Kid A
Five.
“Jonny look I just don’t want to ruin things between us, okay?”
“No it’s not okay, Thom, you’re ruining them right now.” I pulled away from his embrace. “You can’t keep me around like this if you’re not even going to tell me what’s going on with you, I thought we were better than that…”
He looked shocked as I stood up, but he didn’t say anything.
“The guest room is made, feel free to stay here as long as you’d like,” I paused, “just let me know so I know how much breakfast to make in the morning…” I nodded at him, “Goodnight, Thom. I hope you feel better in the morning.”
He watched as I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom, and then I closed my door and we were both out of sight.
---
I dreamt I was trapped in a house and the only way to escape was to jump off the roof and risk death. Ed, Colin, and Phil were with me. We decided not to jump so we spent the night inside the house and I slept next to Colin. When we woke up, Ed was talking to the police and Phil had disappeared completely. I woke up again and my clock read 10:03.
---
It smelled strongly of coffee downstairs as I trudged down, still half asleep contemplating the meaning of my dream. None of it made sense, other than the part that Thom wasn’t in it… Maybe that was all the dream was trying to tell me. I twisted my mouth a bit and looked around.
Thom was still here, hence the smell of coffee emanating from the kitchen. He sat at the counter with a mug in hand. “Good morning, Jonny. I made a cup for you, too, cream and too much sugar just how you like it.”
I smiled softly. “Thom…”
We sat together in silence as we drank our coffee. There was a demon in the room and we both knew it now more than ever, it was just a matter of who was going to address it first. I took a deep breath and started to speak, “Thom, look, I should probably tell you…”
He nodded at me and the corners of my mouth fell, “Yes, Jonny?”
I looked down. “N-nothing. It’s nothing. I don’t want to upset you more or anything so just forget I brought it up.”
Thom smiled at me, “Jonny, you’re cute, but we both know that’s my thing. Now what’s bothering you.”
I bit my lip, “Stop it with that okay? It shouldn’t be your thing. If I’m going to sit here and pour my heart out to you then I think I at least deserve to know a little bit about what you’re thinking as well, don’t I? It’s only fair that way! Otherwise I’m probably just the pathetic one…” I took his coffee mug and mine and walked over to put them in the sink. “It hurts to keep this in but maybe it’s the only way I can understand what you’re feeling anymore.”
He frowned. “Jonny, you know it’s just because I care… I just don’t want to upset you because I can already tell you’re pretty bad…”
“It’s your fault, Thom!” I stormed over to the door and grabbed my overcoat. “I’m going for a walk now. I’ll see you in a while.”
He started to follow me to the door, saying something, but the only word I could make out was “pyjamas” before I slammed the door in his face and started walking down my street.
Pyjamas… Why would Thom be talking about pyjamas right now, of all things? I looked down. Sure enough, I just left the house still wearing my pyjamas.
---
About five minutes later I was back in my house and my cheeks felt really hot. I had this notion that they were probably beet red; it was confirmed when Thom started chuckling.
“I tried to tell you that you were still wearing pyjamas, Jonathan.” He poked me in the side. I pouted and said nothing. “Jonny…” he sighed, “Can we just move past this? Please? You know, you aren’t the only one who wants us to be friends.”
I looked at him. “Then why do you make it feel like I am?”
“Look… it’s just… all this shit is getting to me, really bad, okay? I can’t deal with it. I don’t even know who I am but I hate myself right now. I hate everything, all the attention, all the expectations. I don’t want to live up to any of it anymore, it’s dreadful… I just want to go back to before anyone knew who we were.”
I smiled. “Thom, we all knew that.”
“No it’s not okay, Thom, you’re ruining them right now.” I pulled away from his embrace. “You can’t keep me around like this if you’re not even going to tell me what’s going on with you, I thought we were better than that…”
He looked shocked as I stood up, but he didn’t say anything.
“The guest room is made, feel free to stay here as long as you’d like,” I paused, “just let me know so I know how much breakfast to make in the morning…” I nodded at him, “Goodnight, Thom. I hope you feel better in the morning.”
He watched as I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom, and then I closed my door and we were both out of sight.
---
I dreamt I was trapped in a house and the only way to escape was to jump off the roof and risk death. Ed, Colin, and Phil were with me. We decided not to jump so we spent the night inside the house and I slept next to Colin. When we woke up, Ed was talking to the police and Phil had disappeared completely. I woke up again and my clock read 10:03.
---
It smelled strongly of coffee downstairs as I trudged down, still half asleep contemplating the meaning of my dream. None of it made sense, other than the part that Thom wasn’t in it… Maybe that was all the dream was trying to tell me. I twisted my mouth a bit and looked around.
Thom was still here, hence the smell of coffee emanating from the kitchen. He sat at the counter with a mug in hand. “Good morning, Jonny. I made a cup for you, too, cream and too much sugar just how you like it.”
I smiled softly. “Thom…”
We sat together in silence as we drank our coffee. There was a demon in the room and we both knew it now more than ever, it was just a matter of who was going to address it first. I took a deep breath and started to speak, “Thom, look, I should probably tell you…”
He nodded at me and the corners of my mouth fell, “Yes, Jonny?”
I looked down. “N-nothing. It’s nothing. I don’t want to upset you more or anything so just forget I brought it up.”
Thom smiled at me, “Jonny, you’re cute, but we both know that’s my thing. Now what’s bothering you.”
I bit my lip, “Stop it with that okay? It shouldn’t be your thing. If I’m going to sit here and pour my heart out to you then I think I at least deserve to know a little bit about what you’re thinking as well, don’t I? It’s only fair that way! Otherwise I’m probably just the pathetic one…” I took his coffee mug and mine and walked over to put them in the sink. “It hurts to keep this in but maybe it’s the only way I can understand what you’re feeling anymore.”
He frowned. “Jonny, you know it’s just because I care… I just don’t want to upset you because I can already tell you’re pretty bad…”
“It’s your fault, Thom!” I stormed over to the door and grabbed my overcoat. “I’m going for a walk now. I’ll see you in a while.”
He started to follow me to the door, saying something, but the only word I could make out was “pyjamas” before I slammed the door in his face and started walking down my street.
Pyjamas… Why would Thom be talking about pyjamas right now, of all things? I looked down. Sure enough, I just left the house still wearing my pyjamas.
---
About five minutes later I was back in my house and my cheeks felt really hot. I had this notion that they were probably beet red; it was confirmed when Thom started chuckling.
“I tried to tell you that you were still wearing pyjamas, Jonathan.” He poked me in the side. I pouted and said nothing. “Jonny…” he sighed, “Can we just move past this? Please? You know, you aren’t the only one who wants us to be friends.”
I looked at him. “Then why do you make it feel like I am?”
“Look… it’s just… all this shit is getting to me, really bad, okay? I can’t deal with it. I don’t even know who I am but I hate myself right now. I hate everything, all the attention, all the expectations. I don’t want to live up to any of it anymore, it’s dreadful… I just want to go back to before anyone knew who we were.”
I smiled. “Thom, we all knew that.”