Grey

I remember waking up for the first time with Grey by my side. I’d fallen asleep on her bed, and when I woke, she was sitting up, watching re-runs of friends and drinking coffee. I remember the way I just sort of looked at her, like what she was doing was the strangest thing in the world, when it wasn’t. I couldn’t understand how she could go from looking so fragile one moment to so normal the next. But Grey was always strong; a lot more than me, most of the time; and certainly the strongest of the both of us, when we reached our end.

I’m still trying to let go, and some days, I sit alone and start to think about her and wonder if she’s thinking about me, too. I don’t suppose she does. And maybe that’s the worst part.

“You’re awake,” was all she said, like everything about the situation was normal. I just looked at her, still feeling tired.

“Hi,” I said, my voice thick with sleep. Grey started to laugh, before breaking out into a coughing fit. She grabbed a few tissues and pressed them to her face, coughing into them and making the most horrible sound. When she finished, I looked at her with wide eyes, sitting up on the bed.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She just smiled in that way that only she could smile. “I’m fine, Nate. It’s just a cold.”

“You sound terrible,” I said. She smiled.

“I know,” she said. “I felt like I was about to cough up a lung!”

I just laughed and pulled her into a hug, not caring if I caught her cold. She let me hold her, resting her head on my chest and breathing deeply. I rested my face in her hair and was overcome by the smell of her and the feeling of just holding her.

“Thank you for coming over,” she whispered. I remained silent, feeling as though saying something like ‘you’re welcome’ would sound stupid and all out of place.

“Grey?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you - ” I hesitated, not sure if it was the right time, or if there would ever be a right time to ask her if she’d be my girl.

“Would I what?” she asked, looking up at me. I looked down at her and shook my head, smiling. “Never mind,” I said, leaving a small kiss on her forehead. She knitted her eyebrows together in a frown.

“Nate, what’s got you so worked up?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Nate…”

“Fine,” I said, knowing all too well that she wouldn’t give up until I told her. “Would you be my girlfriend?”

Grey was silent for what felt like an eternity. She just looked at me, her eyes wide, as the silence settled over us. It felt awkward to me, and I started talking very fast, like I always did when there was a silence of any sort. I felt the need to fill the silence up immediately by just talking.

“Grey, I’ve never felt like this about anyone,” I said. “You’re always on my mind and you just won’t go away and all I want to do is be with you and when I’m not with you I’m thinking about being with you. I think I’m going crazy.”

Grey pressed her fingers to my lips, like she always did when I got nervous and started to talk very fast. She was always the best at calming me down and making me feel like everything would be just fine. I guess that’s why I’m such a mess now. She’s not here to pick up the pieces.

“You must be going crazy,” she said. “You want me to your girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“When I look like this?”

“Grey, you’re beautiful.”

She just kissed me, then. The hardest anyone has ever kissed me. And I just kissed her back, not minding at all that I’d probably catch her cold.