Kid A
One.
I don’t think any of us would have guessed that here is where we would end up, but it happened, and we just learned to live with it. I can tell Thom has his demons, but I guess I have my own too and I’m sure you have yours and we just deal with them, don’t we?
Thom’s neurosis never got in the way of our relationship; if anything I guess you could say we just rubbed off on each other a bit after a while… I guess I should start before that, though.
When we were in school together, and the five of us were in this band that we had started, Thom and I just became best friends. All five of us did all this stuff together but for some reason me and Thom just clicked. I was the youngest, being Colin’s little brother, and Thom just took me in. I always thought he was the coolest person for that, he just had this attitude that you should dive in and attack things for what they’re worth and that’s probably why we’ve gotten to where we are now.
I didn’t see him for a while after that, when he went on to earn his degree in art and I went to my own studies which I never finished, but that stretch of time is irrelevant to when we met back up after. Things resumed like they always had, like we hadn’t even been apart and we were still all best friends with each other. Everything felt right, I guess. Like we had some calling together, as stereotypical as that sounds right now.
It wasn’t as if it was all about the music, though. We had our lives and they went on regardless, they still go on even if we have reached past a few points of no return, and for another few years I’m sure it’ll keep continuing. That’s kind of the big picture but it’s not really the point, I don’t think. The thing isn’t that me and Thom became really good friends, but that I really liked being his best friend and in a way I was always really afraid of losing that.
The thing with Thom is that he wasn’t exactly the most socially adept person I’d ever met. He’s a pretty neurotic personality but on top of that he just didn’t get along well. He has a droopy eyelid and he’s short and he has this messy reddish brown hair and growing up he was made fun of a lot for it, and I think it got to him really bad, even worse than he lets on about it. He was fine talking to me, and to Colin and Ed and Phil, but when things branched out of his group of friends he just couldn’t do it. You could just tell that talking to girls made him nervous as fuck, and I mean even talking to guys that he didn’t really know just wasn’t his strong point. I mean I like that about him and I couldn’t imagine a Thom that isn’t neurotic and strange, but it does things to a person and I can see it in him. I could see these things and they just drew me in more than I was already, Thom just had this thing and it wasn’t good for me.
Things really started getting weird when he first started dating this girl. I don’t like talking about her, so I won’t describe her in any detail to you other than she dated Thom for a while when he was still in school. It was just the weirdest thing for me to see, Thom actually with a girl. My friend, the boy who couldn’t talk to anyone in that way to save his life, he actually branched out and all this happened, and I just couldn’t understand it. I just didn’t want to understand it. I’m not sure how nor can I tell you why but it just wasn’t right. It felt like she took my Thom and it was good that he was branching out and all but I couldn’t take it anyway. I don’t want to say I was jealous because I wasn’t going to admit to any kind of absurdity like that, but I wanted my Thomas back. I wanted the older boy who took me in, it wasn’t right for him to have this girl around, she just got in the way of everything the rest of us were going for.
So I largely ignored this girl, and I never voiced anything to Thom but I think the rest of the guys could tell that there was just something off about me. I think they saw something off about both of us, but I’m not sure. I just remember when Colin sat me down and asked about it, but I wouldn’t tell him much of anything. It’s not that I like to keep secrets from my brother; it’s just that I had nothing to say. It all came out in the melodies from my guitar, though, and I think Colin understood because that was the only time he had ever asked me what was wrong.
Thom’s neurosis never got in the way of our relationship; if anything I guess you could say we just rubbed off on each other a bit after a while… I guess I should start before that, though.
When we were in school together, and the five of us were in this band that we had started, Thom and I just became best friends. All five of us did all this stuff together but for some reason me and Thom just clicked. I was the youngest, being Colin’s little brother, and Thom just took me in. I always thought he was the coolest person for that, he just had this attitude that you should dive in and attack things for what they’re worth and that’s probably why we’ve gotten to where we are now.
I didn’t see him for a while after that, when he went on to earn his degree in art and I went to my own studies which I never finished, but that stretch of time is irrelevant to when we met back up after. Things resumed like they always had, like we hadn’t even been apart and we were still all best friends with each other. Everything felt right, I guess. Like we had some calling together, as stereotypical as that sounds right now.
It wasn’t as if it was all about the music, though. We had our lives and they went on regardless, they still go on even if we have reached past a few points of no return, and for another few years I’m sure it’ll keep continuing. That’s kind of the big picture but it’s not really the point, I don’t think. The thing isn’t that me and Thom became really good friends, but that I really liked being his best friend and in a way I was always really afraid of losing that.
The thing with Thom is that he wasn’t exactly the most socially adept person I’d ever met. He’s a pretty neurotic personality but on top of that he just didn’t get along well. He has a droopy eyelid and he’s short and he has this messy reddish brown hair and growing up he was made fun of a lot for it, and I think it got to him really bad, even worse than he lets on about it. He was fine talking to me, and to Colin and Ed and Phil, but when things branched out of his group of friends he just couldn’t do it. You could just tell that talking to girls made him nervous as fuck, and I mean even talking to guys that he didn’t really know just wasn’t his strong point. I mean I like that about him and I couldn’t imagine a Thom that isn’t neurotic and strange, but it does things to a person and I can see it in him. I could see these things and they just drew me in more than I was already, Thom just had this thing and it wasn’t good for me.
Things really started getting weird when he first started dating this girl. I don’t like talking about her, so I won’t describe her in any detail to you other than she dated Thom for a while when he was still in school. It was just the weirdest thing for me to see, Thom actually with a girl. My friend, the boy who couldn’t talk to anyone in that way to save his life, he actually branched out and all this happened, and I just couldn’t understand it. I just didn’t want to understand it. I’m not sure how nor can I tell you why but it just wasn’t right. It felt like she took my Thom and it was good that he was branching out and all but I couldn’t take it anyway. I don’t want to say I was jealous because I wasn’t going to admit to any kind of absurdity like that, but I wanted my Thomas back. I wanted the older boy who took me in, it wasn’t right for him to have this girl around, she just got in the way of everything the rest of us were going for.
So I largely ignored this girl, and I never voiced anything to Thom but I think the rest of the guys could tell that there was just something off about me. I think they saw something off about both of us, but I’m not sure. I just remember when Colin sat me down and asked about it, but I wouldn’t tell him much of anything. It’s not that I like to keep secrets from my brother; it’s just that I had nothing to say. It all came out in the melodies from my guitar, though, and I think Colin understood because that was the only time he had ever asked me what was wrong.