who's there?!"

No one's there, Mikey. No one ever was. You were always alone, Michael.

I growled, angry at the voice. "Show yourself!" I wait; nothing happens. No one comes forward.

No one's here. No one will ever be. It's just you and me now, Mikey.

I whimpered, clutching my aching head tighter. "Who are you?"

I'm you, Mikey. I'm you, and I'm never going away. Get ready for the rest of your pathetic, useless life.