To Be Wild and Precious

“You’re what?!” Rose was pacing the bedroom floor and Valerie was en route to the house.

“I’m moving, Rose. Out of the state. It’s really not that far though.” She felt like she was acting like her parents, reassuring everyone that it wasn’t such a bad thing that they were moving to a foreign land. “It’s only, like, two states away.”

“Yeah.” Rose began. “Two big states! How am I supposed to survive without you? How am I supposed to understand what’s going on in chemistry without you?”

“Trust me, Rose. It’s much easier than you think.”

Rose stopped pacing. “Coping or chemistry?”

Beth thought for a moment. “Both.”

“If that’s the case, then coping is going to be much more difficult than I thought it was going to be.” She slumped down onto the floor, kneeling down beside her bedside, and started to cry.

“What? Why do you say that? I just told you it was going to be easy.”

“Yeah, but,” Rose sniffled, ” You compared it to chemistry; I don’t understand anything about chemistry. There isn’t a thing that’s easy about it. That just means that you leaving is going to be the most difficult thing in the world for me.” She buried her head in her comforter and sobbed.

“Rose, we could still talk all the time and skype. It’s not like I’m going to die. I’m just – I’m moving. That’s all.”

“That’s all? That’s all?!” Val stamped into the room. Rose’s parents must have let her in; they had just come back from church a little while before.

“How the hell could you not tell me that you were moving away? How?!” Val was furious.
“Don’t be too upset.” Rose comforted her. “She didn’t tell me either. I only found out because she was telling her new boyfriend. BEFORE SHE WAS TELLING ME!” Rose slumped back onto the comforter, her arms resting on the bed, her legs tucked underneath her body on the floor.

“Well, I was sort of telling you, too. Don’t get all touchy about it, guys. I just found out myself, like, two hours before you did.” Beth turned to Rose. “That’s why I came here in the first place because I wanted to vent about it.”

“Wait. So you didn’t come because of my text?”

“I didn’t really see your text.” Beth confessed.

“What about my text?” Val asked, folding her arms across her chest.

Beth shook her head. “That one either. “ She examined her hands in her lap and then continued. “When I went down to breakfast this morning, my parents just sprung the whole ‘we’re moving out of Ohio’ story, and it completely took me by surprise. And I just really needed someone to talk to. So I came here. It didn’t really occur to me until we started talking that things with Bryce had probably gone as sour as they had.”

“Things with all-star boy went bad?” Val asked Rose.

Rose nodded avoiding Val’s gaze. “Yeah. Long story, short: He was a jerk and I deserve way better than him anyhow.”

“Hells yeah, you do.” Valerie cheered her on as she took a seat beside Beth on the bed. She nudged Bethany lightly with her elbow. “So what’s with this new boyfriend?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Beth was picking at the loose strings hanging out of the hems of her cutoffs.
“It didn’t sound like nothing on the phone just then.” Rose prodded.

Beth glanced up at Rose for a moment and returned to the inspection of her trouser-wear. “It really is. We just met yesterday. It’s no big deal, really.”

“No big deal? Beth, you’ve never been on a date before. That’s a hell of a big deal. Your first date. That’s awesome!”

“Yeah.” Beth couldn’t really get excited about it anymore with the mental image of Liam’s tongue sliding down Rose’s throat etched into her brain. “Well, I don’t think he cares as much as I do about it. Regardless, the relationship can’t really go anywhere. I moving, remember?”

“But you can date for the meantime can’t you? When do you leave exactly?” inquired Rose.
“We’re leaving next Thursday.”

“Oh, wow. That is way too soon.”

“I know. I feel like I’m not even going to get the proper chance to say good-bye to you guys.”
“Don’t worry, girl.” Val assured her. “You’re never going to need to say good-bye to us. We’re always going to be there for you, every step of the way when you go to your new school, new house, even get new friends, maybe a boyfriend. We’ll be here for you.”

“Yeah, don’t forget about us, Beth.” Rose interceded.

“How could I forget about you guys? I’m afraid that you guys are the ones who are going to forget me.”

And that’s how Beth has always felt, like she’s the least loved, the least memorable one. The friend the no one would care about if she left. Beth was terrified that by leaving, these fears would become a reality. She would only be given hard, cold facts about what she had always known deep down in the pit of her stomach. She was the outcast, even amidst her friends. And she always felt that way, regardless of how much they tried to make her fit in.
“We could never forget about you, Beth.” Rose began. “You are the glue that keeps us all together.”

“Yeah.” Val agreed. “And the burst of mental health that keeps us all sane. I don’t think either of us could really function properly without you?”

“We’d probably just fight or do something stupid if you weren’t here.”

“Some crazy shit is definitely going to go down the moment you walk past the city limit. I’m just letting you know that.”

Beth couldn’t help but laugh, joy coursing through her whole system.

Those words, what her two best friends were telling her as they were all gathered together in a sort of pre-“Last Supper,” were words that touched her like none had ever done before. Beth felt the tears surfacing, but she fought them back. She didn’t want to seem like a sentimental wuss.

“Thanks, guys. I really don’t know what I’m going to do without you two either.” She pulled them into a group hug.

When they pulled away from each other, Val asked, “Beth, about this boy, why don’t you just try something long-distance. I mean, if you want it to work out and he wants it to work out, then why not try it out.”

Beth glanced in Rose’s direction. Rose was calculating Beth’s every move, as if she was judging her, sizing up her character based on what she made of this non-existent relationship with Liam. “Actually, I don’t think a long-distance relationship would be able to work out.”

Beth tried to leave it at that, but Rose wanted more details. “Why wouldn’t it?”

“Well, I mean, we’re in different, like, social classes. He’d never wait for me, I just know it. And I don’t want to be an idiot waiting for some guy three states over who’s sleeping around with other girls as if he’s not attached. I just – I don’t want that. I’d rather just be single. I mean, I’ve lived all my life thus far that way, and I’ve been doing just fine with it.”
“Good for you.” Rose chimed.

“No.” Val said. “Why don’t you think you’re good enough for this guy? Who the hell could he be? I mean, it’s not like he’s like the quarterback or something is he?”

Beth was silent. “Um…well. I mean – you’re close.”

“What?” Val had a look of utter confusion plastered on her face.

Scratching the small patch of skin behind her ear, Beth tried to diffuse the embarrassment as she continued, “It’s not football. It’s rugby.” She gathered her hands in her lap. “Liam Nash is the one who asked me out last night.”

Beth couldn’t meet either of their eyes in fear that they wouldn’t believe her. It would hurt so much if they didn’t.

“Oh, baby girl, you better not be shitting me. Liam? Liam Nash? Really?” Beth nodded as a small grin began to emerge. “Wow. That’s something…Well, I’m happy for you.”

“What do you mean you’re happy for me?” Beth was in disbelief. “I just told you that this is difficult for me. I know that long-distance won’t work between us.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Beth, but I do agree with you on that one. That boy probably can’t keep it in his pants for more than twenty minutes. And worrying over that would just kill a person, especially you. I say, just tell him the truth.”

“That I don’t trust him?”

Val shifting her head from side to side, looking as if she was weighing the pros and cons of that action. “Maybe not in those words exactly. But, yeah. That you can’t do it because you don’t think it’ll work out.”

Rose agreed and soon the conversation drifted into easier subjects. They talked about Val’s hangover and Rose’s major headache. They discussed the horridness of Bryce’s action and the stupidity of all boys. “All men are pigs,” Val announced. “That’s why I choose a life of singlehood.”

The other two commended her on that and then they spoke of makeup and nail polish. Rose wanted to try a new hairstyle but she was afraid she’d look weird with bangs. They assured her otherwise.

The conversation went on like this until Beth decided it was time for her to go. She chose to walk all the way back home, declining Rose’s offer to drive her home. Beth wanted that extra time to contemplate what to say to Liam and how she should terminate the relationship that hadn’t even had a chance to blossom yet.

Halfway home, her phone began to ring. She picked it up without even looking at the screen.

Halfheartedly, she answered, “Hello?”

Liam, clearly upset, replied, “Hey, I went to your house and you weren’t there. Are you skipping are on me entirely?”

Beth went to check her wrist for the time but remembered she had no watch. “What time is it?”

“It’s already 4:30.”

“Oh my gosh. Really? I am so sorry. I’ walking home right now from Rose’s place. I must have lost track of time talking to them. I didn’t even realize it.”

“It’s okay. Just where are you? I’ll go pick you up.”

“Oh. You don’t have to.”

“But I will.” Liam said. “So tell me where you are and I’ll be there in a bit.”

Beth let him know and then she sat on a bench by the side of the road and waited. She waited ten minutes before he pulled up beside her in a gray sedan. Beth doesn’t know her cars, but she could tell that this one was nice by the way that Liam was driving it, one hand on the wheel and the other draped across the back of the passenger seat.

She got into the passenger seat and buckled in. Liam didn’t move the car. He turned off the engine and faced Beth in his seat.

“What’s going on between us? Like, we haven’t even started dating and you’re already calling it quits.” His eyebrows were furrowed.

“I – I don’t think that we’ll work out. I’m leaving, Liam.”

“I know you are. But that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t still work out.”

Beth shook her head. “No. I don’t think we could work out. Not at all.”

“Not even long-distance or something. I mean, I could try.”

“Yeah, but I just – I don’t think that that’ll work out between us.” She was looking straight ahead, avoiding his gaze.

“Why not? What is it?” He gently took hold of her wrist.

“Liam, I just,” She pull her arm from under his grasp. “I don’t think I really believe you that much. And I can’t build a relationship, especially one over the span of three states, with someone that I’m not sure if I could really trust.”

“I don’t understand.” He sat back against his car door. “You can trust me, Beth.”

“If I could trust you then why did you make out with my best friend and just go on and hit on me like nothing had happened between the two of you?” Beth was giving him a cold, angry stare.

“Nothing did happen between the two of us.”

“But see, that’s not true. Something did. And you can’t even acknowledge that to me. How am I supposed to know that, when you tell me ‘nothing happened’ at a party, nothing actually happened. How am I supposed to know that you really didn’t make out with anyone, that your mind didn’t stray from thinking of me as your only girlfriend? How am I supposed to trust you if I’m over in New Jersey and you’re over here? I can’t.”

Liam furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. He even dared to let out a laugh. “What’s so funny?” Beth demanded.

“Oh, nothing.” Liam answered. “I just think it’s sad how scared you are. You’re so scared to take a chance on this that you’re willing to drive yourself to insanity. How long were you honestly thinking about all that?”

Beth inspected her knees rather than answered him to his face. “A little while.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” He shook his head again probably just thinking about the lunacies of worrying about such trivial things. “Beth, I wish you would just learn to take a leap of faith for just once in your life.”

“I can’t do that, Liam.”

“Why not? Just take a risk on us, Beth. How hard could it be? How much could you lose out on?”

Beth couldn’t think. She was torn between fear and desire. But her logic got the best of her. “Liam, I just can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

He nodded. At least, Liam was understanding. “It’s alright. I just wish you would’ve given us a chance. Life doesn’t give us all that many chances. We have to take them in that rarity when they do.” He turned on the ignition. “At least let me take you home.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I insist.”

They rose in silence. Beth didn’t know if she should say anything, so she didn’t. She didn’t want to make the situation even more awkward then it already was. So she idly twiddled her thumbs and his focus did not deviate from the road before him.

After nine minutes of absolute awkwardness, Liam pulled into Beth’s driveway. He killed the engine and waited patiently for her to get out of his car.

Beth had her hand on the handle, when she realized that she should say something to Liam, thank him perhaps. “I’m so sorry. I really, truly am. I didn’t want it to end this way.” That wasn’t a display of gratitude. She took his right hand in hers and squeezed because she felt that she had to say thanks somehow. “Thank you again for the ride.”

He squeezed back. “It was my pleasure.” Liam gave her a small grin.

She smiled back. “Bye, Liam.” She began to get out of the car, but she felt him pulling her back in.

“What? What happened?” She asked, confused by why she was forcibly called back into the vehicle.

“I just need to let you know something before you leave for New Jersey.”

“Ok. What do you want to tell me?” She asked, slightly curious but mostly puzzled by this entire interaction.

Liam breathed in slowly, held it in for a moment, and said on the gradual exhale, “You were my rarity.”

“What?”

“You were one of those chances that life scarcely awards us in our lifetimes, one of the wonderful ones that come once in a blue moon. I had wanted to take that chance so badly, see where it would take me. But it seems that my chance didn’t see me as one back.” He stared at the steering wheel for a while and then gazed into Beth’s eyes as he spoke, “I guess, life can be a real bitch sometimes, huh?”