...And We All Have a Hell

She cried. Alesana knows now the story of our family's death. Whta really happended to them. I held onto her. I knew she shared my pain.

"I have one last thing to show you" I pulled up my sleeve and revealed the scars. Faint tiny scars were below my elbow. Her eyes widened in fear. She grabbed my arm and ran her fingers over the small scars.

"That's not me anymore." It's the truth. She nodded her head. Still in shock at everything she;d just been told and shown.

"I love you. I"m sorry. But I needed to tell you." I grabbed Alesana and hugged her tightly. I made Zacky, Matt, Johnny, Brian, and Jimmy promise me they would never tell Alesana. I'm glas they stayed true to thier word.

Back to Alesana's POV:

I can't believe what I'm hearing. He was suicidal? Hopefully he never finds out about..

"Hey guys." Matt said walking up to us with Zacky.

"Oh hey! What's up?" "Hey matt." Gerard and I said

"Wanna go up to one of our dorms and watch a movie?" Brian suggested.

"yeah. That'd be fun. I needed a relaxing thing to do. I bent over to pick up my water bottle that fell, and out fell my razorblade from my pocket. Shit!! It landed next to Brian's foot. He picked it up and saw the blood on it.

"Alesana Shaddix you have some major explaining to do!" Matt and Gerard siad in unison. Their voices had anger in them. I started to cry.

"Forget about it. Give it back.!"Brian held onto it keeping it out of my reach.

"I know this is not your only one" Brian said firmly.

"Matt picked me up and the guys walked to my room. I was kicking and screaming.

"Don't you dare search my goddamn room Zacky!"

you'll be surprised to see what you find

"Like hell I'll listen to you!" Zacky opened my door and tossed my keys aside. Brian and Gerard and him began to search my room.

"Fuck! Don't do this to me! Don't you trust me?!"

"Not now Alesana! We don't know what the fuck you are doing behind our backs!" Zacky yelled. Opening every drawer they looked for whatever.

"Found another razorblade!" Gerard exclaimed coming out of my bathroom.

"Stop it now!" I screamed with tears running down my face, writhing in matt's arms.

"we are trying to fucking help you!" Zacky yelled.

"Fuck you guys! I hate you all so much!"

"I don't believe you Alesana!" Matt said.

keep searching guys! save me!

I continued to fight my way out of Matt's grip. But he was just way too strong. Zacky opened a drawer and found a large-ish box. It was brown with tiny light blue lines on it.

"Don't fucking open that box Zacky!" Don't you dare!"

Open it Zacky! Please! I really want to show all of you what's in there.

He sat on the floor and slid the lid off the box. Everything was in there.