...And We All Have a Hell

I sat in courtyard twirling with one of Matt's drumsticks. For some reason whenever I was upset about something, I would steal one of Matt's sticks and twirl it. It would take away all my worries. That's why I took a few of Matt's sticks when I left my house. They were memories and they helped me. I was on the phone two nights night ago with Frank for three hours discussing everything that had happend since I'd been here. Poor kidd, I owe him big time. He's put up so much with me. But that's why he is my best friend. I hadn't talked to the guys in two days. I think we all needed a break from eachother. Honestly, I'm glad I was able to tell my friends how I was feeling. I feel releved now. I had kept everything bottled up inside me for one month. And that was too long.

"Hey Alesana." I turned around and saw Kayleigh.

"Kayleigh, hey. How are you?"

"I'm great. I haven't talked to you in few days. I wanted to see how you have been. I was informed by Johnny and Jimmy about what happend in your room with Gerard, Zacky, Matt, and Brian. Is everything okay now?" She asked sitting down next to me.

"Yeahh, I think so. I know I lost all control the other day. But I'm glad that I was able to get through it. I need that."

Caught up in this madness too blind to see
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control

"They other day I took a long walk into the woods. I stood there and screamed. I screamed my heart out. And it felt good." It was amazing.

Scream till there's silence

"It does feel amazing to just scream you heart out. I've done that before. I knew there was something wrong inside you. I didn't want to ask, because I didn't want to upset you too much. You know Alesana, I'm happy you're here with us. I'm happy that you are with your best friend and that you have made new friends. Though it may sucks you are in a 'toubled teens academy', it's better for you in the long run."

"You're right, I am. Honestly I glad I became friends with you and Zacky's crew. You all have helped me with so much. I'm not the person I was when I came here."

Smiling she said," Yeahh, I noticed that. When you first came here, I thought you were a bitchy prep. But then I realized that you weren't bitchy or preppy. There was a hell of a lot more to you than your appearance. You have a kickass taste in clothing and music. And you're a great person beneath that." Tears formed in my eyes. That was really nice of her.

"Thank you Kayleigh, that was sweet." I hugged her.

"Hey girls." We let go of eachother and saw Jimmy, Zacky, Johnny, Brian, Matt, and Gerard standing behind me.

"Hey guys." They two of us said in unison.

"Alesana, I'll talk to you later. You need to talk to them." Kayleigh whispered. She smiled a wide smile at me and walked to her dorm.

"So, you've been M.I.A. for the past two days. How have you been?" Brian asked sitting next to me. And the other guys sitting on the ground in front of me.

"Hopefully, you've avoiding cutting?" Gerard asked sitting on the other side of me.

"Yes. I have. And I've been doing pretty good. I had a long talk with Frank a few nights ago. That helped."

"Good. Do whatever makes you feel better." Johnny added with a smile.

"I have come to the conclusion that I am not the person I was when I came here. I don't want to waste my life away on being suicidal and depressed. I miss my family, I'll never be alright. But I will get better. I think after having my little episode in my dorm a few nights ago changed me. I'm glad I was able to release those feelings. I have been able to change and grown in spirit since I've been here. I would never have been able to do that without all of you." I looked at the guys. They had tears in their eyes. They knew they had made in difference in my life.

I miss my family, I'll never be alright

"We're always her for you. We love you. Remember that." Jimmy said, standing up and hugging me.

"I love you guys too. I know I hit rock bottom for a while, but I'm glad you guys were there to help me climb back up."

Climb up from the bottom
For the last time
The last one, the last one,
The last time

"I so happy we were able to do so. We here for you forever. Friends to the end." Matt said grinning. I smiled back.

"Let's go do something. Sitting here sucks! Well its funn when you're here." Zacky said laughing. I Laughed too. It was the first time I had laughed sinced I'd been here.

"Let's go to my room!"Jimmy exclaimed. "I have Guitar hero two and three!"

"Fuck yeahh dude!" Johnny and Gerard said at the same time.

"Haha I'll kick all your asses! Just wait and see!" Brain said smirking. Johnny moacked him and gave him the finger. We all got up and started walking to Jimmy's room. Inside I was still a little confused about somethings, but for the most part, I washappy thrilled to know I was finally coming through. I turned my life around 180 degrees. I would never tell the guys the "life promise" I made to myself. This was just for me. I promised myself that I would never go back to what I used to be. I was done being the old Alesana. I was the new Alesana that is able to start over with a brand new name. I know where I have been and I'm, never going back. And this is where this chapter in my life ends, and a new one begins.