Not Another Vampire Story

"Ahh, put me down. You asshole!" I kicked and punched the vampire lurching in the air. We quickly arrived at a dark building. He threw me on a concrete bed. I grimaced in pain.

"Such a beautiful young lady. Such a feisty attitude. Such a shame I have to kill you."

"Dude, what did I ever do to you? I just wanted some flour. Why me? Is there anything I can do?" I started to sob.

"Well, I guess you could help us. We have to kill the hunters. But the vampire, bring him to us."

"Wait, you want me to kill the guys who saved me from you. No offense. And which one is a vampire. They're all human."

"Poor little human. The big one is a vampire. He may, at any time try to kill you."

"Whoa, thanks for the heads up. Now, unchain me and take me to the hunters place so I can do my job."

He unchained me from the concrete and swooped me up. I was back at the house in a flash. I walked in with a plan.

"Guys, calm down, I have a plan." We all gathered around the living room.

"Well, the evil dude wants me to kill you. Actually, he wants the vampire. Now, who the hell is a fucking vampire. You know if I was to be living with you, don't you think I should know this? Anyway, I bring the vampire to the building with you guys following. We ambush and bam, battle won. But, we need like potions and stuffs. So, yeah, that tis be the plan."

Everyone just looked confused. I smiled.

"Don't tell me who the vampire is. I'll find out myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap."

"Actually, go to bed. It's one in the morning. And you're not safe. Someone, sleep with Tilden." Jake informed me.

"I will." Thane suggested. Eek! The creepy one. I walked to my room and laid down.

"I'm a dough nut, nut. I'm a dough nut, nut. I'm a nut for Krispy Kream." I thought in my head. Vampires can read minds, right. If I continue to think annoying stuff, he'll crack. "They say a man should always dress for the job he wants. So why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant. It's all because some hacker stole my identity. Now I'm in here very evening serving chowder and iced tea. Should have gone to free credit report dot com. I could've seen this coming at me like an atom bomb. They monitor your credit and send you e-mail alerts. So you don't end up selling fish to tourist in t-shirts. Yee-haw!" "There ain't no bugs on me. There ain't no bugs on me. There may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me."

"Shut up!" Thane yelled. I smiled

"What, I'm not saying anything." I smiled to myself. "Are ye ready kids?! Aye-ye captain! I can't hear you! Aye-ye captain! Ohh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob-"

"Okay, I'm the vampire. No shut up." Thane yelled.

"Squarepants." I whispered." Good night Thane!"