Kid A
Four.
“Thom what are you thinking about?” I frowned, trying not to prod him too much.
He just looked into my eyes, “Jonny I don’t think you would like to hear it.”
I bit my lip, “… then I’m sorry.” At that moment my mind raced with every possibility, what if Thom hated me? What if he was leaving the band? What if he was leaving the band because he hated me?! I shook my head and tried to choke back the tears that I could feel welling up in my eyes. Don’t cry here Jonny, that won’t do any good…
Thom looked at me sympathetically. “Jonny you didn’t do anything wrong,” he brushed my hand, “I mean it. It isn’t you, okay? I’m just beating myself up right now…”
I pulled my hand back. “Then why won’t you talk to me Thom? That’s all I want is for us to be friends and to trust each other and have a good relationship and to not keep secrets!” I bit my lip at the realisation of how hypocritical that statement really was. “... Maybe we both need to be more honest for that to happen.”
Thom looked rather shocked, “Jonny? Are you okay?”
“No. No I’m not. You won’t let me be.” I looked away from him and focused intently on drinking my tea.
Thom let out a sigh as he watched me. We both said nothing, and I noticed that my stereo was still playing in the background. “I’ve been to the darkest place I know/ You my dear shouldn’t fear what lies below/ It’s just bones”
I finished my tea and I let out a deep sigh. “Look, Thom… Things just aren’t right without you. I miss you, okay? I just really miss you.”
It was at that moment he reached over and gently wrapped his arms around me, and against my first instinct, I didn’t turn away from him. “Jonny… I’m sorry…”
I didn’t move. “You can’t just keep saying sorry, Thom. It doesn’t work like that.”
He just looked into my eyes, “Jonny I don’t think you would like to hear it.”
I bit my lip, “… then I’m sorry.” At that moment my mind raced with every possibility, what if Thom hated me? What if he was leaving the band? What if he was leaving the band because he hated me?! I shook my head and tried to choke back the tears that I could feel welling up in my eyes. Don’t cry here Jonny, that won’t do any good…
Thom looked at me sympathetically. “Jonny you didn’t do anything wrong,” he brushed my hand, “I mean it. It isn’t you, okay? I’m just beating myself up right now…”
I pulled my hand back. “Then why won’t you talk to me Thom? That’s all I want is for us to be friends and to trust each other and have a good relationship and to not keep secrets!” I bit my lip at the realisation of how hypocritical that statement really was. “... Maybe we both need to be more honest for that to happen.”
Thom looked rather shocked, “Jonny? Are you okay?”
“No. No I’m not. You won’t let me be.” I looked away from him and focused intently on drinking my tea.
Thom let out a sigh as he watched me. We both said nothing, and I noticed that my stereo was still playing in the background. “I’ve been to the darkest place I know/ You my dear shouldn’t fear what lies below/ It’s just bones”
I finished my tea and I let out a deep sigh. “Look, Thom… Things just aren’t right without you. I miss you, okay? I just really miss you.”
It was at that moment he reached over and gently wrapped his arms around me, and against my first instinct, I didn’t turn away from him. “Jonny… I’m sorry…”
I didn’t move. “You can’t just keep saying sorry, Thom. It doesn’t work like that.”